There is a new blog of note: Daily Scripture. It is a daily verse for those scriptures often overlooked. All scriptures come directly though the Standard King James edition.
Daily Scripture: December 27, 2011-Genesis 7:2: "Take with you seven of every kind of clean animal, a male and its mate, and two of every kind of unclean animal, a male and its mate" G...
27 December 2011
13 December 2011
06 December 2011
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 7-Another Casualty
One of the hardest things in this life is a death of a relationship. It can be a marriage, friendship, or family member. Not a death in the literal sense of someone dying but in the sense of someone who was so integral to your life drifting, fading and eventually leaving your life. The pain of that loss is somehow worse because you know they are out there, living, having fun and don't even give you a passing thought. That is the worst pain to feel, knowing you are less than a blip on someones radar. I have been feeling a loss coming on for some time now. It hurts so much because this is the one person who has been there through thick and thin with me for the past 28 years. Now they have finally outgrown our friendship. I guess I should be thankful for those 28 years, and I am. I just feel so gut wretchedly sad that I have been outgrown and my purpose outdated.
I have not said anything. What is there to be said? During this darkest chapter in my life I have been alone. By that I do not mean that my husband has not been here. He is the one I have been taking care of and nursing back to health. I am talking about a true friend that knows you better than anyone else. Someone who has always been there through the happiness and sorrow. Now the sorrow is all mine to bare. The funny thing is, they are so happy with their new life, friends, relationships, that you cannot wish ill will. That would be selfish and mean spirited. I shall just cry alone.
I have not said anything. What is there to be said? During this darkest chapter in my life I have been alone. By that I do not mean that my husband has not been here. He is the one I have been taking care of and nursing back to health. I am talking about a true friend that knows you better than anyone else. Someone who has always been there through the happiness and sorrow. Now the sorrow is all mine to bare. The funny thing is, they are so happy with their new life, friends, relationships, that you cannot wish ill will. That would be selfish and mean spirited. I shall just cry alone.
02 December 2011
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 6-Last Call
When my beloved Chris committed suicide 14.5 years ago I was plagued repeatedly with questions like "What could I have done differently? What could I have said? What could I have asked? What could I have given?" I think of this because of the importance of listening to someone when they are hurting. If you don't act or actually listen to the person when they are here it will haunt you for the rest of your life. I will be haunted for the rest of my life for things I should have never said to him, things I should have said and my absorption with my own life that I did not see his slipping away.
If someone tells you, actually tells you, that they are at the end of their rope and are in dire circumstances and you have the power to help, don't put it off for your own self absorption. I did that and I lost one of the closest people in my life. It is so easy to have fun and take the easy way. It is much harder to actually look at the face of the person you care about suffering and asking for help, either directly or indirectly, and choosing to flit away your time and energies on self indulgence and pleasure, it will later haunt you when that person is either no longer living or living on the streets.
If someone tells you, actually tells you, that they are at the end of their rope and are in dire circumstances and you have the power to help, don't put it off for your own self absorption. I did that and I lost one of the closest people in my life. It is so easy to have fun and take the easy way. It is much harder to actually look at the face of the person you care about suffering and asking for help, either directly or indirectly, and choosing to flit away your time and energies on self indulgence and pleasure, it will later haunt you when that person is either no longer living or living on the streets.
31 October 2011
The Economic Bill of Rights by FDR circa 1944
Excerpt from President Roosevelt's January 11, 1944 message to the Congress of the United States on the State of the Union:
| “ | It is our duty now to begin to lay the plans and determine the strategy for the winning of a lasting peace and the establishment of an American standard of living higher than ever before known. We cannot be content, no matter how high that general standard of living may be, if some fraction of our people—whether it be one-third or one-fifth or one-tenth—is ill-fed, ill-clothed, ill-housed, and insecure. This Republic had its beginning, and grew to its present strength, under the protection of certain inalienable political rights—among them the right of free speech, free press, free worship, trial by jury, freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures. They were our rights to life and liberty. As our nation has grown in size and stature, however—as our industrial economy expanded—these political rights proved inadequate to assure us equality in the pursuit of happiness. We have come to a clear realization of the fact that true individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence. “Necessitous men are not free men.”[2] People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made. In our day these economic truths have become accepted as self-evident. We have accepted, so to speak, a second Bill of Rights under which a new basis of security and prosperity can be established for all—regardless of station, race, or creed. Among these are: The right to a useful and remunerative job in the industries or shops or farms or mines of the nation; The right to earn enough to provide adequate food and clothing and recreation; The right of every farmer to raise and sell his products at a return which will give him and his family a decent living; The right of every businessman, large and small, to trade in an atmosphere of freedom from unfair competition and domination by monopolies at home or abroad; The right of every family to a decent home; The right to adequate medical care and the opportunity to achieve and enjoy good health; The right to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment; The right to a good education. All of these rights spell security. And after this war is won we must be prepared to move forward, in the implementation of these rights, to new goals of human happiness and well-being. America's own rightful place in the world depends in large part upon how fully these and similar rights have been carried into practice for all our citizens. For unless there is security here at home there cannot be lasting peace in the world. |
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 5-Occupy Wall Street, Hand-Outs, and Freebies
I am so amazed by the argument I hear from dear friends of mine that accuse protesters of being slackers, wanting hand-outs, wanting freebies. Especially when these friends are union members in the public sector doing heroic work everyday. Let me just say, the protesters are not asking for freebies, just their future being sold out to bail out corporations and banks.
Below is an example of expectations and freebies:
You take a job a for $20 an hour. The union that covers your area of work has negotiated health care premiums that only cost you $50 a month. This union also negotiated a cost of living increase every year for you as well as a 4% raise every year. You have accepted the job for $20 an hour. When the pay increases come in, do you accept them for doing what you committed to do, your job? Or do you consider it getting something for free? To me it sounds like, based on the logic I have been told about the protesters, that the person working should be happy to make that $20 an hour because that is what they agreed to. Taking anything over that $20 an hour is getting something for free.
It is all ridiculous. Of course people should get raises. They should also thank their unions that those raises have been fought for and won. I hate to see good people whom I care for and love be so mislead by the talking heads that have big business to answer to and promote instead of the truth and the citizens of this great country.
This country was founded on protest. Our founding fathers encouraged it. How can good American people allow themselves to be led like sheep to the slaughter by corporate greed?
Below is an example of expectations and freebies:
You take a job a for $20 an hour. The union that covers your area of work has negotiated health care premiums that only cost you $50 a month. This union also negotiated a cost of living increase every year for you as well as a 4% raise every year. You have accepted the job for $20 an hour. When the pay increases come in, do you accept them for doing what you committed to do, your job? Or do you consider it getting something for free? To me it sounds like, based on the logic I have been told about the protesters, that the person working should be happy to make that $20 an hour because that is what they agreed to. Taking anything over that $20 an hour is getting something for free.
It is all ridiculous. Of course people should get raises. They should also thank their unions that those raises have been fought for and won. I hate to see good people whom I care for and love be so mislead by the talking heads that have big business to answer to and promote instead of the truth and the citizens of this great country.
This country was founded on protest. Our founding fathers encouraged it. How can good American people allow themselves to be led like sheep to the slaughter by corporate greed?
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 4-The 99% Occupy Wall Street Movement
It still blows my mind when people don't get the 99% movement. So many people seem to think it is about getting a hand out (like the banks were given in the form of our, your children's, and grand-children's tax dollars and future). The 99% movement is about being given the opportunity to provide for yourself and family. As long as American jobs are sent to other countries for a few more profit points then more and more Americans will be unemployed, dying from lack of medical care (which all other industrialized nations have figured out, a healthy population is a productive one with universal health care), homelessness. What will it take for people to wake up and see it is not just a "bunch of whiners on their iPhones and laptops" but a desperate American population that wants to survive and see this country great again, for all. Maybe a repeat of the soup lines in the 30's will be the wake up.
Social stratification is real. The circumstances people were born into DO factor into how this recession will be ridden out. Some people are lucky enough to have a place to call home, family that will help when needed, offer a roof or food. There are so many others that do not have that security net. For those people, it can be depressing, hopeless, and bleak. I try never to pass judgement on people. Much less on a large group of people. I wish other would stop passing judgement on the 99%ers. True there are some rabble rousers in the crowd. When is there not "one apple spoiling the whole bunch"? But to paint your fellow Americans, vets, patriots and citizenry as a detriment to society is not the way. We are all the 99%. Unfortunately others take advantage of those bound in a lower cast. Read up on the real reason for this movement, starting with the discipline of Social Stratification. When I was at university I minored in Sociology and it really opened my eyes to how we as a citizenry got to this point. To be honest, I am surprised it took this long.
Social stratification is real. The circumstances people were born into DO factor into how this recession will be ridden out. Some people are lucky enough to have a place to call home, family that will help when needed, offer a roof or food. There are so many others that do not have that security net. For those people, it can be depressing, hopeless, and bleak. I try never to pass judgement on people. Much less on a large group of people. I wish other would stop passing judgement on the 99%ers. True there are some rabble rousers in the crowd. When is there not "one apple spoiling the whole bunch"? But to paint your fellow Americans, vets, patriots and citizenry as a detriment to society is not the way. We are all the 99%. Unfortunately others take advantage of those bound in a lower cast. Read up on the real reason for this movement, starting with the discipline of Social Stratification. When I was at university I minored in Sociology and it really opened my eyes to how we as a citizenry got to this point. To be honest, I am surprised it took this long.
30 September 2011
To Smoke or Not to Smoke
I quit smoking on May 11th of 2011. It was a difficult thing to do but it was time. I had been smoking since the age of 14. That was 27 years of smoking under my belt. It was time to quit. I used Nicorette lozenges for 9 weeks and was done. Since going off of the lozenges over two months ago, I have not been able to stop eating. Even when I am so full that I am sick I still feel this emptiness inside. Nothing seems to fill it.
This past week has been extremely difficult and trying. All I think about all day and night long is the pure joy of a cigarette. I really don't want to go back to smoking but the only fulfillment I can have is with a cigarette. Yesterday I decided to use lozenges for awhile until this stress goes away. I have to say, the second that nicotine hit my system, life seemed worth living again, for awhile. I know it is weak but I'd rather do this than pick up a cigarette. It took all I had to break the psychological oral fixation of smoking. I do not want to go back. But this demon nicotine is the one thing that keeps me from going over the edge.
This past week has been extremely difficult and trying. All I think about all day and night long is the pure joy of a cigarette. I really don't want to go back to smoking but the only fulfillment I can have is with a cigarette. Yesterday I decided to use lozenges for awhile until this stress goes away. I have to say, the second that nicotine hit my system, life seemed worth living again, for awhile. I know it is weak but I'd rather do this than pick up a cigarette. It took all I had to break the psychological oral fixation of smoking. I do not want to go back. But this demon nicotine is the one thing that keeps me from going over the edge.
28 September 2011
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 3-Medicaid, Medicare, Disability, and Unemployment for the under 50 crowd
I have had one of the worst days in quite sometime. I was informed early this afternoon that because our son turned 18 we were no longer eligible for Medicaid. My son will have Medicaid until his 19th birthday but my husband and I are SOL. Here are the life events that happened last year:
June 2010-Laid off as a Teacher
July-November 2010-Paying full price for medications. Husbands pain meds for diabetic neropathy was at $200 a month for the one med.
October 2010-Husband suffers a Bell's Palsy episode. Taken to County (No CAT-Scan was done)
October-November 2010-Pay full office visit price for eye specialist (4 times)
November 2010 (Sunday after Thanksgiving)-Husband has a stroke
November 2010-December 2010(2 Days before Christmas)-Husband hospitalized. Loses mobility and function on entire left side.
January 2011-(2 weeks after release and stayed for a week)-Husband re-admitted to hospital because of blood clots in leg. Put on blood thinners for the rest of his life.
Flash forward to today. My husband was approved for Disability at age 49. He is still slowly recovering. He needs physical and occupational therapy twice a week and to visit the coumidin clinic for his blood thinner levels once a month. Not to mention the 16 medications he is on.
Social Security told me he is not eligible for Medicare until 24 months after he was approved for Disability. That means we have to wait until November 29th of 2012 before he can have medical benefits. EVERYTHING will be out of pocket.
How can they honestly think that Disability and Unemployment make for rolling in the cash? They do not take into consideration that rent takes almost half of all of the money that comes into the house. We have NOTHING and yet they don't even want my husband to have a chance to live? We cannot afford 16 medications. Some of them will be covered under the Walgreen or Walmart plans of $4 meds but there are so many he will no longer be able to take because of what?
I have been loosing it after every call. My eyes are so big and puffy. I have no idea what we are going to do. We have no one to help. I have never felt so alone in my life.
June 2010-Laid off as a Teacher
July-November 2010-Paying full price for medications. Husbands pain meds for diabetic neropathy was at $200 a month for the one med.
October 2010-Husband suffers a Bell's Palsy episode. Taken to County (No CAT-Scan was done)
October-November 2010-Pay full office visit price for eye specialist (4 times)
November 2010 (Sunday after Thanksgiving)-Husband has a stroke
November 2010-December 2010(2 Days before Christmas)-Husband hospitalized. Loses mobility and function on entire left side.
January 2011-(2 weeks after release and stayed for a week)-Husband re-admitted to hospital because of blood clots in leg. Put on blood thinners for the rest of his life.
Flash forward to today. My husband was approved for Disability at age 49. He is still slowly recovering. He needs physical and occupational therapy twice a week and to visit the coumidin clinic for his blood thinner levels once a month. Not to mention the 16 medications he is on.
Social Security told me he is not eligible for Medicare until 24 months after he was approved for Disability. That means we have to wait until November 29th of 2012 before he can have medical benefits. EVERYTHING will be out of pocket.
How can they honestly think that Disability and Unemployment make for rolling in the cash? They do not take into consideration that rent takes almost half of all of the money that comes into the house. We have NOTHING and yet they don't even want my husband to have a chance to live? We cannot afford 16 medications. Some of them will be covered under the Walgreen or Walmart plans of $4 meds but there are so many he will no longer be able to take because of what?
I have been loosing it after every call. My eyes are so big and puffy. I have no idea what we are going to do. We have no one to help. I have never felt so alone in my life.
24 September 2011
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 2-The Debt Collectors
I really miss the comedian Bill Hicks. He would have had a political field day during last decade. I thought of his bit he does about people in advertising (I will put the link at the end of this post) and often feel that way about people in debt collections.
I don't know what personal experiences are out there. I have only my own which are true horror show. It is disgusting how you are treated by these people. I understand people have a job to do but you cannot squeeze blood from a turnip. When the calls first began I answered them. I was not trying to get out of my responsibilities, I was simply living on unemployment for a family of 3. Silly me, I thought I could explain to them how we had no money and how I'd paid my student loans religiously for 6 years and had every intention of paying them once I had a job again. Instead of working with me they still demanded the monthly minimum and said the most insulting things:
"Don't you have someone you can borrow the money from?"
(After explaining that my husband had just had a stroke and I can't even pay utilities. I have to pick which utility I can pay on any given month)
"Your student loan is just as important and your utilities."
(Is it really? Will my student loan keep the lights on?)
"This will lower your credit score."
(Really? I had no idea being in object poverty would do that to you)
I have stopped answering the phone. Each debtor calls an average of 5-6 times a day. My phone rings all of the time. Every time I hear it I cringe. It is beyond misery or depression. I am sure the majority of people who are the debt collectors list are like I am. They want to pay for what they owe but do not have the jobs to afford to. It makes life so much more humiliating and depressing when you know the phone ringing is yet another person demanding what you do not have. It is humiliating for my son to hear what a failure his mother is with every ring of the phone.
Biil Hicks-Marketing
Most Americans are but a few paychecks away from where I am. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.
I don't know what personal experiences are out there. I have only my own which are true horror show. It is disgusting how you are treated by these people. I understand people have a job to do but you cannot squeeze blood from a turnip. When the calls first began I answered them. I was not trying to get out of my responsibilities, I was simply living on unemployment for a family of 3. Silly me, I thought I could explain to them how we had no money and how I'd paid my student loans religiously for 6 years and had every intention of paying them once I had a job again. Instead of working with me they still demanded the monthly minimum and said the most insulting things:
"Don't you have someone you can borrow the money from?"
(After explaining that my husband had just had a stroke and I can't even pay utilities. I have to pick which utility I can pay on any given month)
"Your student loan is just as important and your utilities."
(Is it really? Will my student loan keep the lights on?)
"This will lower your credit score."
(Really? I had no idea being in object poverty would do that to you)
I have stopped answering the phone. Each debtor calls an average of 5-6 times a day. My phone rings all of the time. Every time I hear it I cringe. It is beyond misery or depression. I am sure the majority of people who are the debt collectors list are like I am. They want to pay for what they owe but do not have the jobs to afford to. It makes life so much more humiliating and depressing when you know the phone ringing is yet another person demanding what you do not have. It is humiliating for my son to hear what a failure his mother is with every ring of the phone.
Biil Hicks-Marketing
Most Americans are but a few paychecks away from where I am. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.
Complaints spike over debt collectors - Chicago Sun-Times
Complaints spike over debt collectors - Chicago Sun-Times
I have thought this for years. There is nothing more frustrating than being out with a friend and the little chirp goes off. Immediately they check their text and respond. This happens throughout the visit. Nothing can make you feel less important than someones cell phone. I hate my cell phone and only use it when needed and out. I text maybe 5 messages a months as opposed to the average in my age bracket, 30-50 messages a month. PC's are so much different because it is an activity you do alone for the most part. You do not invite your friends over and sit at your PC answering e-mails.
I have thought this for years. There is nothing more frustrating than being out with a friend and the little chirp goes off. Immediately they check their text and respond. This happens throughout the visit. Nothing can make you feel less important than someones cell phone. I hate my cell phone and only use it when needed and out. I text maybe 5 messages a months as opposed to the average in my age bracket, 30-50 messages a month. PC's are so much different because it is an activity you do alone for the most part. You do not invite your friends over and sit at your PC answering e-mails.
22 September 2011
Civility in American Society
In the mornings, while I am still unemployed, I drive my son to University. It is one of the very small things that I can do. This child has had to go from lower middle class to object poverty at a crucial time in his life. We were never at a financial point where we could take vacations but all of the bills were paid. He takes it all with good humor and grace. It doesn't bother him that I purchase all of his clothing at the thrift shops or food from food pantries. So the very least I can do is give him a ride to University.
This morning I drove my son to University. In front of the building I drop him off at is handicap parking. The entire length of the building is handicap parking, as it should be. This morning when I arrived, the entire handicap parking area what vacant. I pulled into an area in between two handicap spots to allow for cars to park in the handicap spots. The area in between the parking spots are as big as a parking spot itself. While dropping my son off I was finishing the update on his father's medical condition and medications. This type of talk can be so very depressing.
As we were just about ready to say our good-byes, a car pulled up beside us and honked. The woman in the car had her window down and I rolled mine down. Perhaps she needed to know how to get to an area on campus. Or was lost. Having spent 11 years working at this campus as well as being an alumni I would be in a position to help with locations. As I rolled the window down she began to yell. Below is the "conversation"
Woman: "This is a handicap parking area"
Me: "I am not parking here. I am just dropping off my son"
Woman: "This is a handicap parking area" (Her voice is raising and she is yelling and becoming confrontational. I am the type of person who does not like yelling or confrontation. I prefer for things to be handled calmly.)
Me: "I understand that. I am just dropping off my son and I am leaving" (Remember, the entire handicap parking area is vacant around the entire front of the building. Having a husband who is disabled, I would never deprive a disabled person from a spot and would be irritated if someone parked in the only remaining spot reserved for someone who needed it. But the parking lot was vacant, spots galore.
Woman: "You can't park here. This is for disabled people. Don't you know about disabled parking?"
Me: "My husband is disabled ma'am. I know about disabled people. I am just dropping my son of and then I am leaving". My husband refused to get the disabled license, plates, or sticker. He said that as long as he could walk with his cane, there were people who needed those spots more than him. That is the mindset of our home. I would never put any type of hardship on a disabled person. I know that living with the disability is difficult enough.
Woman: (screaming with a little spittle coming out of her mouth) "YOU CAN'T PARK HERE"
Me: "Why are you speaking to me this way?"
Woman: "Because I am irritated!!!"
Me: "I am done speaking to you" At this point I rolled up my window. She continued to shout as the window went up. I was gobsmacked.
I did not know how to comprehend what had taken place. I was in an entirely vacant parking area and yet I was yelled at. I am a very compassionate and caring person. I have given my seat up on the bus for the elderly, male or female, while others sat and did nothing. I hold doors, speak respectfully to all. Especially to children. The main reason being, children learn by example. I have had excellent results in the classroom and out in public, just by speaking nicely and respectfully to all. Even during this exchange, my voice never raised, as hers not only raised but became vicious and abusive. I maintained a calm response to her ranting.
As I left, I wondered what type of morning this woman had. She must have had a horrible morning and was itching for a fight. I am never the person to engage in a quarrel because I handle it calmly. That can cause people to get so angry, calm people. What a sad life if you feel the need to engage a stranger in a yelling match. My life is pretty sad but I would never take it out on someone else. It isn't a civilized behavior. Civility is what is needed in times like these, and often lacking.
The only conclusion I have to this situation and others like this is, you never know what is happening in the lives of others. Hurting others because you are hurt, irritating others because you are irritated is mean, selfish and childish and has no place in society.
This morning I drove my son to University. In front of the building I drop him off at is handicap parking. The entire length of the building is handicap parking, as it should be. This morning when I arrived, the entire handicap parking area what vacant. I pulled into an area in between two handicap spots to allow for cars to park in the handicap spots. The area in between the parking spots are as big as a parking spot itself. While dropping my son off I was finishing the update on his father's medical condition and medications. This type of talk can be so very depressing.
As we were just about ready to say our good-byes, a car pulled up beside us and honked. The woman in the car had her window down and I rolled mine down. Perhaps she needed to know how to get to an area on campus. Or was lost. Having spent 11 years working at this campus as well as being an alumni I would be in a position to help with locations. As I rolled the window down she began to yell. Below is the "conversation"
Woman: "This is a handicap parking area"
Me: "I am not parking here. I am just dropping off my son"
Woman: "This is a handicap parking area" (Her voice is raising and she is yelling and becoming confrontational. I am the type of person who does not like yelling or confrontation. I prefer for things to be handled calmly.)
Me: "I understand that. I am just dropping off my son and I am leaving" (Remember, the entire handicap parking area is vacant around the entire front of the building. Having a husband who is disabled, I would never deprive a disabled person from a spot and would be irritated if someone parked in the only remaining spot reserved for someone who needed it. But the parking lot was vacant, spots galore.
Woman: "You can't park here. This is for disabled people. Don't you know about disabled parking?"
Me: "My husband is disabled ma'am. I know about disabled people. I am just dropping my son of and then I am leaving". My husband refused to get the disabled license, plates, or sticker. He said that as long as he could walk with his cane, there were people who needed those spots more than him. That is the mindset of our home. I would never put any type of hardship on a disabled person. I know that living with the disability is difficult enough.
Woman: (screaming with a little spittle coming out of her mouth) "YOU CAN'T PARK HERE"
Me: "Why are you speaking to me this way?"
Woman: "Because I am irritated!!!"
Me: "I am done speaking to you" At this point I rolled up my window. She continued to shout as the window went up. I was gobsmacked.
I did not know how to comprehend what had taken place. I was in an entirely vacant parking area and yet I was yelled at. I am a very compassionate and caring person. I have given my seat up on the bus for the elderly, male or female, while others sat and did nothing. I hold doors, speak respectfully to all. Especially to children. The main reason being, children learn by example. I have had excellent results in the classroom and out in public, just by speaking nicely and respectfully to all. Even during this exchange, my voice never raised, as hers not only raised but became vicious and abusive. I maintained a calm response to her ranting.
As I left, I wondered what type of morning this woman had. She must have had a horrible morning and was itching for a fight. I am never the person to engage in a quarrel because I handle it calmly. That can cause people to get so angry, calm people. What a sad life if you feel the need to engage a stranger in a yelling match. My life is pretty sad but I would never take it out on someone else. It isn't a civilized behavior. Civility is what is needed in times like these, and often lacking.
The only conclusion I have to this situation and others like this is, you never know what is happening in the lives of others. Hurting others because you are hurt, irritating others because you are irritated is mean, selfish and childish and has no place in society.
17 September 2011
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 1
I sat staring at my shoes yesterday when my husband and I were on the way home from Osco Pharmacy. We had just purchased the one medication not covered under medicaid (yet the only neuropathy medication that relieves the pain for my husband). The cost was $172.99. This is the second month in a row we have had to pay that amount for medication. Feeling not so great I stared at my shoes and laughed to myself.
The shoes wore are the ones I wear everyday, my New Balance. I love these shoes and need to wear sneakers with as much running around as I do. This particular pair saw it's day about a year ago. Both shoes on the left sides have holes in them. The holes are so large you can see my socks. I know it is going to be horrible in the winter. Now most people would tell you, just buy a new pair of shoes. That's the part that makes me laugh. The people I know would have no concept of what true poverty means. The shoes are a symbol of my life. Sure there can be a quick fix, like maybe a new pair of sneakers, or my mother paying my electric bill that was past due for 6 months, but those are no real solution. There will still be another bill or prescription that does not have the funds to pay it.
When I didn't have money in the past to pay for something I would wait to the following pay period to purchase it. There is no following pay period now. This is it. I do not think people get it. It is not just tightening the belt a little. Maybe skipping going out to the movies or dinner. It is the harsh reality that you do not have enough money after paying for needed medication to buy something at the store for meals for the week. Or be able to pay for transportation for your husband for the week to get to Doctor's appointments. And it won't be all better after payday, or you can take it out of savings or put it on the card. Those options have long since past.
15 September 2011
On this day 21 years ago...
On this day, 21 years ago, I was sitting in the basement of my then fiances' parents house drinking a shot of tequila my ex's father poured for us, complete with worm. It was to celebrate his 21st Birthday. It was horrible and the taste stayed in my mouth for hours afterward.
On this day, 21 years ago, I gave the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with a gold pocket watch (which he had wanted for years, a box of cigarillos and a bottle of tequila.
On this day, 21 years ago,my future was all laid out and planned. I was a year away from marriage (or so I thought) and the life of a wife of a Lutheran Minister or a Chicago Police Officer. Which ever career he chose.
On this day, 21 years ago, I had hopes, dreams and goals for a happy life. How did so many years pass?
Happy Birthday A.K.. I hope the life you chose still makes you happy.
On this day, 21 years ago, I gave the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with a gold pocket watch (which he had wanted for years, a box of cigarillos and a bottle of tequila.
On this day, 21 years ago,my future was all laid out and planned. I was a year away from marriage (or so I thought) and the life of a wife of a Lutheran Minister or a Chicago Police Officer. Which ever career he chose.
On this day, 21 years ago, I had hopes, dreams and goals for a happy life. How did so many years pass?
Happy Birthday A.K.. I hope the life you chose still makes you happy.
11 September 2011
Detour from Raw Foods
I must say, though I was enjoying my journey with raw foods and will pick it back up. I first had to exercise a demon that has plagued me for 27 years, I quit smoking. It was quite difficult and I will be a smoker for the rest of my life, I will just be a smoker who chooses not to smoke.
Today makes 4 months since my last cigarette. I do so miss them. I know I can do without them but I loved them so.
Now I can begin to focus on raw foods and health. My husband has been improving everyday from his stoke. It has really boosted his confidence.
The boy graduated from high school in June and began university in August. He is just getting the hang of university classes.
So much has happened in such a short time. It is amazing how much there is to say when you have not had a pc for 5 months. I have been using the ipod my husband was given for christmas by his brother and sister as my internet connection. My pc contracted a horrible virus and is unusable. All of my files and life are on the pc sitting at my feel. I have not felt like using this new/old pc of my husbands because my files are not on it and there are no programs of use. I do not even have Word on this thing.
I do hope to begin raw foods again. With me still looking for a job and my husband still recovering from the stroke, it has been difficult to even get to food pantries much less the grocery store for fresh veggies.
Today makes 4 months since my last cigarette. I do so miss them. I know I can do without them but I loved them so.
Now I can begin to focus on raw foods and health. My husband has been improving everyday from his stoke. It has really boosted his confidence.
The boy graduated from high school in June and began university in August. He is just getting the hang of university classes.
So much has happened in such a short time. It is amazing how much there is to say when you have not had a pc for 5 months. I have been using the ipod my husband was given for christmas by his brother and sister as my internet connection. My pc contracted a horrible virus and is unusable. All of my files and life are on the pc sitting at my feel. I have not felt like using this new/old pc of my husbands because my files are not on it and there are no programs of use. I do not even have Word on this thing.
I do hope to begin raw foods again. With me still looking for a job and my husband still recovering from the stroke, it has been difficult to even get to food pantries much less the grocery store for fresh veggies.
03 April 2011
The Journey of Raw Foods-Day 5
It has now been over 48 hours with no coffee. There is no withdrawal or cravings for it. My mind is completely blown. I still can't get over the fact that coffee is not a part of my daily life's blood.
My husband is not doing the juice fast or raw diet, which is fine. I went to my local Starbucks this morning to get my husband his coffee and ran into my usual barista. I have been talking to her about the raw foods journey I am on. When she saw me this morning she waived her arms in the air and exclaimed, "I'm doing it! After work today I am going to get a juicer and start a raw foods diet." She was so excited about trying a raw foods path. She said towards the end of our conversation, "I hope you don't mind, but I am following in your footsteps."
I thought about this on the way home and it made me think of who is my inspiration for this journey, my younger cousin Betty. She has been vegan for years. She is an amazing young woman who is filled with passion for healthy living, strong, and a self-assured force of nature. She has always been this way, even when she was a small child. Here's to you, my inspiration, Betty.
My husband is not doing the juice fast or raw diet, which is fine. I went to my local Starbucks this morning to get my husband his coffee and ran into my usual barista. I have been talking to her about the raw foods journey I am on. When she saw me this morning she waived her arms in the air and exclaimed, "I'm doing it! After work today I am going to get a juicer and start a raw foods diet." She was so excited about trying a raw foods path. She said towards the end of our conversation, "I hope you don't mind, but I am following in your footsteps."
I thought about this on the way home and it made me think of who is my inspiration for this journey, my younger cousin Betty. She has been vegan for years. She is an amazing young woman who is filled with passion for healthy living, strong, and a self-assured force of nature. She has always been this way, even when she was a small child. Here's to you, my inspiration, Betty.
01 April 2011
The Journey of Raw Foods-Day 3
As I begin day 3 of a raw foods lifestyle I find it is not as horrible as I thought it would be. I was always a total food craver. For the past two days I have been on a juice fast and though I have smelled some awesome foods, I think back to one of the video blogs I watched about smells. A woman RawDownUnder posted on her blog about the smells of food. How the smells are better than actually eating the food. It was funny, last night my husband wanted a frozen pizza for dinner. I cooked it and it smelled and looked incredible. I inhaled the smell and it was wonderful. My stomach gurgled a little. But I was so good. I did not have even a taste. What I found myself wanting was to eat a banana. I know I have several more days on the juice fast so I stayed steady and had a glass of the fresh juice I made.
I still think of bad food occasionally. Yesterday evening I had to pick up prescriptions for my husband at the grocery store. It was amazing walking through a grocery store and only buying grapes and kiwi. I did not look at all of my previous trappings. I stayed focused and it felt great.
I have begun a picture a day to see the difference in me over the days. I want this to be a lifelong journey to healthy living. Once food is no longer a focal point in my life I can focus on everything else.
As I enter day 3 I am focused, goal driven and happy. I cannot wait for the toxins in my body to begin to leave. I drink a lot more water than I ever did. Before I relied on the water in my coffee to do the work of hydration. Fruits are wonderful. I cannot wait to be able to have smoothies. That is still five days away. I will get the greens in and my body will begin to heal from all of the years of damage I have done to it.
I still think of bad food occasionally. Yesterday evening I had to pick up prescriptions for my husband at the grocery store. It was amazing walking through a grocery store and only buying grapes and kiwi. I did not look at all of my previous trappings. I stayed focused and it felt great.
I have begun a picture a day to see the difference in me over the days. I want this to be a lifelong journey to healthy living. Once food is no longer a focal point in my life I can focus on everything else.
As I enter day 3 I am focused, goal driven and happy. I cannot wait for the toxins in my body to begin to leave. I drink a lot more water than I ever did. Before I relied on the water in my coffee to do the work of hydration. Fruits are wonderful. I cannot wait to be able to have smoothies. That is still five days away. I will get the greens in and my body will begin to heal from all of the years of damage I have done to it.
30 March 2011
The Journey of Raw Foods-Day 1
I have been contemplating a Raw Foods diet for sometime now. I have lived a very unhealthy lifestyle for the past 10 years or so. There are many contributors to this destructive path, the main being my state of mind and what I will accept. For the past week I have been researching a raw foods diet and the benefits. Mainly because, I am tired of feeling unhealthy. I would not say that I am sick. There are no sniffles or colds, but I feel very unhealthy.
I feel now that I am ready for this change in lifestyle. Before all I would fantasize about is the foods I would be missing. I do not feel that way now. I am not thinking about all that I will miss out on. What I feel is all that I have the potential to benefit from. I am excited to start this new journey.
The first step is the detox period, that will be rough. Not for wanting to eat but for all of the impurities to gradually leave my system. The biggest obstacle for me is getting the "greens" in my system. Sure, I love spinach cooked and with butter. But to get back to the basics that my body needs, that is now gone, and I'm okay with that. I have never been a real salad eater either. But after all of the research I think there is a solution, blending. I have found excellent recipes online for adding the greens to raw smoothies that will get the greens in me.
My past diet over the year has been the worst foods you can feed your body: pizza, pastas, EVERYTHING chocolate, buttered everything, breads, and TONS of starches. Anyone who knows me knows I love sugar and starch. It really takes a mindset to be able to begin this journey, but I am more than ready.
Since I am giving up dairy as well as meat, processed foods, and anything cooked, the biggest hurdle is my coffee. I know I will eventually give up coffee all together but that is one of my last hold-outs. Since I drank my coffee with 2% milk and truvia I had to change that. I have just started drinking my coffee with pure almond milk. It is a little different taste and is a little thicker than I am use to, but it is alright. It reminds me a little of drinking coffee with cream. I was never a cream drinker.
Currently the medical issues I have are below. I have read and viewed some wonderful results medically from what should be obvious to me at this stage in my life.:
1-High Blood Pressure (3 medications to control)
2-Migraine Headaches ( Once a month or so)
3-Knee Joint Pain (I have had this since my mid-20's. They really hurt when there is humidity in the air)
4-Back Pain when waking (unless I have my legs elevated)
I am sure there are more but those are the most pressing ones.
I am very fortunate my husband bought a juicer many years ago. I made a juice of Granny Smith Apples and Red and Black Seedless Grapes (all on sale at Dominicks). I know I will have to have better juices and more organic, but money is always tight.
For the first week of detox fruit juices only then after the first week I can move on to smoothies (Happy to have my old blender. It may be beat-up and old but it still works) infused with greens. It's funny, I was talking to be BF yesterday and the one thing she said she would have a problem with in going smoothie or juice was not having the different textures in her mouth when eating. For me, I will be happy to no longer have to get my nutrients by chewing. I feel that this "liquid" type diet would be easier for me to handle. If you told me that a month ago I would have thought you were mad.
Sure, I would like to loose weight, but that is not the main reason for doing this. I just want to feel healthy. It feels as if my body is a full of toxic waste. The stupid thing is, I put it there.
I am too young to be this unhealthy. I am almost 42 and feel much older. I want to be around for my sons life. I want to see him fall in love, graduate University, start a family and become the wonderful man I know he will be. How can I do that when I am on this self-destructive path? It starts now. It starts today.
I will post more in the weeks ahead to see if this path is the right one, which I feel it will be. Wish me luck
I feel now that I am ready for this change in lifestyle. Before all I would fantasize about is the foods I would be missing. I do not feel that way now. I am not thinking about all that I will miss out on. What I feel is all that I have the potential to benefit from. I am excited to start this new journey.
The first step is the detox period, that will be rough. Not for wanting to eat but for all of the impurities to gradually leave my system. The biggest obstacle for me is getting the "greens" in my system. Sure, I love spinach cooked and with butter. But to get back to the basics that my body needs, that is now gone, and I'm okay with that. I have never been a real salad eater either. But after all of the research I think there is a solution, blending. I have found excellent recipes online for adding the greens to raw smoothies that will get the greens in me.
My past diet over the year has been the worst foods you can feed your body: pizza, pastas, EVERYTHING chocolate, buttered everything, breads, and TONS of starches. Anyone who knows me knows I love sugar and starch. It really takes a mindset to be able to begin this journey, but I am more than ready.
Since I am giving up dairy as well as meat, processed foods, and anything cooked, the biggest hurdle is my coffee. I know I will eventually give up coffee all together but that is one of my last hold-outs. Since I drank my coffee with 2% milk and truvia I had to change that. I have just started drinking my coffee with pure almond milk. It is a little different taste and is a little thicker than I am use to, but it is alright. It reminds me a little of drinking coffee with cream. I was never a cream drinker.
Currently the medical issues I have are below. I have read and viewed some wonderful results medically from what should be obvious to me at this stage in my life.:
1-High Blood Pressure (3 medications to control)
2-Migraine Headaches ( Once a month or so)
3-Knee Joint Pain (I have had this since my mid-20's. They really hurt when there is humidity in the air)
4-Back Pain when waking (unless I have my legs elevated)
I am sure there are more but those are the most pressing ones.
I am very fortunate my husband bought a juicer many years ago. I made a juice of Granny Smith Apples and Red and Black Seedless Grapes (all on sale at Dominicks). I know I will have to have better juices and more organic, but money is always tight.
For the first week of detox fruit juices only then after the first week I can move on to smoothies (Happy to have my old blender. It may be beat-up and old but it still works) infused with greens. It's funny, I was talking to be BF yesterday and the one thing she said she would have a problem with in going smoothie or juice was not having the different textures in her mouth when eating. For me, I will be happy to no longer have to get my nutrients by chewing. I feel that this "liquid" type diet would be easier for me to handle. If you told me that a month ago I would have thought you were mad.
Sure, I would like to loose weight, but that is not the main reason for doing this. I just want to feel healthy. It feels as if my body is a full of toxic waste. The stupid thing is, I put it there.
I am too young to be this unhealthy. I am almost 42 and feel much older. I want to be around for my sons life. I want to see him fall in love, graduate University, start a family and become the wonderful man I know he will be. How can I do that when I am on this self-destructive path? It starts now. It starts today.
I will post more in the weeks ahead to see if this path is the right one, which I feel it will be. Wish me luck
28 March 2011
Stroke at 49 part 3
Well, it has been sometime since my last posting on my husband's stroke. We hit the four month marker of post-stroke. I wish I could say that there has been a miraculous improvement but it is all so slow moving. David has been pretty positive through all of this but the cracks are beginning to appear. It is so hard for me to imagine how it must feel being cooped up it the apartment day after day. The simplest trips to the store or for physical therapy or doctors appointments are a big production that is tiring.
To date David still has no movement in his shoulder, very limited movement in his arm and hand. He can raise his left arm to almost chest level with a great deal of effort and concentration. He can only do it for one or two repetitions. His left knee does bend but get caught in the locked position a lot. His ankle he can move with a great deal of concentration and effort. His left foot still has no feeling and both his foot and calf are constantly swelling. We have to wait until May for his third ultrasound on his leg to see if the blood thinners have broken up the clots in the four arteries that go from his foot to his abdomen.
The hardest days for travel are when we know we are going to need to be walking for distances. I have to carry down the wheelchair from our third floor apartment and carry it back up. We do not have a handicap parking sticker so I usually have to pull up to the place we are going, get the chair out of the back seat, help him get situated, then find parking. It's funny, people seem to think that there is a lot of free time when staying home and caring for your loved one, if anyone spent anytime in my shoes, they would go to bed early every night.
There is so much more I would like to be doing but it is so difficult to find the time to do it. While taking care of him I am ever still on the job hunt. Looking for work, taking care of him and our son, doing all of the household chores alone is really tiring.
To date David still has no movement in his shoulder, very limited movement in his arm and hand. He can raise his left arm to almost chest level with a great deal of effort and concentration. He can only do it for one or two repetitions. His left knee does bend but get caught in the locked position a lot. His ankle he can move with a great deal of concentration and effort. His left foot still has no feeling and both his foot and calf are constantly swelling. We have to wait until May for his third ultrasound on his leg to see if the blood thinners have broken up the clots in the four arteries that go from his foot to his abdomen.
The hardest days for travel are when we know we are going to need to be walking for distances. I have to carry down the wheelchair from our third floor apartment and carry it back up. We do not have a handicap parking sticker so I usually have to pull up to the place we are going, get the chair out of the back seat, help him get situated, then find parking. It's funny, people seem to think that there is a lot of free time when staying home and caring for your loved one, if anyone spent anytime in my shoes, they would go to bed early every night.
There is so much more I would like to be doing but it is so difficult to find the time to do it. While taking care of him I am ever still on the job hunt. Looking for work, taking care of him and our son, doing all of the household chores alone is really tiring.
19 January 2011
Decline of the American History Classroom
Subject Matters: Why students fall behind on history from CNN
Above is a link about a subject near and dear to my heart. By the time they figure out the importance of learning history and begin to value History Teachers again, I will be too old to teach. I truly miss teaching history to students. What I don't miss is spending at least half of my lesson time on disciplinary issues. I just don't understand how we went from having classrooms where the trouble makers were sent to the Principal or Disciplinarian. Those students did not return to class, a parent was called, and the student really got it from mom or dad when they got home. That was how it was when I was in school in the 80's. Teachers were allowed to teach.
What I knew in school was that my education was my responsibility. There was no free hand out of diploma's. If you didn't like your grade you worked harder to change it. There was no bullying of teachers as I see now in the classroom. I cannot tell you how many parents came into my classroom, when I was still teaching, and demanding, argued, yelled, and occasionally became verbally abusive to the point of security stepping in because their child's grades were horrible. It seems in the education field, yelling is what works. Principal's will bend over backwards, break set rules, to appease hostile parents. Why? Because they fear the call to the district office. They know they can be pulled from the school they are at. Often the Teacher is left to feel and look powerless. Students see this. Parents see this. Education is not education when these tactics are pulled, it is thuggery, bullying, and blackmail. Change the grade, break the rules, or you may not have a job to come back to. It makes me sick.
02 January 2011
Stroke at 49 part 2
This is the face of a 49 year old with a stroke. My darling husband has been through hell and back and is still fighting. Words cannot describe what it is like to have a stroke at such a young age or to care for someone who has suffered through it. It has been 35 days since my husband's stroke on the right front lobe hemisphere of his brain. He has had regained movement in his left thigh and calf. To date he is still without movement in the following areas of the left side of his body:
- Face
- Shoulder
- Upper Arm
- Lower Arm
- Wrist
- Hand
- Fingers and Thumb
- Ankle
- Foot
- All ten toes
What has been the most difficult thing is to see a once proud, do it myself kind of man reduced to requesting help to go anywhere around the house, get dressed etc.
Yesterday his left calf was really bothering him. It was more swollen than usual. His foot and ankle were more swollen as well. This morning, after having no sleep the night before, he would not wake up. I spent 2 hours until he finally woke up to take his medications. Everyday is a constant study of anything out of the ordinary or new. The possibility of a second stroke can be high.
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