Stroke Victim at 49

14 June 2012

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 14-Rejection, dejection and pain

When someone is on the edge of sanity, has a family history of debilitating depression and suicide, here are a few tips on what not to do: 

1-Tell your lifelong friend whom you have always thought of as family that you "need a break" from their friendship. Especially when that persons back, mind, and spirit are slowly breaking with every blow that this life is delivering. Worst thing is to, when they tell you they are on the ledge of life, leaning more towards death, to just stop all of the steaming piles of dung dumping all over their lives and soul, is to tell them the ultimate FU-"Call a helpline or check into County Hospital" This is telling the person not to call you. A real friend does not abandon a drowning person. Words cannot describe the pain of this loss. Of all of the things in life that could be counted on as a sure and true thing was a best friend. That is lost. 27 years of family/friendship cut with a sword of words. I suppose the true feelings of that friend all along. 

2-If you meet your long lost father when you are the ripe old age of 30 and his wife treats you and calls you one of her daughters. Don't expect to really have a place in their hearts. I always thought my father and his wife cared about me. When I joined FB and Mom2 was on there around the same time 3 years ago or so she sent me a family request for me to be her daughter and her my mother. I accepted this gladly. This afternoon I saw a request from her to list me in her family group as Stepmother. It was a painful request. I would have preferred she deleted me rather then demoting my status in her and my fathers lives.

Relationships are something I was never any good at. I am sure it is because I have always come from the rejected persons perspective since birth. You would think it would become easier to deal with the losses in life but it never does.

It is amazing to me to see how little people actually see the ones they say they love. I don't mean with visits but with the circumstances and surroundings in which they live. The weight of all of the calamitous events that occur, one right after the other as the person they once knew gets sucked into the abyss of financial, physical, mental and spiritual ruin. It isn't until that persons funeral that they say, "I had no idea she was struggling so much. I wish she would have said something." They cry, act as if they were there the whole time, helping, listening, or just reaching out a hand to keep the person from being lost forever. People don't really care the way they say they do and then you get surprised by a caring thought or concern from those you don't expect to. People that are far away and have heavy plates of their own. A tender word or thought that can brighten a moment in your blackened day.

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