I teach at a school in a low-income area. many of these students' only meals are the ones that the school provides. As it is a small school and atendance is pretty poor, they do not serve hot lunch. These students eat cold sandwiches every day. I started a ritual during the winter of, everytime I went to Aldi's, I would buy a case of Rahman noodles. They avereged out to less than 10 cents for a hot meal. I would keep those in the classroom for students if they wanted a hot meal once an awhile.
The demand for noodles has been low and I haven't been to Aldi's since before Christmas. One of the students who would get noodles from me usually hadn't been in my class in almost 2 months. Yesterday he saw me in the hallway and asked for some noodles. I told him I was mad at him because I haven't seen him in months and missed him in class. While I was looking, with my arms folded, into my fellow teachers classroom with a pretend frowny face on, the student gave me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek and said he still moved me anyways, and scampered off. I went into my fellow teachers room and we laughed about what an odd thing to see. I am a physically distant person. People, especially students, pick up on that.
Today, I met with my fellow teachers for our morning ritual of talking about yesterdays events. I shared the story and went about the day. 4th period is lunch for most of the school. That and there being a field trip which took 30 students left me with no students for 4th or 5th. One of my other fellow teachers came to me during 4th period (a much needed time to catch up on grading) and told me that the homicide police were at the school during 4th period lunch looking for the student who kissed me on my cheek the day before. It seems that a few hours before that kiss on the cheek he killed a man. During the conversation with the other teacher she too had an odd experience with him coming up behind her at her desk, giving her a quick hug and kiss on the top of her head, and told her that he loved her.
Was that because he knew he would be caut? Or that he was leaving the city and it was his way of saying goodbye? The only other time I remember an affectionate act as striking me as odd was the last time I saw my uncle Chris. When he was leaving my house after visiting for the day he hugged me and told me what a great mother I was and how proud of me he was and how much he loved me. The hug lasted longer than our standard hug and it stayed with me for days after until 2 weeks later when I got the call that he hanged himself.
I don't know now, like I didn't know then, how to feel. This was a student that was very smart, stayed up on current events, could debate political views, and was a talented writer. It is such a waste. A waste of life for the man he killed and that of the life he will spend in prison when he is caught.
I love my Grandma!
One of my aunt's e-mailed me this morning to tell me my Grandmother was in the hospital. She'd been there since midnight on Sunday. The hospital is only a block from my house. I was pretty cheesed no one told me sooner. After I picked up the boy from school we went to the hospital and spent 3 hours with her.
One of the great things about my Grandmother is her sense of humor. She is very devilish and has quite a evil wit about her. She began telling the boy and I about the neighbors who lived next door to them in the 70's in Rogers Park. Back then my Grandparents owned a beautiful greystone 2 blocks from the lake (Lake Michigan). It was my second home and the only place I ever felt loved. The couple who lived next door to my Grandparents HATED my family. My Grandparents had 12 children, the oldest being my mother and the youngest being an uncle 1 year older than me. That uncle and my other uncle who was 3 years older than I (my beloved Chris) were constantly terrorizing the neighborhood with their boyish antics. This neighbors had several verbal spats with my Grandparents.
My Grandmother found these people to be boorish and petty. As my grandmother was a very active member of the community she worked quite a bit with the police department. Everyone knew her (and no, not from her children's activities). One summer evening my Grandmother decided to get some air. She sat on the front porch drinking some god awful orange kool aid like stuff. A police car drove by. She knew the officers. The officers also knew of the horrible neighbor with the blood feud (this guy would hold his dog over the chain link fence while it crapped so it would crap into my Grandparents back yard. The guy was a bit tapped). The police shined their bright light on the neighbor who was also sitting on his porch, then quickly got out of the squad car, walked up my Grandmothers steps, put her in cuffs, put her in the back seat and drove off. The neighbor was in shock. The great thing about this was they drove and dropped her off in the back of the house. This would happen every week or so. What a laugh! Only my feisty Grandmother could pull something like this off. My Grandmother is my hero. Not just for this but for all that she has done in my life.
My 2nd Period Class was just given 5 new students in the last 2 days bringing my total number of students in that class to 52. It is a Consumer Ed class and let me tell you, it is next to impossible to teach 52 Alternative Ed Students at the same time.This morning a boy was in the Computer lab during my 1st period Computer class. I asked him to leave. 10 minutes later he was still there I asked him to leave again and he became volitale. I wrote him up and then had to see him the next period. Again he began to become riled up. I have security in my class this period because of the size, 52. When security tried to take him out he took a swing at the security guard. This turned into security, a male teacher and the lunch lady trying to restrain the boy. Mean while all of the students have poured into the hallway and want to jump on the teacher and security so we are trying to pull students off the faculty and not get hit in the process.I told them repeatedly there are too many students in this class. I was informed yesterday that they would not take anymore out of the class. I am stuck with 52 until June. I'm just awed I didn't get punched in the process. Here I am, all 5'3 of me pulling these 6 foot kids off of a fellow teacher. Even though the male teacher was on the ground with the kid, security and the other students, he's alright. Poor guy.Well, I guess it's back to attempting to grade papers, ha.My rant is over.And by the way, my favorite nephew has turned 18 today! I could weep when I think of him growing up. He has turned into such a cool dude. Of course having a Goddess for a Mother and Aunt doesn't hurt. Big Props to this awesome Dude!
I called my Grandmother about an hour ago to see how she was doing. It's been awhile since I've spoken to her. Probably since I first started teaching in September. She told me something that completely shocked me. My cousin Tyler, who is 6 months older than my son, HAS CANCER! The doctors found a tumor on his thyroid so they decided to take both out to be on the safe side. When they took out the one without the tumor they found cancer. His mother, my aunt who is the same age as my husband, had a complete liver transplant a year and a half ago due to Hepatitis C. Now her only child has cancer. I guess they tested to see if they got all of the cancer and we will know something in the next few days. How insane!
I have this amazing student who just transfered in this semester. She only needs 2 classes, both mine, to graduate. This remarkable young woman gives you hope for the inner city and with the youth of today. She is like a ray of sunshine to walk into the class every morning. She is a single mother of 2, works full time at a hospital, has her own rock band (in a school where 99% is all Rap, it is a breath of fresh air), and pretty damned smart to boot.
Last week she told me that doctors discovered a tumor on her brain. She told me on Friday that she would be getting results this Saturday. What I was faced with this morning that this wonderful girl was dying. There is a surgery that could maybe save her but the likelihood of survival was only 25%. If she does not do the surgery she has at the most, 2 years to live. It took all I had to not cry today. Such a wonderful girl who has so much potential will not be here to see her own daughters graduate high school or even grade school.
There is so much ugliness in the world. Often I go to work dreading it until I find a student like this who makes you happy you showed up. When I told her it was breaking my heart she told me not to be sad, it was difficult for her to be around sad people. She wanted to go on with the life she has left. By 3rd period I was bawling like a baby.
When faced with something like this it really makes my problems seem so insignificant.
Monday-Was in a hit and run. There I was minding my own business and this stupid woman hits me while I am at a complete stop for the traffic facilitators. She was going at least 35.
Tuesday & Wednesday-Cannot move my neck. Find out the stupid woman does not have insurance and I only have liability as the car is old and I am an under paid teacher at a charter school.
Thursday & Friday-Horrible days with students. This new kid kept throwing up gang signs and one of my brighter ones would not wake up during 7th.
Friday night-Start feeling really ill.
Saturday-Felt like a truck ran me over. Went to doctors for results but she has to do the test over because she didn't get a good sample.Still had to write lesson plans for next week.
Sunday-6 loads of laundry and feeling like complete crap.
Today-Day off of school. Could do nothing but sleep. Papers still in a pile ungraded.
I feel like crap, need at least 2 more days of bed rest but cannot take days off of work. The National Accreditation walk through is this week and a day off means a day that my fellow teachers loose their preps and deal with my classes. I could just scream! If I were in a real school I would be able to have a day off and know that a Sub would come in.
Just a cranky week and day
Yesterday I cleaned out our storage unit to find things for the rummage sale at the boys school. What I also found was Chris' old answering machine. That was one of the things I got after he died. I packed it away without listening to it. I couldn't, the pain was still too fresh. I brought it upstairs with me yesterday and played his incoming messages. On one side were the last messages he received. It was so sad to hear his last message, the one from my Grandmother. There were only a few messages, one from my younger cousin inviting him to my aunts birthday party and a few from his friend in Wisconsin. The one person who loved him most of all was the last person to leave a message for him. I turned the tape over to see if their was anything else. While listening I realized what the other side was. He had saved all of the messages from his wife. There were many messages of love from both she and he to each other. There was one message from my uncle Charley and a shock voice, mine! He had saved a few voices on the back of the tape, during his happy time with his wife, and I was one of them. It was the only time I have ever heard my recorded voice and didn't hate it. Maybe because there was emotion in my voice. Maybe because it was for Chris. I do not know. Hearing his voice made me remember him all the more. I always think of Chris but hearing his voice made the memories all the more vivid. The tears did not flow yesterday while I sat there listening to a peice of his life. Now they do. I miss him so very much. It never gets easier. Time does not heal this wound. I wish we could have given him more to live for.
