Senior year

Yesterday my son registered for his senior year of high school. He insisted on registering himself so that he will know how to do it. Even though he went to every registration with me for the past 11 you would think he would have known. I realize it was an independence thing. He told me when I dropped him off "Mom, I need to know how to do this for when I get to college. This is my first time registering for myself." I replied, "But honey, this is the last time I will be able to register you." In the end of course I let him register himself.

As I drove away from the school, my heart was so heavy. This was my baby, the greatest love of my life, ready to explore the great unknown without me. His journey is just beginning. Our journey together is slowly ending. I want him to have a wonderful adult life. It just hurts to know that the closeness we have will change and then as he gets older, has his own family, will grow distant.

I would have never thought I would be here, in this role, mother. I still remember the months leading up to finding out I was pregnant. I was going to the gym six nights a week, working full time, going out to see bands and living a pretty selfish life. I had come to the conclusion that I would never have children. I liked my single life.

Flash forward to December 8th. I still remember it so vividly. When the doctor told me I was pregnant I cried for 3 hours. I was not in the early stages of pregnancy. I was a full 5 months pregnant. I was told on that day that my life was going to change in 4 short months.

My life changed in ways I could never imagine. He has been the best thing to ever happen to my life. I love that boy like I have never thought I could love. Now my baby is almost a man and will find adventure and life. I find myself looking at things that remind me of his younger self all of the time. We were at Target yesterday and I saw a tricycle that he would have loved at that age. He scoffed it off but I pictured that big eyed blond headed little boy staring up at me with happiness.

I am happy, grateful, and full of awe at this life that has been shared with me for the past 17 years.