The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 1

I sat staring at my shoes yesterday when my husband and I were on the way home from Osco Pharmacy. We had just purchased the one medication not covered under medicaid (yet the only neuropathy medication that relieves the pain for my husband). The cost was $172.99. This is the second month in a row we have had to pay that amount for medication. Feeling not so great I stared at my shoes and laughed to myself.

The shoes wore are the ones I wear everyday, my New Balance. I love these shoes and need to wear sneakers with as much running around as I do. This particular pair saw it's day about a year ago. Both shoes on the left sides have holes in them. The holes are so large you can see my socks. I know it is going to be horrible in the winter. Now most people would tell you, just buy a new pair of shoes. That's the part that makes me laugh. The people I know would have no concept of what true poverty means. The shoes are a symbol of my life. Sure there can be a quick fix, like maybe a new pair of sneakers, or my mother paying my electric bill that was past due for 6 months, but those are no real solution. There will still be another bill or prescription that does not have the funds to pay it.

When I didn't have money in the past to pay for something I would wait to the following pay period to purchase it. There is no following pay period now. This is it. I do not think people get it. It is not just tightening the belt a little. Maybe skipping going out to the movies or dinner. It is the harsh reality that you do not have enough money after paying for needed medication to buy something at the store for meals for the week. Or be able to pay for transportation for your husband for the week to get to Doctor's appointments. And it won't be all better after payday, or you can take it out of savings or put it on the card. Those options have long since past.

This hopelessness/helplessness effects your entire life, for the rest of your life. There is no longer a sense of happiness, laughter and ease. That has been replaced by dread, fear, and tension. I do not know if this will ever go away. I have my doubts. I have read countless tales of the survivors of the Great Depression. Hell, my Great Grand Parents lost everything in the Great Depression and were changed for ever. People who love the old you. The one that was like them don't realize, you are not like them. You never will be again. The absolute best you can hope for is to find a job that pays at least half of what you were making as an educator, and keep your fingers crossed that there will be health benefits. If not that you make just below what Medicaid will allow for you to continue using Medicaid. The most important thing is not to think of what your life was and who you use to be. That person is long gone.