09 November 2010

Bell's Palsy and the Blues

Friday evening my husbands smile seemed a little slanted to the left side. It was very minor and we did not worry about it. By Saturday his whole left side was drooping. He could not blink or close his left eye too well. His speech became difficult as only half of his mouth was moving. We were very worried. He had a scheduled visit for Wednesday to see his Doctor. A wonderful man who is charging us very little until we have insurance again. I called his Doctor and told him about what was going on. The Doctor told me to get him to the hospital right away. He had me do a few tests over the phone and the Doctor felt it was Bell's Palsy but my husband still needed to see a Doctor immediately. Our Doctor told us to go to Cook County even though we live, literally 2 blocks from the hospital we see our Doctor at. He even told me if we went to the hospital by the house it could cost us thousands.

We went to Cook County Hospital where they confirmed Bell's Palsy. My poor husband who has always been the take charge man was letting me take care of him and get him to the hospital and be the take charge of the situation. The Bell's Palsy (which I will describe below) will now leave his face paralyzed for 3-6 months. Our hopes of continued job hunting are now up in smoke. My husband can barely speak. There is no way we can have him go to interviews. 

Yesterday I had to take him to the eye Doctor because of the incredible pain in his eye due to the paralysis. That was $75 for the visit and the Doctor was kind enough to give us samples rather than writing a prescription. He told my husband that his Bell's Palsy was pretty severe. 

No money, no means of looking for a job and now my Doctor called me and left a message on Friday saying that she has some test results from me that were very concerning. My last test were taken in June before I lost my insurance. I remember getting blood drawn and not seeing the Doctor again because I could not afford the visit. I am so beyond tired. There is just a constant barrage of insanity dumped on me. I seriously do not know how much more I can stand. I cannot call until tomorrow for my Doctor. She does not have office hours on Tuesday. Meanwhile, I am still unemployed, have no resources and a family that I have told my situation to but seem to have more pressing things to worry about. I understand my aunt who is going through cancer treatment  and her family are pre-occupied. But I have 10 aunts and uncles and not one has offered to help me or check in on me. I am really on my way to an early grave.

Bell's Palsy

Bell's palsy is a form of temporary facial paralysis resulting from damage or trauma to the facial nerves. The facial nerve-also called the 7th cranial nerve-travels through a narrow, bony canal (called the Fallopian canal) in the skull, beneath the ear, to the muscles on each side of the face. For most of its journey, the nerve is encased in this bony shell.

Each facial nerve directs the muscles on one side of the face, including those that control eye blinking and closing, and facial expressions such as smiling and frowning. Additionally, the facial nerve carries nerve impulses to the lacrimal or tear glands, the saliva glands, and the muscles of a small bone in the middle of the ear called the stapes. The facial nerve also transmits taste sensations from the tongue.
When Bell's palsy occurs, the function of the facial nerve is disrupted, causing an interruption in the messages the brain sends to the facial muscles. This interruption results in facial weakness or paralysis.

Bell's palsy is named for Sir Charles Bell, a 19th century Scottish surgeon who was the first to describe the condition. The disorder, which is not related to stroke, is the most common cause of facial paralysis. Generally, Bell's palsy affects only one of the paired facial nerves and one side of the face, however, in rare cases, it can affect both sides.

Symptoms of Bell's palsy can vary from person to person and range in severity from mild weakness to total paralysis.  These symptoms may include twitching, weakness, or paralysis on one or rarely both sides of the face.  Other symptoms may include drooping of the eyelid and corner of the mouth, drooling, dryness of the eye or mouth, impairment of taste, and excessive tearing in one eye. Most often these symptoms, which usually begin suddenly and reach their peak within 48 hours, lead to significant facial distortion.
Other symptoms may include pain or discomfort around the jaw and behind the ear, ringing in one or both ears, headache, loss of taste, hypersensitivity to sound on the affected side, impaired speech, dizziness, and difficulty eating or drinking.


Bell's palsy occurs when the nerve that controls the facial muscles is swollen, inflamed, or compressed, resulting in facial weakness or paralysis. Exactly what causes this damage, however, is unknown.

Many scientists believe that viral infections such as the virus the causes cold sore virus -- herpes simplex -- can cause the disorder. They believe that the facial nerve swells and becomes inflamed in reaction to the infection, causing pressure within the Fallopian canal and leading to ischemia (the restriction of blood and oxygen to the nerve cells).  In some mild cases (where recovery is rapid), there is damage only to the myelin sheath of the nerve.  The myelin sheath is the fatty covering-which acts as an insulator-on nerve fibers in the brain.

The disorder has also been associated with influenza or a flu-like illness, headaches, chronic middle ear infection, high blood pressure, diabetes, sarcoidosis, tumors, Lyme disease, and trauma such as skull fracture or facial injury.
 
The prognosis for individuals with Bell's palsy is generally very good.  The extent of nerve damage determines the extent of recovery.  Improvement is gradual and recovery times vary.  With or without treatment, most individuals begin to get better within 2 weeks after the initial onset of symptoms and most recover completely, returning to normal function within 3 to 6 months.  For some, however, the symptoms may last longer.  In a few cases, the symptoms may never completely disappear.  In rare cases, the disorder may recur, either on the same or the opposite side of the face.

06 November 2010

My Starry Eyes

 I was driving this morning and had  XRT on the radio. I laughed with joy as this song was played. I hadn't thought of or heard this song in almost 20 years! One thing is for sure, The Records, should have had more of a success here then they did. The song Starry Eyes is simplistically, complicatedly, wonderful. Thanks for the flashback of youth guys!

I tried linking the video from youtube, it was being difficult. Sorry. The premiere of the song took place in a shop window and was filmed. Before the MTV days or videos. It was great to see the crowd gathering for this oddity.
 
Starry Eyes-By The Records

While you were off in France, we were stranded in the British Isles.

Left to fall apart amongst your passports and your files.

We never asked for miracles, but they were our concern.

Did you really think we'd sit it out and wait for your return?


I don't want to argue. I ain't gonna budge.

Won't you take this number down before you call up the judge?

I don't want to argue. There's nothing to say.

Get me out of your starry eyes and be on your way!


While you were on the beach, were you dreaming all about your share?

Planning to invest it all to cover wear and tear?

We paid for all the phone calls. The money's off the shelf.

Don't you know that while you're gone away, I've got to help myself?


I don't want to argue. I ain't gonna budge.

Won't you take this number down before you call up the judge?

I don't want to argue. There's nothing to say.

Get me out of your starry eyes and be on your way!


While you were in the pool, we were meeting with the boys upstairs,

Talking to the money men, and carrying out affairs.

We had no time for cocktails, or working up a tan.

The boys have all been spoken to. The writ has hit the fan.


I don't want to argue. I ain't gonna budge.

Won't you take this number down before you call up the judge?

I don't want to argue. There's nothing to say.

Get me out of your starry eyes and be on your way


03 November 2010

Amend the Illinois Constitution for what again?

On my 18th Birthday I did three things:

Celebrate my Birthday
Get a tattoo
Register to vote

All three things on the list were forbidden to me growing up. Though I feel a sense of exhilaration for those three acts, done over 20 years ago, my most profound was registering to vote. I find it unbelievable that in a country like the USA so few people actually exercise this right. I was speaking to my son last night about voting yesterday and he informed me that on his 18th Birthday in a few months he will be registering to vote and getting a tattoo. I have always tried to instill a sense of social and civil responsibility in him. When I see what is happening to our country it makes me weep.

While I was voting yesterday there was a ballot initiative to vote on amending the Illinois Constitution. I had to reread the question twice. The question asked if we should amend the Constitution to have a Governor removed by special election. What a complete waste of taxpayers money. Of course the initiative was passed at about 70%. Just because you don't like a Governor or they are of the opposing party affiliation as you, you can now vote them out of office? That is silly. What do you do when you don't like an ELECTED Governor? Suck it up, wait out the four year term, and vote them out of office. This is now going to turn it into a circus sideshow. I just don't understand what happened to patience and dealing with something you do not like. Democrats in Illinois had Republican Governors for 24+ years in a row until Rod Blagovitch was elected. I am sure Democrats were not happy, but they sucked it up. Just like Republicans had to suck up having President Bill Clinton in office for 8 years. Guess what? Both Democrats and Republicans survived their own "ordeals". Life went on. Why now, do we need to have special elections? After only 4 years? I just don't get it.

24 October 2010

Court Intrigue

My Grandmother was brought back to the hospital yesterday. One of my aunts called me and I spent the late afternoon/early evening with my aunt and an uncle that showed up later. It was a very difficult day because of my Grandmothers condition. We were told that she needed a pace maker and that it was non-intrusive surgery. The time spent with my aunt and uncle was nice. It had been years since I spent any time with them. We were able to make my Grandmother feel good and loved.

Why then should I feel like I am dealing with Medici intrigue? When I got home my other uncle called me to see how my Grandmother was doing. All I know is that he is her son and that he loves her. I updated him about her situation. The next thing I know, my uncle who has power of attorney is calling me in the morning pissed off because I told the other uncle what was happening. I have been told my entire life that I am only a niece and that I cannot have any say. That is fine. If there are issues among my aunts and uncles, I am not in the loop. All I know is that my Grandmother is sick and if one of her children calls me concerned about her I let them know what is going on. I was only trying to do the right thing. For that I was berated and will probably be barred from contact yet again. There is so much high drama going on behind the scenes that I have no privy to. The only thing I know is right, is I love my Grandma. I want her to be happy and comfortable. The last thing I would ever want to cause is stress in her life. I will go back to being solitary. I am so use to it. I will fondly keep my childhood memories to myself and live, as I have lived, without support, caring, or concern from a family.

14 October 2010

No Link Card for You

I received my letter from DHS and was told that I make too much in unemployment, by $100 a month to be entitled to any food assistance. WTF am I suppose to do now? One unemployment check doesn't even cover rent. I thought I would have some food assistance so maybe I could pay my utilities too. I am so screwed.

13 October 2010

The Toughest Grandma

My Grandmother has been in the hospital for over two weeks, only two blocks from my house. I adore my Grandmother. She is the strongest toughest woman I know. My family did not tell me she was in the hospital for almost three days. Since I am unemployed I have been spending most days, all day long, with my Grandmother. What I can't understand is why I was the only one there most days. My Grandmother had twelve children. Excluding the one who passed away and the ones who live out of state, there should have been more people there. When my family is there the drama ensues. It is always about money, Grandma's money. My Grandfather managed to start a family just before he went off to WWII. When he returned he build a strong career as a carpenter and managed to feed and house all of his children. By the time my Grandfather passed away, through frugal savings he secured enough money for my Grandmother to have for the rest of her life and to have a little for each of his children.

My sweet Grandmother wants one thing, to live with family. She was married for 62 years and always had a house full of family. Now in her 85th year she is living alone in Assisted Living where she rarely wants to leave bed. When she does wake up long enough for visitors all she talks about is being done with life. She is so lonely. Living with family would make her happy. How is it that the one uncle who would take her in the family has a problem with? The rest of her children want her in a home. It breaks my heart. I rent a 3rd floor apartment and am unemployed. I would take my Grandmother in a heartbeat, for her, if I could. It breaks my heart to see everything as a dollar or cent thing. My Grandmother gave life to this family and the family cannot take care of her? Let's not forget, the money issue. They want to quibble over who is getting what of my Grandparents money. I told my Grandparents years ago (yes even 10 years ago they were fighting over my Grandparents money) that they should leave the money to research for Frontal Lobe Dementia or for Suicide Prevention. One to help prevent other families from feeling the pain as we did for the loss of our beloved Chris or to find more treatment possibilities for others as here is no real treatment for Charley right now. It would serve them all right. Of course, they are the children and parents will do all that they can for their children.

When I attempt to make a suggestion I am told that my voice does not count as I am only a niece and have no say. I am trying to be the voice for my Grandmother. I only hope that when I am old my son will remember how my Grandmothers family acted and treat me with a little more dignity.

05 October 2010

Checklist for Overwhelming Depression and Despondency

Checklist for overwhelming depression and despondency:

---Lose job, check
 
---Send out hundreds of resumes and have only a hand full of interviews that lead nowhere, check
 
---Wait at Food Stamp office twice for hours on end with no food stamps yet given, check
 
---Go to Food Pantry to receive food, check
 
---Have bill collectors calling everyday, check
 
---Pay $190 for one prescription because of no health insurance, check
 
---Applying and still waiting for MediCaid, check
 
---Find out your father was rushed to the hospital because of a post on his daughters Facebook asking her friends to pray for him, check
 
---Finding out your Grandmother (from your mother's side) has been in the hospital for 3 days, in serious condition, just down the street from where you live, but none of your aunts or uncles bothered to tell you until the "black sheep" uncle found out last night, check
 
---Weeping uncontrollably every morning wondering just how deep this hole will get and what the point is of going on, check

When someone is feeling hopeless about their situation, the last thing they should ever feel is last in peoples lives. I have always felt like a consolation prize, second class citizen, growing up. The way I was raised affected me throughout my adult life. My mothers family and my own mother treated me as an afterthought. When I met my father at the age of 30 I knew I would never have the father/daughter relationship with him that I dreamed of my whole life. I love my Dad. But when you get comments from his daughters about how you look like a distant cousin (I look more like him than any of his daughters), being called illegitimate by his youngest, being ignored as a nothing from his younger 2, and finding out he was in the hospital because of a posting asking friends to pray for him on his older daughters facebook, it solidifies my place and value in his families lives. 

Now my Grandmother, who was like a mother to me, is in the hospital, only two blocks away, and no one called or told me. These aunts that told me they loved me. These relatives that cried buckets when Chris died have no compassion or love for me. I realize that one of my aunts is going through cancer treatment. She has more on her mind than anyone else. But the rest of my family knows about my situation and I have not received a single phone call to check in on me. My uncle Chester is the only one who calls to check in. He is in the same jobless situation I am in. He is the one who tells me when something happens in the family. I am at the lowest point in my life and friends and family are nowhere to be found.

My best friend called three weeks ago and wanted to take me out to tell me all about her trip and to give me a gift she was excited about. How do you explain to people that you don't want to be out? The only filmstrip on the projector in your brain is the ever expanding hole of hell that is your life? I can't sit and smile over a cup of coffee having small talk. How can I do that when I can't get through a meal without weeping? I feel like the homeless person that everyone passes and ignores. Who knows, maybe people are just waiting for this whole pesky poor thing ends in my life so I won't be so poor and pathetic. My days of plastic are over. I use to say every morning before I left for work that I was on. My days of being on are over. This has hurt me more than financially, it has hurt me spiritually. I always knew that the support system most people take for granted, I have never known. I do not know what a safety net is. If I loose this apartment and become homeless, there is no Mommy or Daddy's house to run to and live till I'm on my feet. I am all I have.