I quit smoking on May 11th of 2011. It was a difficult thing to do but it was time. I had been smoking since the age of 14. That was 27 years of smoking under my belt. It was time to quit. I used Nicorette lozenges for 9 weeks and was done. Since going off of the lozenges over two months ago, I have not been able to stop eating. Even when I am so full that I am sick I still feel this emptiness inside. Nothing seems to fill it.
This past week has been extremely difficult and trying. All I think about all day and night long is the pure joy of a cigarette. I really don't want to go back to smoking but the only fulfillment I can have is with a cigarette. Yesterday I decided to use lozenges for awhile until this stress goes away. I have to say, the second that nicotine hit my system, life seemed worth living again, for awhile. I know it is weak but I'd rather do this than pick up a cigarette. It took all I had to break the psychological oral fixation of smoking. I do not want to go back. But this demon nicotine is the one thing that keeps me from going over the edge.
30 September 2011
28 September 2011
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 3-Medicaid, Medicare, Disability, and Unemployment for the under 50 crowd
I have had one of the worst days in quite sometime. I was informed early this afternoon that because our son turned 18 we were no longer eligible for Medicaid. My son will have Medicaid until his 19th birthday but my husband and I are SOL. Here are the life events that happened last year:
June 2010-Laid off as a Teacher
July-November 2010-Paying full price for medications. Husbands pain meds for diabetic neropathy was at $200 a month for the one med.
October 2010-Husband suffers a Bell's Palsy episode. Taken to County (No CAT-Scan was done)
October-November 2010-Pay full office visit price for eye specialist (4 times)
November 2010 (Sunday after Thanksgiving)-Husband has a stroke
November 2010-December 2010(2 Days before Christmas)-Husband hospitalized. Loses mobility and function on entire left side.
January 2011-(2 weeks after release and stayed for a week)-Husband re-admitted to hospital because of blood clots in leg. Put on blood thinners for the rest of his life.
Flash forward to today. My husband was approved for Disability at age 49. He is still slowly recovering. He needs physical and occupational therapy twice a week and to visit the coumidin clinic for his blood thinner levels once a month. Not to mention the 16 medications he is on.
Social Security told me he is not eligible for Medicare until 24 months after he was approved for Disability. That means we have to wait until November 29th of 2012 before he can have medical benefits. EVERYTHING will be out of pocket.
How can they honestly think that Disability and Unemployment make for rolling in the cash? They do not take into consideration that rent takes almost half of all of the money that comes into the house. We have NOTHING and yet they don't even want my husband to have a chance to live? We cannot afford 16 medications. Some of them will be covered under the Walgreen or Walmart plans of $4 meds but there are so many he will no longer be able to take because of what?
I have been loosing it after every call. My eyes are so big and puffy. I have no idea what we are going to do. We have no one to help. I have never felt so alone in my life.
June 2010-Laid off as a Teacher
July-November 2010-Paying full price for medications. Husbands pain meds for diabetic neropathy was at $200 a month for the one med.
October 2010-Husband suffers a Bell's Palsy episode. Taken to County (No CAT-Scan was done)
October-November 2010-Pay full office visit price for eye specialist (4 times)
November 2010 (Sunday after Thanksgiving)-Husband has a stroke
November 2010-December 2010(2 Days before Christmas)-Husband hospitalized. Loses mobility and function on entire left side.
January 2011-(2 weeks after release and stayed for a week)-Husband re-admitted to hospital because of blood clots in leg. Put on blood thinners for the rest of his life.
Flash forward to today. My husband was approved for Disability at age 49. He is still slowly recovering. He needs physical and occupational therapy twice a week and to visit the coumidin clinic for his blood thinner levels once a month. Not to mention the 16 medications he is on.
Social Security told me he is not eligible for Medicare until 24 months after he was approved for Disability. That means we have to wait until November 29th of 2012 before he can have medical benefits. EVERYTHING will be out of pocket.
How can they honestly think that Disability and Unemployment make for rolling in the cash? They do not take into consideration that rent takes almost half of all of the money that comes into the house. We have NOTHING and yet they don't even want my husband to have a chance to live? We cannot afford 16 medications. Some of them will be covered under the Walgreen or Walmart plans of $4 meds but there are so many he will no longer be able to take because of what?
I have been loosing it after every call. My eyes are so big and puffy. I have no idea what we are going to do. We have no one to help. I have never felt so alone in my life.
24 September 2011
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 2-The Debt Collectors
I really miss the comedian Bill Hicks. He would have had a political field day during last decade. I thought of his bit he does about people in advertising (I will put the link at the end of this post) and often feel that way about people in debt collections.
I don't know what personal experiences are out there. I have only my own which are true horror show. It is disgusting how you are treated by these people. I understand people have a job to do but you cannot squeeze blood from a turnip. When the calls first began I answered them. I was not trying to get out of my responsibilities, I was simply living on unemployment for a family of 3. Silly me, I thought I could explain to them how we had no money and how I'd paid my student loans religiously for 6 years and had every intention of paying them once I had a job again. Instead of working with me they still demanded the monthly minimum and said the most insulting things:
"Don't you have someone you can borrow the money from?"
(After explaining that my husband had just had a stroke and I can't even pay utilities. I have to pick which utility I can pay on any given month)
"Your student loan is just as important and your utilities."
(Is it really? Will my student loan keep the lights on?)
"This will lower your credit score."
(Really? I had no idea being in object poverty would do that to you)
I have stopped answering the phone. Each debtor calls an average of 5-6 times a day. My phone rings all of the time. Every time I hear it I cringe. It is beyond misery or depression. I am sure the majority of people who are the debt collectors list are like I am. They want to pay for what they owe but do not have the jobs to afford to. It makes life so much more humiliating and depressing when you know the phone ringing is yet another person demanding what you do not have. It is humiliating for my son to hear what a failure his mother is with every ring of the phone.
Biil Hicks-Marketing
Most Americans are but a few paychecks away from where I am. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.
I don't know what personal experiences are out there. I have only my own which are true horror show. It is disgusting how you are treated by these people. I understand people have a job to do but you cannot squeeze blood from a turnip. When the calls first began I answered them. I was not trying to get out of my responsibilities, I was simply living on unemployment for a family of 3. Silly me, I thought I could explain to them how we had no money and how I'd paid my student loans religiously for 6 years and had every intention of paying them once I had a job again. Instead of working with me they still demanded the monthly minimum and said the most insulting things:
"Don't you have someone you can borrow the money from?"
(After explaining that my husband had just had a stroke and I can't even pay utilities. I have to pick which utility I can pay on any given month)
"Your student loan is just as important and your utilities."
(Is it really? Will my student loan keep the lights on?)
"This will lower your credit score."
(Really? I had no idea being in object poverty would do that to you)
I have stopped answering the phone. Each debtor calls an average of 5-6 times a day. My phone rings all of the time. Every time I hear it I cringe. It is beyond misery or depression. I am sure the majority of people who are the debt collectors list are like I am. They want to pay for what they owe but do not have the jobs to afford to. It makes life so much more humiliating and depressing when you know the phone ringing is yet another person demanding what you do not have. It is humiliating for my son to hear what a failure his mother is with every ring of the phone.
Biil Hicks-Marketing
Most Americans are but a few paychecks away from where I am. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.
Complaints spike over debt collectors - Chicago Sun-Times
Complaints spike over debt collectors - Chicago Sun-Times
I have thought this for years. There is nothing more frustrating than being out with a friend and the little chirp goes off. Immediately they check their text and respond. This happens throughout the visit. Nothing can make you feel less important than someones cell phone. I hate my cell phone and only use it when needed and out. I text maybe 5 messages a months as opposed to the average in my age bracket, 30-50 messages a month. PC's are so much different because it is an activity you do alone for the most part. You do not invite your friends over and sit at your PC answering e-mails.
I have thought this for years. There is nothing more frustrating than being out with a friend and the little chirp goes off. Immediately they check their text and respond. This happens throughout the visit. Nothing can make you feel less important than someones cell phone. I hate my cell phone and only use it when needed and out. I text maybe 5 messages a months as opposed to the average in my age bracket, 30-50 messages a month. PC's are so much different because it is an activity you do alone for the most part. You do not invite your friends over and sit at your PC answering e-mails.
22 September 2011
Civility in American Society
In the mornings, while I am still unemployed, I drive my son to University. It is one of the very small things that I can do. This child has had to go from lower middle class to object poverty at a crucial time in his life. We were never at a financial point where we could take vacations but all of the bills were paid. He takes it all with good humor and grace. It doesn't bother him that I purchase all of his clothing at the thrift shops or food from food pantries. So the very least I can do is give him a ride to University.
This morning I drove my son to University. In front of the building I drop him off at is handicap parking. The entire length of the building is handicap parking, as it should be. This morning when I arrived, the entire handicap parking area what vacant. I pulled into an area in between two handicap spots to allow for cars to park in the handicap spots. The area in between the parking spots are as big as a parking spot itself. While dropping my son off I was finishing the update on his father's medical condition and medications. This type of talk can be so very depressing.
As we were just about ready to say our good-byes, a car pulled up beside us and honked. The woman in the car had her window down and I rolled mine down. Perhaps she needed to know how to get to an area on campus. Or was lost. Having spent 11 years working at this campus as well as being an alumni I would be in a position to help with locations. As I rolled the window down she began to yell. Below is the "conversation"
Woman: "This is a handicap parking area"
Me: "I am not parking here. I am just dropping off my son"
Woman: "This is a handicap parking area" (Her voice is raising and she is yelling and becoming confrontational. I am the type of person who does not like yelling or confrontation. I prefer for things to be handled calmly.)
Me: "I understand that. I am just dropping off my son and I am leaving" (Remember, the entire handicap parking area is vacant around the entire front of the building. Having a husband who is disabled, I would never deprive a disabled person from a spot and would be irritated if someone parked in the only remaining spot reserved for someone who needed it. But the parking lot was vacant, spots galore.
Woman: "You can't park here. This is for disabled people. Don't you know about disabled parking?"
Me: "My husband is disabled ma'am. I know about disabled people. I am just dropping my son of and then I am leaving". My husband refused to get the disabled license, plates, or sticker. He said that as long as he could walk with his cane, there were people who needed those spots more than him. That is the mindset of our home. I would never put any type of hardship on a disabled person. I know that living with the disability is difficult enough.
Woman: (screaming with a little spittle coming out of her mouth) "YOU CAN'T PARK HERE"
Me: "Why are you speaking to me this way?"
Woman: "Because I am irritated!!!"
Me: "I am done speaking to you" At this point I rolled up my window. She continued to shout as the window went up. I was gobsmacked.
I did not know how to comprehend what had taken place. I was in an entirely vacant parking area and yet I was yelled at. I am a very compassionate and caring person. I have given my seat up on the bus for the elderly, male or female, while others sat and did nothing. I hold doors, speak respectfully to all. Especially to children. The main reason being, children learn by example. I have had excellent results in the classroom and out in public, just by speaking nicely and respectfully to all. Even during this exchange, my voice never raised, as hers not only raised but became vicious and abusive. I maintained a calm response to her ranting.
As I left, I wondered what type of morning this woman had. She must have had a horrible morning and was itching for a fight. I am never the person to engage in a quarrel because I handle it calmly. That can cause people to get so angry, calm people. What a sad life if you feel the need to engage a stranger in a yelling match. My life is pretty sad but I would never take it out on someone else. It isn't a civilized behavior. Civility is what is needed in times like these, and often lacking.
The only conclusion I have to this situation and others like this is, you never know what is happening in the lives of others. Hurting others because you are hurt, irritating others because you are irritated is mean, selfish and childish and has no place in society.
This morning I drove my son to University. In front of the building I drop him off at is handicap parking. The entire length of the building is handicap parking, as it should be. This morning when I arrived, the entire handicap parking area what vacant. I pulled into an area in between two handicap spots to allow for cars to park in the handicap spots. The area in between the parking spots are as big as a parking spot itself. While dropping my son off I was finishing the update on his father's medical condition and medications. This type of talk can be so very depressing.
As we were just about ready to say our good-byes, a car pulled up beside us and honked. The woman in the car had her window down and I rolled mine down. Perhaps she needed to know how to get to an area on campus. Or was lost. Having spent 11 years working at this campus as well as being an alumni I would be in a position to help with locations. As I rolled the window down she began to yell. Below is the "conversation"
Woman: "This is a handicap parking area"
Me: "I am not parking here. I am just dropping off my son"
Woman: "This is a handicap parking area" (Her voice is raising and she is yelling and becoming confrontational. I am the type of person who does not like yelling or confrontation. I prefer for things to be handled calmly.)
Me: "I understand that. I am just dropping off my son and I am leaving" (Remember, the entire handicap parking area is vacant around the entire front of the building. Having a husband who is disabled, I would never deprive a disabled person from a spot and would be irritated if someone parked in the only remaining spot reserved for someone who needed it. But the parking lot was vacant, spots galore.
Woman: "You can't park here. This is for disabled people. Don't you know about disabled parking?"
Me: "My husband is disabled ma'am. I know about disabled people. I am just dropping my son of and then I am leaving". My husband refused to get the disabled license, plates, or sticker. He said that as long as he could walk with his cane, there were people who needed those spots more than him. That is the mindset of our home. I would never put any type of hardship on a disabled person. I know that living with the disability is difficult enough.
Woman: (screaming with a little spittle coming out of her mouth) "YOU CAN'T PARK HERE"
Me: "Why are you speaking to me this way?"
Woman: "Because I am irritated!!!"
Me: "I am done speaking to you" At this point I rolled up my window. She continued to shout as the window went up. I was gobsmacked.
I did not know how to comprehend what had taken place. I was in an entirely vacant parking area and yet I was yelled at. I am a very compassionate and caring person. I have given my seat up on the bus for the elderly, male or female, while others sat and did nothing. I hold doors, speak respectfully to all. Especially to children. The main reason being, children learn by example. I have had excellent results in the classroom and out in public, just by speaking nicely and respectfully to all. Even during this exchange, my voice never raised, as hers not only raised but became vicious and abusive. I maintained a calm response to her ranting.
As I left, I wondered what type of morning this woman had. She must have had a horrible morning and was itching for a fight. I am never the person to engage in a quarrel because I handle it calmly. That can cause people to get so angry, calm people. What a sad life if you feel the need to engage a stranger in a yelling match. My life is pretty sad but I would never take it out on someone else. It isn't a civilized behavior. Civility is what is needed in times like these, and often lacking.
The only conclusion I have to this situation and others like this is, you never know what is happening in the lives of others. Hurting others because you are hurt, irritating others because you are irritated is mean, selfish and childish and has no place in society.
17 September 2011
The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 1
I sat staring at my shoes yesterday when my husband and I were on the way home from Osco Pharmacy. We had just purchased the one medication not covered under medicaid (yet the only neuropathy medication that relieves the pain for my husband). The cost was $172.99. This is the second month in a row we have had to pay that amount for medication. Feeling not so great I stared at my shoes and laughed to myself.
The shoes wore are the ones I wear everyday, my New Balance. I love these shoes and need to wear sneakers with as much running around as I do. This particular pair saw it's day about a year ago. Both shoes on the left sides have holes in them. The holes are so large you can see my socks. I know it is going to be horrible in the winter. Now most people would tell you, just buy a new pair of shoes. That's the part that makes me laugh. The people I know would have no concept of what true poverty means. The shoes are a symbol of my life. Sure there can be a quick fix, like maybe a new pair of sneakers, or my mother paying my electric bill that was past due for 6 months, but those are no real solution. There will still be another bill or prescription that does not have the funds to pay it.
When I didn't have money in the past to pay for something I would wait to the following pay period to purchase it. There is no following pay period now. This is it. I do not think people get it. It is not just tightening the belt a little. Maybe skipping going out to the movies or dinner. It is the harsh reality that you do not have enough money after paying for needed medication to buy something at the store for meals for the week. Or be able to pay for transportation for your husband for the week to get to Doctor's appointments. And it won't be all better after payday, or you can take it out of savings or put it on the card. Those options have long since past.
15 September 2011
On this day 21 years ago...
On this day, 21 years ago, I was sitting in the basement of my then fiances' parents house drinking a shot of tequila my ex's father poured for us, complete with worm. It was to celebrate his 21st Birthday. It was horrible and the taste stayed in my mouth for hours afterward.
On this day, 21 years ago, I gave the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with a gold pocket watch (which he had wanted for years, a box of cigarillos and a bottle of tequila.
On this day, 21 years ago,my future was all laid out and planned. I was a year away from marriage (or so I thought) and the life of a wife of a Lutheran Minister or a Chicago Police Officer. Which ever career he chose.
On this day, 21 years ago, I had hopes, dreams and goals for a happy life. How did so many years pass?
Happy Birthday A.K.. I hope the life you chose still makes you happy.
On this day, 21 years ago, I gave the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with a gold pocket watch (which he had wanted for years, a box of cigarillos and a bottle of tequila.
On this day, 21 years ago,my future was all laid out and planned. I was a year away from marriage (or so I thought) and the life of a wife of a Lutheran Minister or a Chicago Police Officer. Which ever career he chose.
On this day, 21 years ago, I had hopes, dreams and goals for a happy life. How did so many years pass?
Happy Birthday A.K.. I hope the life you chose still makes you happy.
11 September 2011
Detour from Raw Foods
I must say, though I was enjoying my journey with raw foods and will pick it back up. I first had to exercise a demon that has plagued me for 27 years, I quit smoking. It was quite difficult and I will be a smoker for the rest of my life, I will just be a smoker who chooses not to smoke.
Today makes 4 months since my last cigarette. I do so miss them. I know I can do without them but I loved them so.
Now I can begin to focus on raw foods and health. My husband has been improving everyday from his stoke. It has really boosted his confidence.
The boy graduated from high school in June and began university in August. He is just getting the hang of university classes.
So much has happened in such a short time. It is amazing how much there is to say when you have not had a pc for 5 months. I have been using the ipod my husband was given for christmas by his brother and sister as my internet connection. My pc contracted a horrible virus and is unusable. All of my files and life are on the pc sitting at my feel. I have not felt like using this new/old pc of my husbands because my files are not on it and there are no programs of use. I do not even have Word on this thing.
I do hope to begin raw foods again. With me still looking for a job and my husband still recovering from the stroke, it has been difficult to even get to food pantries much less the grocery store for fresh veggies.
Today makes 4 months since my last cigarette. I do so miss them. I know I can do without them but I loved them so.
Now I can begin to focus on raw foods and health. My husband has been improving everyday from his stoke. It has really boosted his confidence.
The boy graduated from high school in June and began university in August. He is just getting the hang of university classes.
So much has happened in such a short time. It is amazing how much there is to say when you have not had a pc for 5 months. I have been using the ipod my husband was given for christmas by his brother and sister as my internet connection. My pc contracted a horrible virus and is unusable. All of my files and life are on the pc sitting at my feel. I have not felt like using this new/old pc of my husbands because my files are not on it and there are no programs of use. I do not even have Word on this thing.
I do hope to begin raw foods again. With me still looking for a job and my husband still recovering from the stroke, it has been difficult to even get to food pantries much less the grocery store for fresh veggies.
03 April 2011
The Journey of Raw Foods-Day 5
It has now been over 48 hours with no coffee. There is no withdrawal or cravings for it. My mind is completely blown. I still can't get over the fact that coffee is not a part of my daily life's blood.
My husband is not doing the juice fast or raw diet, which is fine. I went to my local Starbucks this morning to get my husband his coffee and ran into my usual barista. I have been talking to her about the raw foods journey I am on. When she saw me this morning she waived her arms in the air and exclaimed, "I'm doing it! After work today I am going to get a juicer and start a raw foods diet." She was so excited about trying a raw foods path. She said towards the end of our conversation, "I hope you don't mind, but I am following in your footsteps."
I thought about this on the way home and it made me think of who is my inspiration for this journey, my younger cousin Betty. She has been vegan for years. She is an amazing young woman who is filled with passion for healthy living, strong, and a self-assured force of nature. She has always been this way, even when she was a small child. Here's to you, my inspiration, Betty.
My husband is not doing the juice fast or raw diet, which is fine. I went to my local Starbucks this morning to get my husband his coffee and ran into my usual barista. I have been talking to her about the raw foods journey I am on. When she saw me this morning she waived her arms in the air and exclaimed, "I'm doing it! After work today I am going to get a juicer and start a raw foods diet." She was so excited about trying a raw foods path. She said towards the end of our conversation, "I hope you don't mind, but I am following in your footsteps."
I thought about this on the way home and it made me think of who is my inspiration for this journey, my younger cousin Betty. She has been vegan for years. She is an amazing young woman who is filled with passion for healthy living, strong, and a self-assured force of nature. She has always been this way, even when she was a small child. Here's to you, my inspiration, Betty.
01 April 2011
The Journey of Raw Foods-Day 3
As I begin day 3 of a raw foods lifestyle I find it is not as horrible as I thought it would be. I was always a total food craver. For the past two days I have been on a juice fast and though I have smelled some awesome foods, I think back to one of the video blogs I watched about smells. A woman RawDownUnder posted on her blog about the smells of food. How the smells are better than actually eating the food. It was funny, last night my husband wanted a frozen pizza for dinner. I cooked it and it smelled and looked incredible. I inhaled the smell and it was wonderful. My stomach gurgled a little. But I was so good. I did not have even a taste. What I found myself wanting was to eat a banana. I know I have several more days on the juice fast so I stayed steady and had a glass of the fresh juice I made.
I still think of bad food occasionally. Yesterday evening I had to pick up prescriptions for my husband at the grocery store. It was amazing walking through a grocery store and only buying grapes and kiwi. I did not look at all of my previous trappings. I stayed focused and it felt great.
I have begun a picture a day to see the difference in me over the days. I want this to be a lifelong journey to healthy living. Once food is no longer a focal point in my life I can focus on everything else.
As I enter day 3 I am focused, goal driven and happy. I cannot wait for the toxins in my body to begin to leave. I drink a lot more water than I ever did. Before I relied on the water in my coffee to do the work of hydration. Fruits are wonderful. I cannot wait to be able to have smoothies. That is still five days away. I will get the greens in and my body will begin to heal from all of the years of damage I have done to it.
I still think of bad food occasionally. Yesterday evening I had to pick up prescriptions for my husband at the grocery store. It was amazing walking through a grocery store and only buying grapes and kiwi. I did not look at all of my previous trappings. I stayed focused and it felt great.
I have begun a picture a day to see the difference in me over the days. I want this to be a lifelong journey to healthy living. Once food is no longer a focal point in my life I can focus on everything else.
As I enter day 3 I am focused, goal driven and happy. I cannot wait for the toxins in my body to begin to leave. I drink a lot more water than I ever did. Before I relied on the water in my coffee to do the work of hydration. Fruits are wonderful. I cannot wait to be able to have smoothies. That is still five days away. I will get the greens in and my body will begin to heal from all of the years of damage I have done to it.
30 March 2011
The Journey of Raw Foods-Day 1
I have been contemplating a Raw Foods diet for sometime now. I have lived a very unhealthy lifestyle for the past 10 years or so. There are many contributors to this destructive path, the main being my state of mind and what I will accept. For the past week I have been researching a raw foods diet and the benefits. Mainly because, I am tired of feeling unhealthy. I would not say that I am sick. There are no sniffles or colds, but I feel very unhealthy.
I feel now that I am ready for this change in lifestyle. Before all I would fantasize about is the foods I would be missing. I do not feel that way now. I am not thinking about all that I will miss out on. What I feel is all that I have the potential to benefit from. I am excited to start this new journey.
The first step is the detox period, that will be rough. Not for wanting to eat but for all of the impurities to gradually leave my system. The biggest obstacle for me is getting the "greens" in my system. Sure, I love spinach cooked and with butter. But to get back to the basics that my body needs, that is now gone, and I'm okay with that. I have never been a real salad eater either. But after all of the research I think there is a solution, blending. I have found excellent recipes online for adding the greens to raw smoothies that will get the greens in me.
My past diet over the year has been the worst foods you can feed your body: pizza, pastas, EVERYTHING chocolate, buttered everything, breads, and TONS of starches. Anyone who knows me knows I love sugar and starch. It really takes a mindset to be able to begin this journey, but I am more than ready.
Since I am giving up dairy as well as meat, processed foods, and anything cooked, the biggest hurdle is my coffee. I know I will eventually give up coffee all together but that is one of my last hold-outs. Since I drank my coffee with 2% milk and truvia I had to change that. I have just started drinking my coffee with pure almond milk. It is a little different taste and is a little thicker than I am use to, but it is alright. It reminds me a little of drinking coffee with cream. I was never a cream drinker.
Currently the medical issues I have are below. I have read and viewed some wonderful results medically from what should be obvious to me at this stage in my life.:
1-High Blood Pressure (3 medications to control)
2-Migraine Headaches ( Once a month or so)
3-Knee Joint Pain (I have had this since my mid-20's. They really hurt when there is humidity in the air)
4-Back Pain when waking (unless I have my legs elevated)
I am sure there are more but those are the most pressing ones.
I am very fortunate my husband bought a juicer many years ago. I made a juice of Granny Smith Apples and Red and Black Seedless Grapes (all on sale at Dominicks). I know I will have to have better juices and more organic, but money is always tight.
For the first week of detox fruit juices only then after the first week I can move on to smoothies (Happy to have my old blender. It may be beat-up and old but it still works) infused with greens. It's funny, I was talking to be BF yesterday and the one thing she said she would have a problem with in going smoothie or juice was not having the different textures in her mouth when eating. For me, I will be happy to no longer have to get my nutrients by chewing. I feel that this "liquid" type diet would be easier for me to handle. If you told me that a month ago I would have thought you were mad.
Sure, I would like to loose weight, but that is not the main reason for doing this. I just want to feel healthy. It feels as if my body is a full of toxic waste. The stupid thing is, I put it there.
I am too young to be this unhealthy. I am almost 42 and feel much older. I want to be around for my sons life. I want to see him fall in love, graduate University, start a family and become the wonderful man I know he will be. How can I do that when I am on this self-destructive path? It starts now. It starts today.
I will post more in the weeks ahead to see if this path is the right one, which I feel it will be. Wish me luck
I feel now that I am ready for this change in lifestyle. Before all I would fantasize about is the foods I would be missing. I do not feel that way now. I am not thinking about all that I will miss out on. What I feel is all that I have the potential to benefit from. I am excited to start this new journey.
The first step is the detox period, that will be rough. Not for wanting to eat but for all of the impurities to gradually leave my system. The biggest obstacle for me is getting the "greens" in my system. Sure, I love spinach cooked and with butter. But to get back to the basics that my body needs, that is now gone, and I'm okay with that. I have never been a real salad eater either. But after all of the research I think there is a solution, blending. I have found excellent recipes online for adding the greens to raw smoothies that will get the greens in me.
My past diet over the year has been the worst foods you can feed your body: pizza, pastas, EVERYTHING chocolate, buttered everything, breads, and TONS of starches. Anyone who knows me knows I love sugar and starch. It really takes a mindset to be able to begin this journey, but I am more than ready.
Since I am giving up dairy as well as meat, processed foods, and anything cooked, the biggest hurdle is my coffee. I know I will eventually give up coffee all together but that is one of my last hold-outs. Since I drank my coffee with 2% milk and truvia I had to change that. I have just started drinking my coffee with pure almond milk. It is a little different taste and is a little thicker than I am use to, but it is alright. It reminds me a little of drinking coffee with cream. I was never a cream drinker.
Currently the medical issues I have are below. I have read and viewed some wonderful results medically from what should be obvious to me at this stage in my life.:
1-High Blood Pressure (3 medications to control)
2-Migraine Headaches ( Once a month or so)
3-Knee Joint Pain (I have had this since my mid-20's. They really hurt when there is humidity in the air)
4-Back Pain when waking (unless I have my legs elevated)
I am sure there are more but those are the most pressing ones.
I am very fortunate my husband bought a juicer many years ago. I made a juice of Granny Smith Apples and Red and Black Seedless Grapes (all on sale at Dominicks). I know I will have to have better juices and more organic, but money is always tight.
For the first week of detox fruit juices only then after the first week I can move on to smoothies (Happy to have my old blender. It may be beat-up and old but it still works) infused with greens. It's funny, I was talking to be BF yesterday and the one thing she said she would have a problem with in going smoothie or juice was not having the different textures in her mouth when eating. For me, I will be happy to no longer have to get my nutrients by chewing. I feel that this "liquid" type diet would be easier for me to handle. If you told me that a month ago I would have thought you were mad.
Sure, I would like to loose weight, but that is not the main reason for doing this. I just want to feel healthy. It feels as if my body is a full of toxic waste. The stupid thing is, I put it there.
I am too young to be this unhealthy. I am almost 42 and feel much older. I want to be around for my sons life. I want to see him fall in love, graduate University, start a family and become the wonderful man I know he will be. How can I do that when I am on this self-destructive path? It starts now. It starts today.
I will post more in the weeks ahead to see if this path is the right one, which I feel it will be. Wish me luck
28 March 2011
Stroke at 49 part 3
Well, it has been sometime since my last posting on my husband's stroke. We hit the four month marker of post-stroke. I wish I could say that there has been a miraculous improvement but it is all so slow moving. David has been pretty positive through all of this but the cracks are beginning to appear. It is so hard for me to imagine how it must feel being cooped up it the apartment day after day. The simplest trips to the store or for physical therapy or doctors appointments are a big production that is tiring.
To date David still has no movement in his shoulder, very limited movement in his arm and hand. He can raise his left arm to almost chest level with a great deal of effort and concentration. He can only do it for one or two repetitions. His left knee does bend but get caught in the locked position a lot. His ankle he can move with a great deal of concentration and effort. His left foot still has no feeling and both his foot and calf are constantly swelling. We have to wait until May for his third ultrasound on his leg to see if the blood thinners have broken up the clots in the four arteries that go from his foot to his abdomen.
The hardest days for travel are when we know we are going to need to be walking for distances. I have to carry down the wheelchair from our third floor apartment and carry it back up. We do not have a handicap parking sticker so I usually have to pull up to the place we are going, get the chair out of the back seat, help him get situated, then find parking. It's funny, people seem to think that there is a lot of free time when staying home and caring for your loved one, if anyone spent anytime in my shoes, they would go to bed early every night.
There is so much more I would like to be doing but it is so difficult to find the time to do it. While taking care of him I am ever still on the job hunt. Looking for work, taking care of him and our son, doing all of the household chores alone is really tiring.
To date David still has no movement in his shoulder, very limited movement in his arm and hand. He can raise his left arm to almost chest level with a great deal of effort and concentration. He can only do it for one or two repetitions. His left knee does bend but get caught in the locked position a lot. His ankle he can move with a great deal of concentration and effort. His left foot still has no feeling and both his foot and calf are constantly swelling. We have to wait until May for his third ultrasound on his leg to see if the blood thinners have broken up the clots in the four arteries that go from his foot to his abdomen.
The hardest days for travel are when we know we are going to need to be walking for distances. I have to carry down the wheelchair from our third floor apartment and carry it back up. We do not have a handicap parking sticker so I usually have to pull up to the place we are going, get the chair out of the back seat, help him get situated, then find parking. It's funny, people seem to think that there is a lot of free time when staying home and caring for your loved one, if anyone spent anytime in my shoes, they would go to bed early every night.
There is so much more I would like to be doing but it is so difficult to find the time to do it. While taking care of him I am ever still on the job hunt. Looking for work, taking care of him and our son, doing all of the household chores alone is really tiring.
19 January 2011
Decline of the American History Classroom
Subject Matters: Why students fall behind on history from CNN
Above is a link about a subject near and dear to my heart. By the time they figure out the importance of learning history and begin to value History Teachers again, I will be too old to teach. I truly miss teaching history to students. What I don't miss is spending at least half of my lesson time on disciplinary issues. I just don't understand how we went from having classrooms where the trouble makers were sent to the Principal or Disciplinarian. Those students did not return to class, a parent was called, and the student really got it from mom or dad when they got home. That was how it was when I was in school in the 80's. Teachers were allowed to teach.
What I knew in school was that my education was my responsibility. There was no free hand out of diploma's. If you didn't like your grade you worked harder to change it. There was no bullying of teachers as I see now in the classroom. I cannot tell you how many parents came into my classroom, when I was still teaching, and demanding, argued, yelled, and occasionally became verbally abusive to the point of security stepping in because their child's grades were horrible. It seems in the education field, yelling is what works. Principal's will bend over backwards, break set rules, to appease hostile parents. Why? Because they fear the call to the district office. They know they can be pulled from the school they are at. Often the Teacher is left to feel and look powerless. Students see this. Parents see this. Education is not education when these tactics are pulled, it is thuggery, bullying, and blackmail. Change the grade, break the rules, or you may not have a job to come back to. It makes me sick.
02 January 2011
Stroke at 49 part 2
This is the face of a 49 year old with a stroke. My darling husband has been through hell and back and is still fighting. Words cannot describe what it is like to have a stroke at such a young age or to care for someone who has suffered through it. It has been 35 days since my husband's stroke on the right front lobe hemisphere of his brain. He has had regained movement in his left thigh and calf. To date he is still without movement in the following areas of the left side of his body:
- Face
- Shoulder
- Upper Arm
- Lower Arm
- Wrist
- Hand
- Fingers and Thumb
- Ankle
- Foot
- All ten toes
What has been the most difficult thing is to see a once proud, do it myself kind of man reduced to requesting help to go anywhere around the house, get dressed etc.
Yesterday his left calf was really bothering him. It was more swollen than usual. His foot and ankle were more swollen as well. This morning, after having no sleep the night before, he would not wake up. I spent 2 hours until he finally woke up to take his medications. Everyday is a constant study of anything out of the ordinary or new. The possibility of a second stroke can be high.
17 December 2010
Stroke at 49 part 1
Three days after Thanksgiving my husband got out of bed and stumbled into the dining room were I was reading the morning news online. I followed him into the kitchen and asked if he was alright. He told me he was dizzy and having a difficult time standing. I brought him to the couch in the living room and had him sit down. His face was slightly drooping on the left side but he was still recovering from Bell's Palsy three weeks before so it was not unusual. I asked him to raise his arms. He could not raise his left arm nor his leg. Right away I called 911. He kept insisting that he would be fine and not to call 911.
After the paramedics carried him out one of the paramedics told me it was probably the Bell's Palsy. We arrived at the hospital three blocks from the apartment within 20 minutes of calling 911. At the hospital they did a CATscan and we were told he had had a stroke on the right side of his frontal lobe. They could not perform the angioplasty at the hospital and he would need to be transferred to another hospital across town. We waited over an hour and a half for the transport to the new hospital and another 45 minutes for the neurosurgeon to speak with me about the surgery. The angioplasty is where they went in through an artery on the right side of his groin and insert a balloon tipped catheter that traveled up to the frontal lobe of his brain to dislodge the clot. After waiting nervously for an hour and a half, the surgeon came and told me the results of the surgery. They were able to remove sixty percent of the clot. The clot had broken off into three clots. The first clot had completely blocked the main artery. That was removed. The main artery then branches out into two smaller blood vessels. The larger of the two was also completely blocked and the clot was removed. The smaller vessel was also completely blocked but they were unable to remove the clot.
The area of the brain that was affected was his balance and coordination. They were not sure what lasting affect the stroke would have until it settled. As the stroke settled there was slight hemorrhaging. The night after the surgery he was able to lift his arm, leg, and squeeze with his hand. As the stroke settled and the hemorrhaging stopped he lost all movement in his face, shoulder, arm, wrist, hand, fingers, ankle, foot and toes. It has now been just less than two weeks in rehab, still as an in-patient in the hospital, and we are worried sick. They are working like mad to get him to the point where he can climb the three flights to our apartment once he is released on the 29th of December.
My husband has always been a relatively healthy person. He eats right for the most part and yet this stroke hit out of the blue. I have no idea what the next few weeks will bring. What I do know is that there is no Christmas at my house this year. Our son put the tree up himself and decorated it. He has been doing all of the laundry, dishes, taking care of the cats and really stepping up. It breaks my heart that I cannot give him a Christmas. I have not had the time to shop. Nor the money. My days are spent taking him to school at 6:30 am and spending the day at the hospital. I return for enough time to eat, talk to the boy for an hour or so and get up to do it all over again. I have to say, on a scale of 1 to 10 of suckiness, this is the worst Christmas I have ever had. And those include my first 15 years of life when I was not allowed to celebrate holidays.
I think the saddest thing is, no one has come to the hospital to see him. My aunt who is recovering from cancer wanted to come but I cannot let her take the risk of the Chicago winter after she has just finished with radiation and chemotherapy. Her immune system is not strong enough. One of my uncles said he was going to stop by but he has been sick. The only person who has really been here for me has been my BFF. She is more of a sister to me. She has been wonderful! She is even making Christmas Eve dinner and bringing it to the hospital so we can do what we always do for Christmas Eve, spend it together. I really don't know what I would have done without her help these past few weeks.
After the paramedics carried him out one of the paramedics told me it was probably the Bell's Palsy. We arrived at the hospital three blocks from the apartment within 20 minutes of calling 911. At the hospital they did a CATscan and we were told he had had a stroke on the right side of his frontal lobe. They could not perform the angioplasty at the hospital and he would need to be transferred to another hospital across town. We waited over an hour and a half for the transport to the new hospital and another 45 minutes for the neurosurgeon to speak with me about the surgery. The angioplasty is where they went in through an artery on the right side of his groin and insert a balloon tipped catheter that traveled up to the frontal lobe of his brain to dislodge the clot. After waiting nervously for an hour and a half, the surgeon came and told me the results of the surgery. They were able to remove sixty percent of the clot. The clot had broken off into three clots. The first clot had completely blocked the main artery. That was removed. The main artery then branches out into two smaller blood vessels. The larger of the two was also completely blocked and the clot was removed. The smaller vessel was also completely blocked but they were unable to remove the clot.
The area of the brain that was affected was his balance and coordination. They were not sure what lasting affect the stroke would have until it settled. As the stroke settled there was slight hemorrhaging. The night after the surgery he was able to lift his arm, leg, and squeeze with his hand. As the stroke settled and the hemorrhaging stopped he lost all movement in his face, shoulder, arm, wrist, hand, fingers, ankle, foot and toes. It has now been just less than two weeks in rehab, still as an in-patient in the hospital, and we are worried sick. They are working like mad to get him to the point where he can climb the three flights to our apartment once he is released on the 29th of December.
My husband has always been a relatively healthy person. He eats right for the most part and yet this stroke hit out of the blue. I have no idea what the next few weeks will bring. What I do know is that there is no Christmas at my house this year. Our son put the tree up himself and decorated it. He has been doing all of the laundry, dishes, taking care of the cats and really stepping up. It breaks my heart that I cannot give him a Christmas. I have not had the time to shop. Nor the money. My days are spent taking him to school at 6:30 am and spending the day at the hospital. I return for enough time to eat, talk to the boy for an hour or so and get up to do it all over again. I have to say, on a scale of 1 to 10 of suckiness, this is the worst Christmas I have ever had. And those include my first 15 years of life when I was not allowed to celebrate holidays.
I think the saddest thing is, no one has come to the hospital to see him. My aunt who is recovering from cancer wanted to come but I cannot let her take the risk of the Chicago winter after she has just finished with radiation and chemotherapy. Her immune system is not strong enough. One of my uncles said he was going to stop by but he has been sick. The only person who has really been here for me has been my BFF. She is more of a sister to me. She has been wonderful! She is even making Christmas Eve dinner and bringing it to the hospital so we can do what we always do for Christmas Eve, spend it together. I really don't know what I would have done without her help these past few weeks.
26 November 2010
When is enough?
I am trying so desperately to find the spirit of the holiday season. I was to feel that there is hope or even a future for me. I checked the balance of my checking account and realized that there is enough for rent next month and that is it. My unemployment deposit doesn't come in until a week after rent is due. So between now and December 8th there is nothing. Words cannot even to begin to describe the despair in my very soul. I have never felt as much isolation and hopelessness as I do now. I really have no idea what I am going to do. I have been applying for jobs all over the city from cashier to maid. I have completely given up hope of ever using my education or certification again. I am truly at a place where I have nothing. I was always the positive one for others. Tried to let things slide off my back. A few set-backs never crushed me. But how do I not feel that way now? I was really doing good at the beginning of the year. I had some money saved for a down payment on a condo, a bank pre-approved mortgage, a small savings set aside for my sons education, student loans paid off every month for the past 6 years, and a job that I loved. I have never been well off but life was, for the first time, not a struggle.
This year has brought me a loss of my husbands job, my husband leaving me for a brief time, my sons onset of bipolar manic episodes, a loss of my job, and now total financial ruin. It is not even the type of ruin where you can find a small place and live modestly. It is complete ruin. Close to living on the streets ruin. I really don't know what to do. I have talked to my family and when I was asked by an uncle to let him know if there was anything he could do I begged him to get my husband a job at his company. My uncle is kind of high up at the company. His response was, just have him go to the website. Not, give me his resume and I'll talk to a few people. I went to the website and there is nothing my husband is qualified to do.
15 November 2010
Christmas and Father
In Chicago we have a radio station that plays nothing but Christmas songs during the holiday season. It is always my favorite time of year. This year they started playing the Christmas music on the 11th of November. I cannot tell you how much that is a big boost to my sorrow. I longed for Christmas growing up. Every Christmas commercial or the old mash-ups they did with television shows singing carols would send me to tears with an aching heart. It wasn't about presents or "getting stuff" it was about the one thing that I felt was missing, family closeness and love. I didn't celebrate my first Christmas until I was 16 years old.
The magic of childhood Christmas was not mine to have along with so many things. There are so many little things that people take for granted that mean the world to others. The two things that can really make my heart ache and bring on the tears, to this day, are Christmas movies and of all things, the movie "What a Girl Wants". I know it is a kid movie and there is a lot of silliness, but the theme of the film haunts me. The one thing this girl wants is to dance with her father, the father she has never known. When she meets her father she is an outsider in his life and not wanted by most of those around him. Of course in the end she gets what she has always dreamed of, a dance with her father. That is how I have always felt. The difference is, I am 41 and there is no dance in my future.
When I met my father for the first time 11 years ago I was happy beyond words. I was so much him. He had a family with 3 daughters. I was like a distant cousin. My father was so important to me. I knew that I could never have childhood memories with him, bedtime stories, Christmas mornings, and feeling protected by Daddy. Nor could I have the adult milestone moments with him, the birth of my son or having my father give me away at my wedding, those were already completed before we met. But the two things I longed for I was to be denied. At his youngest daughters wedding I physically had to leave the "hall" as he had the father daughter dance. My heart hurt so badly. It was the only dance my father and I never offered one.
The second thing was my graduating University. I worked so hard to finish my education degree. I called and spoke with my step-mother and told her how important it was for me to have my father there. She told me he could not travel that distance with his back. I said I understood, but then they began driving to Florida in the winter which is ever farther than the trip to Chicago. My place was solidified.
It is a difficult thing to come to terms with. A battle I still fight to this day, being second place or an afterthought. I always knew I was an afterthought in my mother's life. In fact, in most peoples lives. It just hurts when it happens when you are older. You are suppose to be stronger and built up an un-scalable wall.
10 November 2010
And I have to go to food pantries?
Member of state Prisoner Review Board on sick leave for 17 months
 Roger Walker (George Thompson, Chicago Tribune / November 9, 2010) |
A former state prison director has worked just one day in the 17 months since he was appointed by Gov. Pat Quinn to a little-known but important state board that decides if inmates should be paroled, according to documents and interviews.
Roger Walker Jr. attended a half-day orientation but has been absent from every meeting of the full Illinois Prisoner Review Board except for one session about three weeks after his appointment in June 2009, records show.
He hasn't attended a single additional hearing or work session at a prison or the board offices in Springfield.
"I'm on sick leave," said Walker, who indicated he has heart, lung and stomach problems and needs the job for the health insurance. "So what's the deal? … These bills and stuff are just astronomical."
The governor's office said it was aware Walker had medical issues when he was appointed to the $85,886-a-year position, but officials did not believe his health would keep him from performing the work. State law allows the governor to remove a member of the Prisoner Review Board for neglect of duty or inability to serve, among other reasons, but Quinn has taken no action against Walker.
According to current board officials, Jorges Montes, while still chairman of the review board, told the governor's office about Walker's absences, hoping officials would find a solution to the problem. Montes declined to comment for this story.
Walker, who headed the Illinois Department of Corrections for six years before his appointment to the review board, said he had intended to fulfill his responsibilities when he took the job. But he confirmed in a telephone interview that he has been sick much of the time since his appointment and has not been able to do any work with the board. Walker said he spent several months last year at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and "almost died a few times."
The 15 members who make up the Prisoner Review Board share a range of responsibilities. They meet about once a month, sometimes twice, in either Chicago or Springfield to consider whether to release prisoners who received indeterminate sentences for violent crimes in the 1970s and earlier.
The board also meets to consider cases of people seeking clemency from the governor.
Members, working in panels of three, also travel to prisons across the state to hear parole violation cases as well as to set conditions of parole for the more than 25,000 inmates released each year. Those panels also hear disciplinary cases against inmates and decide whether to take away credits for good conduct.
The state considers it a full-time job, but board members said some weeks involve only three or four days of work — including travel time to prisons — depending on the caseload.
Still, the board's other 14 members have had to pick up the slack because of Walker's lengthy absences.
"The board needs someone who can put in the time and effort. If someone is physically unable to do the job, you have to let them go," said David Morrison, the deputy director of the Illinois Campaign for Political Reform, a not-for-profit backing government transparency. "The private sector deals with that all the time. You have to do what's for the good of the organization."
Walker's absences "undermine the board's critical work" in protecting public safety, said John Maki, coordinating director of the John Howard Association, a prison watchdog group in Chicago.
Adam Monreal, the board's chairman, said the board was trying to "figure out the best solution to the situation."
In a statement, Quinn's office said Walker's "life-threatening" health issues date to his appointment and the board has tried to find "solutions to accommodate" Walker. The governor's office said it was investigating "options to appropriately address Mr. Walker's situation while continuing to maintain the integrity of the review board's processes."
Alejandro Caffarelli, an attorney who specializes in employment law, said Walker would have little recourse if Quinn removed him from the board because as a political appointee he doesn't have the legal protections that a civil service employee would.
"There's no law that says you can't terminate someone because they don't show up for work," he said.
Current and former board members said they initially were pleased by Walker's appointment to the board, noting that his law enforcement and corrections experience would be helpful. Walker had once been sheriff of a county downstate. But his absences, they said, have shifted more work to them. They are frustrated, too, that the Quinn administration has failed to deal with the matter.
"It's not fair to be a burden on taxpayers when you're not doing anything," said one current member, who like others spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of angering the Quinn administration and losing his appointment. "We're being stretched real thin down here. I understand that he's sick, but the system tolerates it."
09 November 2010
Bell's Palsy and the Blues
Friday evening my husbands smile seemed a little slanted to the left side. It was very minor and we did not worry about it. By Saturday his whole left side was drooping. He could not blink or close his left eye too well. His speech became difficult as only half of his mouth was moving. We were very worried. He had a scheduled visit for Wednesday to see his Doctor. A wonderful man who is charging us very little until we have insurance again. I called his Doctor and told him about what was going on. The Doctor told me to get him to the hospital right away. He had me do a few tests over the phone and the Doctor felt it was Bell's Palsy but my husband still needed to see a Doctor immediately. Our Doctor told us to go to Cook County even though we live, literally 2 blocks from the hospital we see our Doctor at. He even told me if we went to the hospital by the house it could cost us thousands.
We went to Cook County Hospital where they confirmed Bell's Palsy. My poor husband who has always been the take charge man was letting me take care of him and get him to the hospital and be the take charge of the situation. The Bell's Palsy (which I will describe below) will now leave his face paralyzed for 3-6 months. Our hopes of continued job hunting are now up in smoke. My husband can barely speak. There is no way we can have him go to interviews.
Yesterday I had to take him to the eye Doctor because of the incredible pain in his eye due to the paralysis. That was $75 for the visit and the Doctor was kind enough to give us samples rather than writing a prescription. He told my husband that his Bell's Palsy was pretty severe.
No money, no means of looking for a job and now my Doctor called me and left a message on Friday saying that she has some test results from me that were very concerning. My last test were taken in June before I lost my insurance. I remember getting blood drawn and not seeing the Doctor again because I could not afford the visit. I am so beyond tired. There is just a constant barrage of insanity dumped on me. I seriously do not know how much more I can stand. I cannot call until tomorrow for my Doctor. She does not have office hours on Tuesday. Meanwhile, I am still unemployed, have no resources and a family that I have told my situation to but seem to have more pressing things to worry about. I understand my aunt who is going through cancer treatment and her family are pre-occupied. But I have 10 aunts and uncles and not one has offered to help me or check in on me. I am really on my way to an early grave.
We went to Cook County Hospital where they confirmed Bell's Palsy. My poor husband who has always been the take charge man was letting me take care of him and get him to the hospital and be the take charge of the situation. The Bell's Palsy (which I will describe below) will now leave his face paralyzed for 3-6 months. Our hopes of continued job hunting are now up in smoke. My husband can barely speak. There is no way we can have him go to interviews.
Yesterday I had to take him to the eye Doctor because of the incredible pain in his eye due to the paralysis. That was $75 for the visit and the Doctor was kind enough to give us samples rather than writing a prescription. He told my husband that his Bell's Palsy was pretty severe.
No money, no means of looking for a job and now my Doctor called me and left a message on Friday saying that she has some test results from me that were very concerning. My last test were taken in June before I lost my insurance. I remember getting blood drawn and not seeing the Doctor again because I could not afford the visit. I am so beyond tired. There is just a constant barrage of insanity dumped on me. I seriously do not know how much more I can stand. I cannot call until tomorrow for my Doctor. She does not have office hours on Tuesday. Meanwhile, I am still unemployed, have no resources and a family that I have told my situation to but seem to have more pressing things to worry about. I understand my aunt who is going through cancer treatment and her family are pre-occupied. But I have 10 aunts and uncles and not one has offered to help me or check in on me. I am really on my way to an early grave.
Bell's Palsy
Bell's palsy is a form of temporary facial paralysis resulting from damage or trauma to the facial nerves. The facial nerve-also called the 7th cranial nerve-travels through a narrow, bony canal (called the Fallopian canal) in the skull, beneath the ear, to the muscles on each side of the face. For most of its journey, the nerve is encased in this bony shell.
Each facial nerve directs the muscles on one side of the face, including those that control eye blinking and closing, and facial expressions such as smiling and frowning. Additionally, the facial nerve carries nerve impulses to the lacrimal or tear glands, the saliva glands, and the muscles of a small bone in the middle of the ear called the stapes. The facial nerve also transmits taste sensations from the tongue.
When Bell's palsy occurs, the function of the facial nerve is disrupted, causing an interruption in the messages the brain sends to the facial muscles. This interruption results in facial weakness or paralysis.
Bell's palsy is named for Sir Charles Bell, a 19th century Scottish surgeon who was the first to describe the condition. The disorder, which is not related to stroke, is the most common cause of facial paralysis. Generally, Bell's palsy affects only one of the paired facial nerves and one side of the face, however, in rare cases, it can affect both sides.
Symptoms of Bell's palsy can vary from person to person and range in severity from mild weakness to total paralysis. These symptoms may include twitching, weakness, or paralysis on one or rarely both sides of the face. Other symptoms may include drooping of the eyelid and corner of the mouth, drooling, dryness of the eye or mouth, impairment of taste, and excessive tearing in one eye. Most often these symptoms, which usually begin suddenly and reach their peak within 48 hours, lead to significant facial distortion.
Other symptoms may include pain or discomfort around the jaw and behind the ear, ringing in one or both ears, headache, loss of taste, hypersensitivity to sound on the affected side, impaired speech, dizziness, and difficulty eating or drinking.
Each facial nerve directs the muscles on one side of the face, including those that control eye blinking and closing, and facial expressions such as smiling and frowning. Additionally, the facial nerve carries nerve impulses to the lacrimal or tear glands, the saliva glands, and the muscles of a small bone in the middle of the ear called the stapes. The facial nerve also transmits taste sensations from the tongue.
When Bell's palsy occurs, the function of the facial nerve is disrupted, causing an interruption in the messages the brain sends to the facial muscles. This interruption results in facial weakness or paralysis.
Bell's palsy is named for Sir Charles Bell, a 19th century Scottish surgeon who was the first to describe the condition. The disorder, which is not related to stroke, is the most common cause of facial paralysis. Generally, Bell's palsy affects only one of the paired facial nerves and one side of the face, however, in rare cases, it can affect both sides.
Symptoms of Bell's palsy can vary from person to person and range in severity from mild weakness to total paralysis. These symptoms may include twitching, weakness, or paralysis on one or rarely both sides of the face. Other symptoms may include drooping of the eyelid and corner of the mouth, drooling, dryness of the eye or mouth, impairment of taste, and excessive tearing in one eye. Most often these symptoms, which usually begin suddenly and reach their peak within 48 hours, lead to significant facial distortion.
Other symptoms may include pain or discomfort around the jaw and behind the ear, ringing in one or both ears, headache, loss of taste, hypersensitivity to sound on the affected side, impaired speech, dizziness, and difficulty eating or drinking.
Bell's palsy occurs when the nerve that controls the facial muscles is swollen, inflamed, or compressed, resulting in facial weakness or paralysis. Exactly what causes this damage, however, is unknown.
Many scientists believe that viral infections such as the virus the causes cold sore virus -- herpes simplex -- can cause the disorder. They believe that the facial nerve swells and becomes inflamed in reaction to the infection, causing pressure within the Fallopian canal and leading to ischemia (the restriction of blood and oxygen to the nerve cells). In some mild cases (where recovery is rapid), there is damage only to the myelin sheath of the nerve. The myelin sheath is the fatty covering-which acts as an insulator-on nerve fibers in the brain.
The disorder has also been associated with influenza or a flu-like illness, headaches, chronic middle ear infection, high blood pressure, diabetes, sarcoidosis, tumors, Lyme disease, and trauma such as skull fracture or facial injury.
Many scientists believe that viral infections such as the virus the causes cold sore virus -- herpes simplex -- can cause the disorder. They believe that the facial nerve swells and becomes inflamed in reaction to the infection, causing pressure within the Fallopian canal and leading to ischemia (the restriction of blood and oxygen to the nerve cells). In some mild cases (where recovery is rapid), there is damage only to the myelin sheath of the nerve. The myelin sheath is the fatty covering-which acts as an insulator-on nerve fibers in the brain.
The disorder has also been associated with influenza or a flu-like illness, headaches, chronic middle ear infection, high blood pressure, diabetes, sarcoidosis, tumors, Lyme disease, and trauma such as skull fracture or facial injury.
The prognosis for individuals with Bell's palsy is generally very good. The extent of nerve damage determines the extent of recovery. Improvement is gradual and recovery times vary. With or without treatment, most individuals begin to get better within 2 weeks after the initial onset of symptoms and most recover completely, returning to normal function within 3 to 6 months. For some, however, the symptoms may last longer. In a few cases, the symptoms may never completely disappear. In rare cases, the disorder may recur, either on the same or the opposite side of the face.
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