Lady Wore Black

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 11-Teacher Bashing, Again

2012-02-17T20:33:00.000-06:00

An article in the Chicago Tribune ran a story about CPS teachers union asking for a 30% increase for teachers over the next 2 years for the added 90 minutes a day teachers are asked to work. I am putting up the link to the article. State High Court Sides With CPS in Dispute Over Teacher Layoffs 2012

Below are the comments from the page. What is interesting is the comment page was shut down rather quickly. The only way to access it is through the link I am posting. Other than that there is no way. The question is why? Discussion board/comment section

The most important question asked was the reason the comment section closed, in my humble opinion. It was shortly after I posted this question (highlighted in pink) that they stopped allowing comments.

* I have highlighted my comments in yellow and the contradictory ones in puke green. Maybe someone can tell me if I am crazy or are people really this insensitive and cruel.

PatCole at 1:23 PM February 17, 2012

Those teachers were wrongfully terminated. Plain and simple. I find it strange that the very same people that blast public school teachers for standing up against such treatment are the same that would lose their minds if it happened in their professions and work places.

PatCole at 1:18 PM February 17, 2012

Teachers, especially public school teachers are underpaid. Unions are a great thing ( never mind those that get corrupted like any large organization might possibly be ). Unions have actually been the most stabilizing force for employees in the 20th century until they and governmental regulatory agencies were infiltrated and undermined enmasse by right-wingers beginning in the Reagan era. Any union's power to negotiate protects employees and helps create a standard that even non-union employees can strive for.

Across the country, most people's wages (under economic adjustments) have been sliding downward since 1980 or so. People, like teachers in professions that serve the public good have been under attack and sliding further by the powerful who wish societal advantages like quality education, healthcare, vocational retooling onlly exist in their class. Public Education ( and the people that fight for it ) are one of these things these type of people feel should be under-valued by not only them, but also the very people they wish to keep under-educated, underpaid, and ill-informed.

CityChic at 12:02 PM February 17, 2012

The arrogance and ignorance of the CTU is unbelievable. 30% raise in 2 years?

Sure! They deserve it! What, with a 50% graduation rate. Congrats teachers. You're doing a bang up job.

Let's reward more FAILURE.

History Teacher Lady at 11:41 AM February 17, 2012

If you were contracted to be paid a certain dollar amount an hour and your boss told you that you would now be working an additional 1.5 hours a day without being paid for it, how would you react?

If your boss increased your workload by 50% (filling a classroom with 30+ students) permanently with no compensation, how would you react?

The massive layoff of 1,300 teachers in 2010 effected my position and that of many History Teachers. Of that percentage that found positions in CPS again, I wonder how many were History Teachers? My position was given to a teacher that was not qualified nor endorsed to teach my subject. History/Social Science is one of the first academics to be cut. Just ask your child what they did in Social Science on any given day. If you get an answer, I would be surprised.

How many of those who hate teachers so much in these comment sections have ever spent time, I mean real time, not a few minutes dropping off your kids or going for mandatory report card pickups, in the classrooms, playgrounds or lunchrooms? If you truly believe that teachers are "these lazy people who have all the time in the world", request a tag along with a teacher for a day. Not just the day that starts when the students get there but when a teacher arrived until when they leave. Teaching is a passion and gift. Why belittle those who impart knowledge to our children?

CityChic at 11:59 AM February 17, 2012

Do you honestly think a teacher deserves a 30% raise in 2 years?

Who do these people think they are?

History Teacher Lady at 12:10 PM February 17, 2012

Do you expect to be paid what your employer has contracted you for? Or do you like working for free?

History Teacher Lady at 12:12 PM February 17, 2012

Or do you like having your salary cut?

CityChic at 12:26 PM February 17, 2012

Lady - omg. Where to begin?

Please explain to me how the CTU was EVER contracted to get a 30% raise? If so, that is straight up CORRUPTION.

You people are disgusting criminals - THIEVES.

You're already overpaid for producing a crap product. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Absolutely PATHETIC.

CityChic at 12:28 PM February 17, 2012

I love how not getting a 30% raise is equal to working for FREE.

Omg, you're a teacher? No wonder the kids in CPS are morons. Look at the non-logic of the stupid teachers.

Seriously, you should find a new profession. No child deserves to be around such stupidity.

History Teacher Lady at 12:49 PM February 17, 2012

Hmmm. contracts obviously mean nothing. That is why the teachers were not given their contractual 4% raise last year.

If you'd read my post, I am no longer a teacher. I was one of the 1,300 laid off non-tenured teachers.

Again I will ask, if you had a certain dollar amount that you were paid each hour and your boss wanted you to work an extra 1.5 hours a day and not get paid for it, how would you feel?

You people? What people are you talking about? People that educate children? Or the ones who have been laid off because of budget cuts and program cuts? Maybe I was stolen from, ie, my teaching position being given to an unqualified unendorsed tenured teacher. Or the career I left to give something back to the community or the city I love. But I have not stolen anything.

When the decision to lay off my position came, my students were 10+ percentile points increase on their ISAT's while 4 percentile points is good standing for the city. I cared and gave much for my students at the expense of my own family. For you to boil students down to a product is shameful.

History Teacher Lady at 1:08 PM February 17, 2012

One of the first things I made sure was understood in the classroom, respect for one another. You don't have to like the people you are in class with but, like family, you have to respect them. Name calling is never an effective way to carry on an argument or disagreement. To effectively debate you need to understand both sides of the issue and debate/discuss. Name calling is for those that have no valid argument, so instead feel the need to intimidate.

ChicagoG2 at 11:28 AM February 17, 2012

rationalevoice.. unions treated like crap??? it's the TAXPAYERS that are being treated like crap and extorted by the unions.. they destroy EVERYTHING.. auto ind. steel ind. EDUCATION... all you union hacks bring up is what they did last century... time has moved on and feeding at the trough is finished. TEACH because you LOVE to teach; not because you can retire early with benefits.. almost EVERY teacher I know is more worried about their benefits... which shows you why the schools SUCK so bad in Chicago (also blame libtards WELFARE and lowering of expectations for that too)

ChicagoG2 at 11:22 AM February 17, 2012

The UNIONS want raises when the schools are the worst in the nation, when all of us are taking cuts, when all of us are either paying for our health and retirement or NOT having it... and these idiots want a raise. WAIT until we cut their pay, CUT welfare entitlements.. this Welfare City will look like Greece with all the TAKERS rioting... eventually we WILL have to cut entitlements to the TAKERS and they WILL fight

Conley65 at 11:21 AM February 17, 2012

The important sentence here is "many have already found...jobs within CPS."

Even though teachers' unions and Democrats whine nonstop about the layoffs of teacher, the fact is that very few are actually laid off. Is it a layoff when somebody is transferred to another job down the hall in a slightly different category? According to CPS. What about somebody who iad "laid off" for a week or a month or two and then brought back? Is that really a layoff. No, it isn't. T

Layoff numbers are fakes-these teachers, many of them seriously bad at their jobs, are not losing their jobs, they are being shifted around. This is a ploy to get more money out of the taxpayer for Chicago and the region's execrable public schools.

We need to stop acting like sheep. I would bet most of those 750 are working at CPS right now, and the others chose not to take jobs offered at CPS

Reporters need to do more than copy down what the CPS PR flacks hand out.

History Teacher Lady at 11:47 AM February 17, 2012

You are only talking about the tenured teachers. Those that were not tenured did not get shuffled to anyplace but the door.

Would love to know how many non-tenured teachers were re-employed by CPS. Why isn't that number there?

Pork Chop at 11:18 AM February 17, 2012

Chicago democrats. Unions. And the city is broke. Enough said.

ChicagoG2 at 11:23 AM February 17, 2012

Forgot to leave out the billions we spend in Chiago on WELFARE fraud... just look at the ghetto and you'll see how well the libtards system works

Gigi T at 11:15 AM February 17, 2012

30% raise over two years?

Must be smokin Hopium.

Dilbert McClinton at 11:09 AM February 17, 2012

From someone I know who's a CPS teacher, I can tell you that most of what comes out of Karen Lewis's mouth is news to all of them.

jeff191 at 11:14 AM February 17, 2012

Just not what goes into it.

jeff191 at 11:05 AM February 17, 2012

Seriously Tribune, why run the story about Karen Lewis and the CTU wanting a 30% raise without allowing comments on it? http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/education/ct-met-ctu-proposals-0217-20120217,0,6829485.story

History Teacher Lady at 11:43 AM February 17, 2012

Because they do not want the 1,300 teachers who were laid off to make any comments. Lives were destroyed that June.

JF Kennedy Democrat at 11:02 AM February 17, 2012

Let's see - Johnny can't read and now 'teach' will have to go out and get a full-time job him or herself. Tough!

jeff191 at 10:56 AM February 17, 2012

This news is going to drive Karen Lewis straight to the buffet. Someone please notify the Old Country Buffet so they can have extra shipments on hand.

ChicagoG2 at 11:24 AM February 17, 2012

are you sure Jabba the Hut eats human food????

jeff191 at 10:54 AM February 17, 2012

This is what happens when you let Mike Madigan pick the judges. Appeal to the US Supreme Court, a court that is outside the corrupting influence of Madigan.

jeff191 at 10:57 AM February 17, 2012

Errr, sorry, the Illinois Supreme Court. Except for Ed Burke's wife, who was no doubt one of the two, they're usually not in Madigan's pocket.

rationaleVoice at 10:53 AM February 17, 2012

Pretty soon....only the losers in society will become teachers. Teaching will be the go to job for people who can't do anything else.

donttreadonme66 at 10:58 AM February 17, 2012

oh I thought it already IS!!! Are these people blue collar or white collar workerslike doctors, laywers, architects....they need to decide. If they want to be in a union, then they get treated like it. If they want to be professionals, then maybe the taxpayers would hold them to a higher level.

rationaleVoice at 11:12 AM February 17, 2012

@donttreadonme66 So basically you think anyone in a Union deserves to be treated like crap? You see that is where the problem starts. You don't want to look at teachers as people, like yourself, that educate society's children. Besides, doctors, lawyers and architects work under CONTRACT the same as teachers. The difference is that teachers are often bashed for asking for their contract to be honored. Yes, tax-payer money pays for teachers. But it also pays for superintendents, librarians, janitors, etc. If I were you I would look at their salaries. As far as taxpayers holding teachers to a higher level - what level are you talking about? You get what you pay for.

donttreadonme66 at 11:23 AM February 17, 2012

@voice...yes public unions are a worthless entity in 2012!!!! All they are good for is confiscating wages to feed the union bosses who in turn give money and support to democrats who in turn agree to support wage and benefit increases for those who support them....sounds a little crooked to most taxpayers who are FINALLY waking up to this scam!!!

ChicagoG2 at 11:28 AM February 17, 2012

jake07 at 11:30 AM February 17, 2012

rational not- If they act like union thugs, as the teachers have done during many contract talks, walk out when prohibbited by law, get inflated salaries and benefits for "not teaching" then yes they are deserving of crap. There are many good teachers out there but the union and it methods are protecting the lousy ones and not protecting the students.

Second not many doctors and few lawyers or architects are "under contract" they are usually self owned businesses or independent contractors or employees. Those jobs have the ability to be eliminated without cause in most cases and certainly can be dumped for lack of performance. Get some idea of how employment works with a union verses other real workers.

CityChic at 12:11 PM February 17, 2012

rationalvoice - if these union members think they deserve a 30% raise - even if the damn graduation rate was 100% - they'd be out of their f-ing minds.

Yes - they should all be treated like crap until they realize that they're undeserving of a 30% raise. You people are sick and demented.

I'm stunned and outraged that such a pathetic group of people hold themselves up so high that they are deluded enough to believe they deserve such an exhorbitant raise.

What planet are you people on?

Like taxpayers can even afford a 3%.

I cannot wait until the day that unions are completely extinct.

Valentines Day 2012

2012-02-14T10:46:00.001-06:00

My postings have been so dark and filled with gloom lately. Life has really slapped me around lately. But for today I want to have a happy note. I am not known for my drawing abilities. My stick man looks pretty good but that is about it. This year for Valentines Day, with finances so tight, I wanted to give something to my husband that I created out of love. With many hours, a nice pre-matted frame from the Brown Elephant ($4) I gave him this:

It is no Picasso but it's pretty not bad for me.

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 9 (Part 2)-It's always heartwarming until someone doesn't have insurance

2012-02-04T12:11:00.000-06:00

I am cutting and pasting the article and comments in case the article is no longer available online. In light of yet another article leaving the front page of the paper after I posted a comment.

Enjoy!

Sen. Kirk's recovery will be uniquely personal, stroke survivors say

People who've been there talk about the long journey that lies ahead of anyone with a serious brain injury

By Katherine Skiba, Cynthia Dizikes and Lolly Bowean, Chicago Tribune reporters
January 29, 2012

For every survivor of a serious stroke, recovery takes a unique path.

Some fight through rehabilitation to return to their old jobs. Others get back to work, though to a less challenging job. For some, the journey never leads back to the workplace.

When Sen. Mark Kirk suffered a stroke last weekend, people across the country — hundreds of thousands, according to statistics — could identify with the struggles that may lie ahead of him.

Strokes come with little warning, hitting people of all ages and races, those who are fit and those who are not. While some remain relatively unaltered, others lose their ability to move and think clearly.

"It's difficult to predict," said Dr. James Sliwa, chief medical officer of the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago. "Some people get tremendous recovery back and move on. Some people have more deficits. The process of recovery and rehabilitation goes on for months."

Doctors have given Kirk, 52, a relatively encouraging prognosis, even as he has undergone multiple surgeries to minimize damage from brain swelling that followed the stroke. Doctors say they expect the senator to regain his mental faculties, but he could suffer some lasting paralysis on the left side of his body.

His recovery, they say, likely will be a long one.

The stories of some who have had strokes and other serious brain illnesses show the many paths recovery can take.

SEN. TIM JOHNSON

There's one man in the U.S. Senate who can identify directly with the challenges confronting Sen. Mark Kirk, of Illinois.

Sen. Tim Johnson, of South Dakota, was close to death after suffering a rare brain illness five years ago. He was in a coma when his 60th birthday came and went. He endured about nine months of therapy and treatment before he was able to return to the Senate.

Johnson is noticeably, and admittedly, not the man he was.

He speaks haltingly. He wears loafers because he can't tie his shoes. He asks his wife or an aide for help tying his tie — or goes without one.

He takes an anti-depressant. He drives a specially adapted SUV and uses a motorized scooter to get around Capitol Hill. He can't write with his once-dominant right hand, so he scrawls with his left.

But Johnson, 65, a Democrat, made his way back to the Senate, won a third term in 2008, and now is chairman of the Senate Banking Committee.

Left partially paralyzed on his right side, Johnson had to relearn basic activities such as talking and climbing stairs.

"I learned to walk, or limp, all over again," he said.

During Johnson's re-election campaign in 2008, his GOP challenger tried to make an issue of his refusal to take part in debates. Johnson prevailed with 62 percent of the vote.

"I appreciate the people of South Dakota being patient with me," he said in an interview last week.

He's unsure about a fourth term, however.

His advice for Kirk: Listen to your doctors and therapists, but don't believe it when they say within six months or a year, you'll be healed.

"I kept healing for years," Johnson said. "You occasionally plateau, but it's never over."

Johnson noted that "no two brain injuries are the same," and that he was encouraged by a report that Kirk had asked for his BlackBerry.

"I thought, 'Good for you.' It's cognition. He'll have the same brainpower that he always had," said Johnson, who got to know Kirk because they sit on the banking and appropriations committees.

On Thursday, Johnson and his aides delivered lunch to Kirk's staffers in Washington.

What are other senators saying?

"Everybody feels, 'Best wishes for Mark,' both Republicans and Democrats, because we all have the feeling, 'There but for the grace of God go I,'" Johnson said.

Johnson had one more bit of advice for Kirk: "Never give up."

kskiba@tribune.com

MARTA SZWAYA

Before suffering a hemorrhagic stroke that paralyzed part of the left side of her body, Marta Szwaya was a workaholic who easily put in 100 hours a week, she said.

As a vice president of showrooms and stores at furniture company Baker Knapp and Tubbs, she was boarding a plane almost every day and came to rely on sleeping on red-eye flights.

"I never had time for rest before. I worked too much. I didn't take care of myself. I knew I had high blood pressure, but I didn't have the time to be sick," she said.

Until that day in November 2009 when she collapsed in a restroom at O'Hare International Airport. At that moment, her life changed and forced her to slow down.

When Szwaya, now 57, woke from a coma at Resurrection Medical Center, she was determined to recover from her health crisis.

She slowly relearned how to walk, using a cane and practicing maneuvering her paralyzed left leg. She spent weeks using a treadmill to regain her strength.

She learned how to dress using one hand, she said, and she reorganized her wardrobe with staples that are easier to get into — such as sports bras that have no clasps or buttons.

"Recovery is all about problem-solving," she said.

Five months after she collapsed, she returned to work.

Szwaya left behind her high-profile position and settled into the new role of social media coordinator. She works from her desk in Chicago without traveling. She concentrates on using her best skill, communicating, to help her company, she said.

Still, each day is a challenge, as she gets accustomed to moving at a slower pace and tackling everyday tasks, such as doing housework.

At first it was difficult to step into her same comfy office with a different pace and mission.

"I had to reimagine who I was," she said. "It was hard for me to accept help. It was hard for me to see myself as weak. The people I work with were used to seeing me one way.

"Instead of feeling bad for myself, I just explain: 'I can't do that yet. But wait a while, I'll get there.'"

One of Szwaya's challenges on her first day back at work was opening the restroom door, she said. The door seemed so heavy that she stood there for a moment, staring at it.

She slowly walked back to her office and asked a secretary to come open it for her.

"People are so nice. People are lovely," she said. "Before you knew it, I was doing it for myself."

lbowean@tribune.com

WALTER REID

There are times when Walter Reid is speaking and his voice gets a bit raspy and his throat feels dry. Throughout the day, the left side of his face tingles and he feels stinging sensations in his right arm and leg.

But in the three years since Reid suffered a stroke at his South Side home, he has learned to walk again, learned to speak again and has returned to his job as the chief of investigations in the inspector general's office for the Illinois secretary of state. He is driving, carrying the same workload and living almost as active a life as he did before he fell sick, he said.

"I'm totally blessed," said the 59-year-old Chatham resident. "I try to eat healthy. I think positive. Every day I wake up and thank the Lord for letting me wake up. I know he's got a purpose for me."

Reid remembers vividly the January 2009 day when he suffered a stroke, he said. He was preparing to do laundry when he was struck with a debilitating headache. The room started spinning and he could hardly stand on his feet.

"I called for my wife and I said, 'Dear, I think I'm having a stroke. Call 911,'" he recalled.

When his wife and two young children visited Reid in the hospital, he resolved to work as hard as he could to recover.

"I want to be around to see them get married," he said. "At first I asked myself, 'Why me?' Then I thought, 'Why not me?' There's a reason I survived. Maybe I can inspire someone else."

Reid was hospitalized for five weeks and then started intense rehabilitation: half-day sessions three days a week with therapists. They worked on getting him walking again and had him perform exercises to restore the feeling in his paralyzed limbs.

"It was difficult to cope with because I lost my independence. I couldn't button my shirts. I could not shave myself. I felt demoralized, frustrated and angry," he said. "But my source of inspiration was my spirituality, my family and the medical professionals at the hospital" and rehabilitation center.

At home, he spent hours on his stationary bike and lifted weights. He drilled himself mentally, trying to remember who was in his graduating high school class or high school track team, he said.

It took eight months before he felt ready to return to work. Even that step was a form of therapy, he said. Since returning to his job in September 2009, Reid said, he hasn't missed a day of work because of the effects of his stroke. His recovery has been so successful that as he walks around his Willowbrook office, it would be difficult to recognize any signs of his past ailment.

"My motto is to keep moving," he said. "It means more than just physically moving. It means moving spiritually, mentally, emotionally. I do mental gymnastics to keep my mind sharp. I do a lot of walking. Every day I'm moving."

lbowean@tribune.com

FRANK WATSON

Sometimes strangers ask Frank Watson about his limp or note the stiffness of his right arm.

Watson, the former Republican leader of the Illinois Senate, often gives a vague response.

"I just say, 'It's an old injury,'" Watson said. "Because that's what it was."

In late 2008, Watson was campaigning when he began slurring his words and lost movement in his right arm and leg. Doctors later discovered that a clot had caused him to have a stroke in his brainstem.

Simple comprehension tasks suddenly were insurmountable. Watson, now 66, was unable to read a short passage of text and remember the details, and he had problems organizing colors. Due to right-side paralysis, he couldn't walk or write.

Watson, a skilled orator and legislator, said he felt uncertain and depressed.

Still, he was re-elected to the Senate the following month. Although he relinquished his leadership position, Watson returned to his job in February 2009 believing that he could regain his abilities in several months. His rehabilitation was more difficult than he anticipated, however, so he decided to devote himself completely to recovery and resigned later that month.

"I just thought I wouldn't be able to do the job justice," Watson said.

Rehabilitation became Watson's fixation. He spent hours a day strengthening his mind, trying to recall as many animals as he could think of in a zoo, as many tools as he could think of in a toolbox, working crosswords and anagrams and reading his favorite authors. He stood in front of a mirror, reciting the alphabet and rehearsing tongue-twisting phrases. He also plodded through physical exercises, turning a crank using his right arm and lying on the floor to do leg lifts.

Watson moved from a wheelchair to a walker to a cane and eventually could walk unassisted.

But he still vividly recalls the first time he encountered an escalator while shopping with his wife.

"I couldn't take the step, a simple thing like that," Watson said. "It was just my balance, the steps are moving and I'm standing still, and I just didn't have the confidence."

Regaining a belief in himself has been a crucial part of Watson's recovery. Over the years, Watson has relearned how to write and has switched from Velcro to shoelaces. Although he still hesitates on escalators, avoids carrying liquids in a glass and has muscle spasms in his right leg, Watson said he hopes he will continue to improve.

He reads avidly, uses his relaxing time to do muscle exercises and has been trying to strengthen his motor skills — even when it means putting himself in frustrating situations.

On Thursday, Watson said he and his son-in-law went golfing, a sport that Watson used to love.

"Now it's like army golf: I hit the ball, and it goes right. I hit the ball, and it goes left," Watson said. "But I'm out there enjoying life, and that is a big part of it."

EDWARD MOGUL

Edward Mogul can deconstruct biblical Hebrew and detail Plato's dialogues and the Illinois criminal code with ease.

But basic tasks, such as tying shoelaces, cutting food and driving, remain beyond his reach.

In April 2011, a blood clot lodged in the left side of Mogul's brain, paralyzing the right side of his body and weakening the robust voice he had used for decades in Chicago courts as a trial lawyer and in classrooms as a teacher.

"I didn't feel pain, but I was helpless," said Mogul, 66. "And for a man of my age, who's never been helpless before, I didn't like it."

So Mogul focused on mastering the minuscule — willing his fingers to wiggle, trying to shift his ankle. He spent hours sweating on a treadmill, wearing a harness strung from the ceiling, and pedaling a recumbent bike. After months of therapy, Mogul could walk using a cane.

He had bars installed in his bathroom at home and got used to wearing elastic shoelaces and going without a tie. He hired his father's former caregiver to give him daily help administering medicines and driving around town. And he became familiar with the CTA bus system.

His first attempt at public transportation proved particularly challenging. After he slowly walked to a bus stop one morning and struggled aboard the bus, an older woman stood up and gave Mogul her seat, which he took gratefully.

"It encapsulated how my position had changed a bit," said Mogul, chuckling.

Although doctors advised him to lighten his workload, Mogul said he still took a case fewer than two months after the stroke.

"Because my body failed me, I wanted to prove to myself, I think, that my mind was just as strong," Mogul said.

Mogul won the case, but the physical strain led him to scale back and focus on rehab. He took the summer off, dropped his teaching load to one class a semester and avoided going to court when possible.

Mogul still spends hours a week on his physical rehab and hopes to drive soon.

He said that in some ways the stroke has taught him about himself, what is important in life and what he is capable of withstanding.

Last week, Mogul stood in front of students at Wright College, steadying himself against the lectern with his left hand, and asked them to think about similar questions as they progressed through Plato's writings and their own lives.

"Does my life have any meaning?" Mogul instructed the students to ask themselves. "Does my life have a purpose? Who am I?"

kskiba@tribune.com

cdizikes@tribune.com

lbowean@tribune.com

Tonya Windham at 8:30 PM January 30, 2012 i hope this will help congress to pay more attention to stroke patients needs.
this is serious and in order to help medicare needs changes to meet needs and
have therapy that ones may need.

History Teacher Lady at 9:24 AM January 29, 2012 These are all wonderful stories on recovery for those fortunate enough to have medical coverage. When my husband had his stroke Thanksgiving weekend of 2010 he went through all of the same recoveries until April of 2011. That was when we were informed that we no longer had medicaid because our son turned 18. He was still completing senior year but because my husband had lost his job earlier that year and I was laid off with 1200 other Teachers that year we had an income, unemployment (my sole unemployment) that was too high for a family of 2. We were a family of 3. I guess my son was suppose to quit school during his senior year once he turned 18.

History Teacher Lady at 9:25 AM January 29, 2012 My husband has had to go without recovery therapies, doctors appointments, oh yeah, and is still on blood thinners for the rest of his life because of the stroke but it is not being monitored which it needs to be every month. We cannot afford the Doctors appointments. He is diabled but will not be eligible for Medicare till November of 2012, 24 months after the stroke due to his age. He was only 49 when he had his stroke. We pay out of pocket for 16 medications for him (3 of which do not offer generic. Our cost is over $600 a month). So all of these stories of wonderful recovery are made possible due to health care. My husband is disabled for life. He only recieved half of the treatment he should have because of Medicaid cutting him off. You have a one year window for gaining back the most. That window is closed and who knows when he will be able to have his blood thinners monitored again. Or when they will be able to ultrasound his leg to see if the clots that run the length of his leg have broken up due to the blood thinners. Or the cronic pain in his feet due to the neropathy will be addressed again at a Pain Clinic. All of the people in this article are fortunate beyond compare, they have the health benefits that will aid in their recovery. My poor husband has been left by the side of the road.

History Teacher Lady at 9:25 AM January 29, 2012 As for teaching, one of the first programs they cut in schools, academically, is Social Science. I still recall at our last staff meeting at my old school the principal stated, "Anyone can teach social science." So they gave my position to someone who was not quilified nor endorsed to teach it. Every job fair has one or two history positions available and over 100 candidates in line for the job.

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Chgo resident at 10:48 AM January 29, 2012 Do you live outside Illinois? I question why you cannot go to Cook County Hospital, which has in the past accepted people from other counties in Illinois and provides lots of care for illegal aliens.
Why don't you divorce him and see if he qualifies then?

History Teacher Lady at 1:02 PM January 29, 2012 Not sure what your beliefs are but why should I have to divorce a man that I have made a pledge to for better or worse, just for his medical treatment? What do you say to your child, family, community? Sorry folks, just have to lie to the government about what our relationship is to get medical treatment. That seems insane to me.
As for Cook County, have you ever been there? Do you know what the paperwork and wait can do to a disabled person? It is real easy to pass judgement or say what you would do when you are not the one who is going through it.

levelhead at 6:01 PM January 29, 2012 History Teacher Lady, you're right that all of the recovery stories here assume medical coverage, and these people are fortunate to have it. I can't imagine what it would be like to go through this in your situation. It sounds outrageous. No one should have to go through what you and your family are going through

Tonya Windham at 8:43 PM January 30, 2012 this re to the letter under this one. i understand the stuff about medicaid and medican i had the same issues. the cost i went broke over therapy and medican. i have 2 kids and i had to keep my house. i took care of him and still do. in order to get any food stamps and other help from the state i was told i was going to have to get rid of a car or truck. i already spent all the savings on him so there was not that.we was getting ssi and that was 570 a month. it was hard. so i understand. i hope now that this man has had a stroke changes will be made and looked into. good luck to them. i wish you well. it is a hard road to go down. my husband to is disabled for life. limited words and can't use his right arm hand or leg or foot. the is no therapy.

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 10-Is it just me?

2012-02-04T12:06:00.000-06:00

Time to Move on Medicaid Spending

I have to actually cut and paste the article because I am afraid it may disappear. Yet again, an article is posted TODAY, I make a comment on it and it is no longer on the front page of the Chicago Tribune. It has to make me wonder why. This is twice that I have posted a comment about the truth in medical treatment for stroke survivors in Illinois after they have lost their job and Medicaid cuts them off. The article is pulled from the front page as soon as I bring it to light. I have posted the link to the article above and will cut and paste the article below with my comment so it can be read.

Time to move on Medicaid spending

When Gov. Pat Quinn spoke Wednesday about the state of the state, he gave a brief nod to the groaning cost of Illinois' single biggest operating expense: Medicaid.

The state expects to have about $1.7 billion in unpaid Medicaid bills on hand at the end of fiscal 2012. That backlog will balloon to $21 billion in just five years if the state doesn't overhaul Medicaid spending.

That will be a diaster for the 2.7 million Illinoisans who depend on Medicaid, for taxpayers and for medical providers. More doctors are likely to stop accepting Medicaid patients because they won't get paid remotely close to on time.

Quinn's budget address is Feb. 22. That's when we should learn the details of how he proposes to curb Medicaid spending.

Here's what he needs to do:

• Speed the switch to managed care. Half of Illinois' Medicaid patients are supposed to be moved into managed care by 2015. The overarching strategy is to improve health care for Medicaid patients and save the state tens of millions of dollars. Managed care generally means patients are assigned a "medical home" — a doctor (it could be an HMO-style clinic) who oversees their care. Doctor and hospital fees are geared to delivering better health care, not just more of it.

So far, only about 40,000 patients have been switched to managed care. The state needs to dramatically pick up the pace of this vital program. The faster patients move to managed care, the better the care, and the more the state saves in cost.

• Accelerate the move of residents from obsolete and expensive institutions for the developmentally disabled to community-base care. Quinn's on the right track here with his plans to shut down two state institutions. The residents will get better care and the state will save money. But Illinois still lags far behind many other states in making this transition. Last year, Quinn proposed that several state facilities be shut. He needs to keep the state on course to reach that goal.

• End Illinois Cares Rx. That's a prescription drug program that supplements coverage for seniors. But the feds don't help pay for it. Eliminating it will save $54 million.

Illinois Department of Healthcare and Family Services director Julie Hamos is expected to deliver a wide-ranging list of Medicaid cost-cutting options to a bipartisan committee of state lawmakers later this month. The goal: Save as much as $2.7 billion in the $14 billion Medicaid budget.

"Everything has to be on the table to keep the program solvent," Illinois Sen. Heather Steans, D-Chicago, tells us.

Nothing's final yet. But we like what we're hearing.

The state could save big, for instance, by capping how much it will pay per patient for so-called "optional services." That includes dental work and prescription drugs. The idea: Patients should be allowed to choose from those services, but the state would set a cap on how much it will spend for each patient.

Another good idea: Require a co-payment from Medicaid recipients for emergency room visits that aren't emergencies. That could save millions by cutting down on expensive visits to the ER.

Providers also need to be in the savings mix. For Medicaid to thrive, hospitals need to reduce costly readmissions. Illinois has the highest rate of such readmissions in the nation, according to a 2010 study by the Center for Health Care Strategies Inc. The state should offer hospitals incentives to cut that rate, and penalize hospitals that fail.

Those are just some of the ways to save money while delivering quality care. There are many more.

Let's also remember that the state's Medicaid program will add up to 800,000 people beginning in 2014, when the federal health care overhaul kicks in. The feds will fully reimburse the state for those beneficiaries ... for three years. Then Illinois will be stuck with a slice of that bill.

Bottom line: Illinois needs to curb Medicaid spending dramatically starting now. Copyright © 2012, Chicago Tribune

History Teacher Lady at 11:21 AM February 4, 2012

"The state could save big, for instance, by capping how much it will pay per patient for so-called "optional services." That includes dental work and prescription drugs. The idea: Patients should be allowed to choose from those services, but the state would set a cap on how much it will spend for each patient."

I love this. Prescriptions are considered optional services. Tell this to a stroke survivor, like Senator Kirk, who is on 16 medications. Maybe the physical and occupational therapies are optional too. You know the things you need to learn how to walk and function again.

Medicaid seems to think that when you suffer a debilitating stroke you have too large of an income with disability to qualify for Medicaid. Let's not forget that you do not qualify for Medicare until 24 months after your stroke because of your age. Now all of your 16 prescriptions are paid out of pocket (+$600 a month) and you can no longer get your blood thinner levels monitored every month as they need to be. Yeah, those pesky optional blood thinners that were prescribed to PREVENT the clots running the length of your leg to get bigger and cause another stroke. Yeah, let's make sure none of that is monitored because Medicaid is paying for all of that optional life saving treatments.

This just makes me sick.

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 9-It's always heartwarming until someone doesn't have insurance

2012-01-30T11:30:00.000-06:00

I find it so amazing that a newspaper will run a story of hope about stroke survival, 5 pages long in their online edition yet the moment someone calls light to the ugly truth about those who go without treatment due to lack of Medicaid or Medicare the article somehow is no longer on the front page of the webpage.

On Sunday, January 29, 2012 the Chicago Tribune ran an article about Senator Kirk and his stroke recovery. They also included stroke survival stories from several other people. The story was suppose to be about the different types of strokes and recovery from it. A happy piece of hope. When I posted my family's experience about my husband only completing half of his recovery due to Medicaid cutting off our benefits because our son turned 18, the story disappeared from the paper. I had to dig to find it. I am posting the link for you to judge for yourself. Why was this story pulled???? This is the type of story that they would keep up for a week.

Sen. Kirk's Stroke Recovery-Chicago Tribune 1/29/2012

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 8-Is there a point?

2012-01-22T16:36:00.000-06:00

This has been an incredibly bad weekend for the ongoing Great Depression of the 2010's. I was in such anguish yesterday. I spent the entire day, done, done with it all. My mind is always trying to find the brighter spot. The day that will be the turn around and get our lives back on track. Yesterday I was just done. So hopeless. There is just so much one pair of shoulders can bare. These are what my mind focuses on:

1-No medical treatment for my husband recovering from a stroke (we make too much with my unemployment while I look for a job and his disability due to his stroke).
     a. Medicare will not be provided due to his age until November of 2012.
     b. My husband is on a blood thinner due to clotting in his leg that caused the first stroke. He is suppose to have his blood levels tested every month. He has not had it done for 4 months and counting due to no coverage.
   c. My husband had to quit Physical and Occupational Therapies which help him learn to adapt to his physical limitations due to the stroke.
     d. My husbands 16 different medications are all paid out of pocket. over $600 a month in medicine alone.
   e. My husband is diabetic. He has advanced neropathy in his feet. Prior to loosing medicaid he was able to go to a Pain Clinic to manage his chronic pain. Now there is no monitoring and adjusting of medications.
     f. My husband has residual internal issues that need to be addressed in 3 different specialties that he has yet to have seen because of lack of insurance.
2. I have been unable to pay the minimums on my credit cards or student loans due to the burden of our medical expenses. I pay each of my credit cards and student loans $10 every 2 weeks with my unemployment. Meanwhile they call constantly and when I tell them I want to work with them but explain what my minimum is they tell me I need to pay more a month. I pay what I can.
3. My car insurance is due and I have yet to pay it. I need the car for my husband. I would take the bus or train to a job if I had one but my husband cannot move around so well.
4. My electric bill has not been paid for 2 months. I am so terrified that we will no longer have electricity.
5. My son could not get full financial aid even with an unemployed teacher for a mother and a father who became disabled due to a stroke. So his tuition will be due by March.
6. Food is harder and harder to buy. We were told that my husband's disability and my unemployment give us too much coming in to receive Food Stamps. Even though our rent and medical take up over half of all of our "income".
7. The job that I was hoping to get is delayed, possibly forever. It seemed like a done deal and it is now in limbo. I thought that I would be working by the end of February at least.
8. My mother has been trying to sell her house so she could move to the same state and she would get a 2 flat that we would all live in and pay the mortgage together. She is old, and living in a state with no family or strong support system. She is disabled and been hospitalized 3 times in one month due to her eye sight and medications. She is disabled and needs to have family around her looking after her. She has already lowered the price on her house twice but there have been no offers. If she walks away from the house then she will not qualify for another mortgage. She and my husband have decent credit and could be co-owners so the mortgage would have a better chance of going through. It has been on the market for a year. If she lowers the price more, she will have to pay more. As it stands she's going to have to pay 10K in closing at the price it is now. She does not have more to give. She is a veteran and so far the VA has not been able to do anything for her even though the move is for medical reasons and it is a VA mortgage she has on her house.
9. Still being unemployed, needing a job so desperately.
10. Having family that does not check in on you or help in any way. I have not had concern about my physical or mental well being by anyone. I guess it is easier to ignore it then to really reach a hand out. Superficial "support" or "help" is so much easier for people these days that your family is treated as your hi/bye non-sustenance friends on facebook. Real and true friendship is so much more complex then a smiley face post or what your favorite song is at that moment. Just make sure you click that like button or else the person thinks you don't care.

With all of that swimming in my head, I broke down. I just couldn't deal with all of it anymore. I use to be the person who paid my bills on time, made sure my son always had a few dollars in his pocket, purchased new shoes when needed, went to coffee with friends, etc.. What is left is this nothing of a person. It is a spiral so deep that there will never be a way out. All I began to think about yesterday was how I didn't want to feel this anymore. I couldn't feel this anymore. No matter how Mary Sunshine I was, the bills will never be current up to date and normal again. The phone calls will never end. The medical will never end. I just wanted it all to stop. I began to seriously think about how to die. That would be the only way out. I don't want to die. I know all too well the aftermath of a suicide and didn't want to inflict that on anyone. But that was all I could think of to stop my head form thinking about this situation.

I came to the conclusion that jumping off of a tall building would be a good solution. That way no one in your family has to find you, the pain is very brief until you die, and it wouldn't cost anything. After knowing how I was to die I started thinking about all of the letters I would have to write. Especially to my son. My eyes were swollen thinking about him and how it would affect him. How do you explain to the person you love the most in the world to that you don't want to be part of the world anymore? That life is just so hopeless? I love my son more than anything in the universe, always have, always will. The thought of hurting him is more than I can bare. It would be so much easier if I died in an accident or of a disease. Then he would feel better about my death.

I spent all day in bed with these thoughts swimming around. Not wanting to die but feeling that there is no other way. I still feel that way, but I am not at that point yet. I would have to get so much organized for my son before I can think about it. I am just taking it very slowly, hour by hour. It is easier to write about this rather than talk to someone. If I had health insurance I would probably see a therapist to help me but that is a luxury that I cannot afford. Who knows how much farther down the road my life has in store, but for now, I am holding on by a string.....

The Amazing Darwin, Cat Supreme

2012-01-02T10:57:00.000-06:00

I have made a first attempt of video on youtube of my cat Darwin. He is my buddy.

Enjoy Darwin asking for third breakfast Darwin's Request

Then watch as Darwin receives third breakfast Darwin's Response

Silly I know, but this is my buddy.

First day of 2012

2012-01-01T10:19:00.001-06:00

I hope everyone had a wonderful New Years Eve. We spend ours watching an old classic "Murder on the Orient Express" and topped it off with the new "Rise of the Planet of the Apes". (They should have really bumped up the rating to an R so it could have played out more realistically. The PG 13 rating limited the realism.)

I hope, whatever your events were last night they were enjoyed with optimism for the coming year. It's a bright beautiful day filled with possibilities and hope out there. Better go out and grab it. Life is too short to focus on the constant weight of misery. There is so much happiness out there that does not have to based on monetary value, technology, or gadgets. Letting go of old hurts and sadness in life can free you to experience this beautiful world, whether your world encompasses the globe or never makes it out of a few city block's range, live life instead of just observing it. I know that is my plan for this year.

Happy 2012.

Daily Scripture: December 27, 2011-Genesis 7:2

2011-12-27T14:32:00.000-06:00

There is a new blog of note: Daily Scripture. It is a daily verse for those scriptures often overlooked. All scriptures come directly though the Standard King James edition.

Daily Scripture: December 27, 2011-Genesis 7:2: "Take with you seven of every kind of clean animal, a male and its mate, and two of every kind of unclean animal, a male and its mate" G...

When the Wall Came a Tumbling Down.....

2011-12-13T20:12:00.000-06:00

Does anyone else remember watching the Berlin wall coming down? Did you feel the history you were witnessing in your lifetime? I still remember watching it on the television with tears streaming down my youthful teenage eyes.

Winds of Change-Scorpions

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 7-Another Casualty

2011-12-06T17:46:00.000-06:00

One of the hardest things in this life is a death of a relationship. It can be a marriage, friendship, or family member. Not a death in the literal sense of someone dying but in the sense of someone who was so integral to your life drifting, fading and eventually leaving your life. The pain of that loss is somehow worse because you know they are out there, living, having fun and don't even give you a passing thought. That is the worst pain to feel, knowing you are less than a blip on someones radar. I have been feeling a loss coming on for some time now. It hurts so much because this is the one person who has been there through thick and thin with me for the past 28 years. Now they have finally outgrown our friendship. I guess I should be thankful for those 28 years, and I am. I just feel so gut wretchedly sad that I have been outgrown and my purpose outdated.

I have not said anything. What is there to be said? During this darkest chapter in my life I have been alone. By that I do not mean that my husband has not been here. He is the one I have been taking care of and nursing back to health. I am talking about a true friend that knows you better than anyone else. Someone who has always been there through the happiness and sorrow. Now the sorrow is all mine to bare. The funny thing is, they are so happy with their new life, friends, relationships, that you cannot wish ill will. That would be selfish and mean spirited. I shall just cry alone.

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 6-Last Call

2011-12-02T23:53:00.000-06:00

When my beloved Chris committed suicide 14.5 years ago I was plagued repeatedly with questions like "What could I have done differently? What could I have said? What could I have asked? What could I have given?" I think of this because of the importance of listening to someone when they are hurting. If you don't act or actually listen to the person when they are here it will haunt you for the rest of your life. I will be haunted for the rest of my life for things I should have never said to him, things I should have said and my absorption with my own life that I did not see his slipping away.

If someone tells you, actually tells you, that they are at the end of their rope and are in dire circumstances and you have the power to help, don't put it off for your own self absorption. I did that and I lost one of the closest people in my life. It is so easy to have fun and take the easy way. It is much harder to actually look at the face of the person you care about suffering and asking for help, either directly or indirectly, and choosing to flit away your time and energies on self indulgence and pleasure, it will later haunt you when that person is either no longer living or living on the streets.

The Economic Bill of Rights by FDR circa 1944

2011-10-31T10:04:00.000-06:00

Excerpt from President Roosevelt's January 11, 1944 message to the Congress of the United States on the State of the Union:

“

It is our duty now to begin to lay the plans and determine the strategy for the winning of a lasting peace and the establishment of an American standard of living higher than ever before known. We cannot be content, no matter how high that general standard of living may be, if some fraction of our people—whether it be one-third or one-fifth or one-tenth—is ill-fed, ill-clothed, ill-housed, and insecure. This Republic had its beginning, and grew to its present strength, under the protection of certain inalienable political rights—among them the right of free speech, free press, free worship, trial by jury, freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures. They were our rights to life and liberty.
As our nation has grown in size and stature, however—as our industrial economy expanded—these political rights proved inadequate to assure us equality in the pursuit of happiness.
We have come to a clear realization of the fact that true individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence. “Necessitous men are not free men.”^[2] People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made.
In our day these economic truths have become accepted as self-evident. We have accepted, so to speak, a second Bill of Rights under which a new basis of security and prosperity can be established for all—regardless of station, race, or creed.
Among these are:
The right to a useful and remunerative job in the industries or shops or farms or mines of the nation;
The right to earn enough to provide adequate food and clothing and recreation;
The right of every farmer to raise and sell his products at a return which will give him and his family a decent living;
The right of every businessman, large and small, to trade in an atmosphere of freedom from unfair competition and domination by monopolies at home or abroad;
The right of every family to a decent home;
The right to adequate medical care and the opportunity to achieve and enjoy good health;
The right to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment;
The right to a good education.
All of these rights spell security. And after this war is won we must be prepared to move forward, in the implementation of these rights, to new goals of human happiness and well-being.
America's own rightful place in the world depends in large part upon how fully these and similar rights have been carried into practice for all our citizens.
For unless there is security here at home there cannot be lasting peace in the world.

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 5-Occupy Wall Street, Hand-Outs, and Freebies

2011-10-31T09:47:00.000-06:00

I am so amazed by the argument I hear from dear friends of mine that accuse protesters of being slackers, wanting hand-outs, wanting freebies. Especially when these friends are union members in the public sector doing heroic work everyday. Let me just say, the protesters are not asking for freebies, just their future being sold out to bail out corporations and banks.

Below is an example of expectations and freebies:

You take a job a for $20 an hour. The union that covers your area of work has negotiated health care premiums that only cost you $50 a month. This union also negotiated a cost of living increase every year for you as well as a 4% raise every year. You have accepted the job for $20 an hour. When the pay increases come in, do you accept them for doing what you committed to do, your job? Or do you consider it getting something for free? To me it sounds like, based on the logic I have been told about the protesters, that the person working should be happy to make that $20 an hour because that is what they agreed to. Taking anything over that $20 an hour is getting something for free.

It is all ridiculous. Of course people should get raises. They should also thank their unions that those raises have been fought for and won. I hate to see good people whom I care for and love be so mislead by the talking heads that have big business to answer to and promote instead of the truth and the citizens of this great country.

This country was founded on protest. Our founding fathers encouraged it. How can good American people allow themselves to be led like sheep to the slaughter by corporate greed?

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 4-The 99% Occupy Wall Street Movement

2011-10-31T07:24:00.000-06:00

It still blows my mind when people don't get the 99% movement. So many people seem to think it is about getting a hand out (like the banks were given in the form of our, your children's, and grand-children's tax dollars and future). The 99% movement is about being given the opportunity to provide for yourself and family. As long as American jobs are sent to other countries for a few more profit points then more and more Americans will be unemployed, dying from lack of medical care (which all other industrialized nations have figured out, a healthy population is a productive one with universal health care), homelessness. What will it take for people to wake up and see it is not just a "bunch of whiners on their iPhones and laptops" but a desperate American population that wants to survive and see this country great again, for all. Maybe a repeat of the soup lines in the 30's will be the wake up.

Social stratification is real. The circumstances people were born into DO factor into how this recession will be ridden out. Some people are lucky enough to have a place to call home, family that will help when needed, offer a roof or food. There are so many others that do not have that security net. For those people, it can be depressing, hopeless, and bleak. I try never to pass judgement on people. Much less on a large group of people. I wish other would stop passing judgement on the 99%ers. True there are some rabble rousers in the crowd. When is there not "one apple spoiling the whole bunch"? But to paint your fellow Americans, vets, patriots and citizenry as a detriment to society is not the way. We are all the 99%. Unfortunately others take advantage of those bound in a lower cast. Read up on the real reason for this movement, starting with the discipline of Social Stratification. When I was at university I minored in Sociology and it really opened my eyes to how we as a citizenry got to this point. To be honest, I am surprised it took this long.

To Smoke or Not to Smoke

2011-09-30T07:14:00.000-06:00

I quit smoking on May 11th of 2011. It was a difficult thing to do but it was time. I had been smoking since the age of 14. That was 27 years of smoking under my belt. It was time to quit. I used Nicorette lozenges for 9 weeks and was done. Since going off of the lozenges over two months ago, I have not been able to stop eating. Even when I am so full that I am sick I still feel this emptiness inside. Nothing seems to fill it.

This past week has been extremely difficult and trying. All I think about all day and night long is the pure joy of a cigarette. I really don't want to go back to smoking but the only fulfillment I can have is with a cigarette. Yesterday I decided to use lozenges for awhile until this stress goes away. I have to say, the second that nicotine hit my system, life seemed worth living again, for awhile. I know it is weak but I'd rather do this than pick up a cigarette. It took all I had to break the psychological oral fixation of smoking. I do not want to go back. But this demon nicotine is the one thing that keeps me from going over the edge.

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 3-Medicaid, Medicare, Disability, and Unemployment for the under 50 crowd

2011-09-28T14:55:00.000-06:00

I have had one of the worst days in quite sometime. I was informed early this afternoon that because our son turned 18 we were no longer eligible for Medicaid. My son will have Medicaid until his 19th birthday but my husband and I are SOL. Here are the life events that happened last year:

June 2010-Laid off as a Teacher
July-November 2010-Paying full price for medications. Husbands pain meds for diabetic neropathy was at $200 a month for the one med.
October 2010-Husband suffers a Bell's Palsy episode. Taken to County (No CAT-Scan was done)
October-November 2010-Pay full office visit price for eye specialist (4 times)
November 2010 (Sunday after Thanksgiving)-Husband has a stroke
November 2010-December 2010(2 Days before Christmas)-Husband hospitalized. Loses mobility and function on entire left side.
January 2011-(2 weeks after release and stayed for a week)-Husband re-admitted to hospital because of blood clots in leg. Put on blood thinners for the rest of his life.

Flash forward to today. My husband was approved for Disability at age 49. He is still slowly recovering. He needs physical and occupational therapy twice a week and to visit the coumidin clinic for his blood thinner levels once a month. Not to mention the 16 medications he is on.

Social Security told me he is not eligible for Medicare until 24 months after he was approved for Disability. That means we have to wait until November 29th of 2012 before he can have medical benefits. EVERYTHING will be out of pocket.

How can they honestly think that Disability and Unemployment make for rolling in the cash? They do not take into consideration that rent takes almost half of all of the money that comes into the house. We have NOTHING and yet they don't even want my husband to have a chance to live? We cannot afford 16 medications. Some of them will be covered under the Walgreen or Walmart plans of $4 meds but there are so many he will no longer be able to take because of what?

I have been loosing it after every call. My eyes are so big and puffy. I have no idea what we are going to do. We have no one to help. I have never felt so alone in my life.

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 2-The Debt Collectors

2011-09-24T06:56:00.000-06:00

I really miss the comedian Bill Hicks. He would have had a political field day during last decade. I thought of his bit he does about people in advertising (I will put the link at the end of this post) and often feel that way about people in debt collections.

I don't know what personal experiences are out there. I have only my own which are true horror show. It is disgusting how you are treated by these people. I understand people have a job to do but you cannot squeeze blood from a turnip. When the calls first began I answered them. I was not trying to get out of my responsibilities, I was simply living on unemployment for a family of 3. Silly me, I thought I could explain to them how we had no money and how I'd paid my student loans religiously for 6 years and had every intention of paying them once I had a job again. Instead of working with me they still demanded the monthly minimum and said the most insulting things:

"Don't you have someone you can borrow the money from?"

(After explaining that my husband had just had a stroke and I can't even pay utilities. I have to pick which utility I can pay on any given month)

"Your student loan is just as important and your utilities."
(Is it really? Will my student loan keep the lights on?)

"This will lower your credit score."
(Really? I had no idea being in object poverty would do that to you)

I have stopped answering the phone. Each debtor calls an average of 5-6 times a day. My phone rings all of the time. Every time I hear it I cringe. It is beyond misery or depression. I am sure the majority of people who are the debt collectors list are like I am. They want to pay for what they owe but do not have the jobs to afford to. It makes life so much more humiliating and depressing when you know the phone ringing is yet another person demanding what you do not have. It is humiliating for my son to hear what a failure his mother is with every ring of the phone.

Biil Hicks-Marketing

Most Americans are but a few paychecks away from where I am. I wouldn't wish this on anybody.

Bill Hicks on Marketing

2011-09-24T06:46:00.000-06:00

Complaints spike over debt collectors - Chicago Sun-Times

2011-09-24T06:24:00.000-06:00

Complaints spike over debt collectors - Chicago Sun-Times

I have thought this for years. There is nothing more frustrating than being out with a friend and the little chirp goes off. Immediately they check their text and respond. This happens throughout the visit. Nothing can make you feel less important than someones cell phone. I hate my cell phone and only use it when needed and out. I text maybe 5 messages a months as opposed to the average in my age bracket, 30-50 messages a month. PC's are so much different because it is an activity you do alone for the most part. You do not invite your friends over and sit at your PC answering e-mails.

Civility in American Society

2011-09-22T08:54:00.000-06:00

In the mornings, while I am still unemployed, I drive my son to University. It is one of the very small things that I can do. This child has had to go from lower middle class to object poverty at a crucial time in his life. We were never at a financial point where we could take vacations but all of the bills were paid. He takes it all with good humor and grace. It doesn't bother him that I purchase all of his clothing at the thrift shops or food from food pantries. So the very least I can do is give him a ride to University.

This morning I drove my son to University. In front of the building I drop him off at is handicap parking. The entire length of the building is handicap parking, as it should be. This morning when I arrived, the entire handicap parking area what vacant. I pulled into an area in between two handicap spots to allow for cars to park in the handicap spots. The area in between the parking spots are as big as a parking spot itself. While dropping my son off I was finishing the update on his father's medical condition and medications. This type of talk can be so very depressing.

As we were just about ready to say our good-byes, a car pulled up beside us and honked. The woman in the car had her window down and I rolled mine down. Perhaps she needed to know how to get to an area on campus. Or was lost. Having spent 11 years working at this campus as well as being an alumni I would be in a position to help with locations. As I rolled the window down she began to yell. Below is the "conversation"

Woman: "This is a handicap parking area"
Me: "I am not parking here. I am just dropping off my son"
Woman: "This is a handicap parking area" (Her voice is raising and she is yelling and becoming confrontational. I am the type of person who does not like yelling or confrontation. I prefer for things to be handled calmly.)
Me: "I understand that. I am just dropping off my son and I am leaving" (Remember, the entire handicap parking area is vacant around the entire front of the building. Having a husband who is disabled, I would never deprive a disabled person from a spot and would be irritated if someone parked in the only remaining spot reserved for someone who needed it. But the parking lot was vacant, spots galore.
Woman: "You can't park here. This is for disabled people. Don't you know about disabled parking?"
Me: "My husband is disabled ma'am. I know about disabled people. I am just dropping my son of and then I am leaving". My husband refused to get the disabled license, plates, or sticker. He said that as long as he could walk with his cane, there were people who needed those spots more than him. That is the mindset of our home. I would never put any type of hardship on a disabled person. I know that living with the disability is difficult enough.
Woman: (screaming with a little spittle coming out of her mouth) "YOU CAN'T PARK HERE"
Me: "Why are you speaking to me this way?"
Woman: "Because I am irritated!!!"
Me: "I am done speaking to you" At this point I rolled up my window. She continued to shout as the window went up. I was gobsmacked.

I did not know how to comprehend what had taken place. I was in an entirely vacant parking area and yet I was yelled at. I am a very compassionate and caring person. I have given my seat up on the bus for the elderly, male or female, while others sat and did nothing. I hold doors, speak respectfully to all. Especially to children. The main reason being, children learn by example. I have had excellent results in the classroom and out in public, just by speaking nicely and respectfully to all. Even during this exchange, my voice never raised, as hers not only raised but became vicious and abusive. I maintained a calm response to her ranting.

As I left, I wondered what type of morning this woman had. She must have had a horrible morning and was itching for a fight. I am never the person to engage in a quarrel because I handle it calmly. That can cause people to get so angry, calm people. What a sad life if you feel the need to engage a stranger in a yelling match. My life is pretty sad but I would never take it out on someone else. It isn't a civilized behavior. Civility is what is needed in times like these, and often lacking.

The only conclusion I have to this situation and others like this is, you never know what is happening in the lives of others. Hurting others because you are hurt, irritating others because you are irritated is mean, selfish and childish and has no place in society.

The Great Depression of the 2010's musings part 1

2011-09-17T07:31:00.000-06:00

I sat staring at my shoes yesterday when my husband and I were on the way home from Osco Pharmacy. We had just purchased the one medication not covered under medicaid (yet the only neuropathy medication that relieves the pain for my husband). The cost was $172.99. This is the second month in a row we have had to pay that amount for medication. Feeling not so great I stared at my shoes and laughed to myself.

The shoes wore are the ones I wear everyday, my New Balance. I love these shoes and need to wear sneakers with as much running around as I do. This particular pair saw it's day about a year ago. Both shoes on the left sides have holes in them. The holes are so large you can see my socks. I know it is going to be horrible in the winter. Now most people would tell you, just buy a new pair of shoes. That's the part that makes me laugh. The people I know would have no concept of what true poverty means. The shoes are a symbol of my life. Sure there can be a quick fix, like maybe a new pair of sneakers, or my mother paying my electric bill that was past due for 6 months, but those are no real solution. There will still be another bill or prescription that does not have the funds to pay it. 

When I didn't have money in the past to pay for something I would wait to the following pay period to purchase it. There is no following pay period now. This is it. I do not think people get it. It is not just tightening the belt a little. Maybe skipping going out to the movies or dinner. It is the harsh reality that you do not have enough money after paying for needed medication to buy something at the store for meals for the week. Or be able to pay for transportation for your husband for the week to get to Doctor's appointments. And it won't be all better after payday, or you can take it out of savings or put it on the card. Those options have long since past.

This hopelessness/helplessness effects your entire life, for the rest of your life. There is no longer a sense of happiness, laughter and ease. That has been replaced by dread, fear, and tension. I do not know if this will ever go away. I have my doubts. I have read countless tales of the survivors of the Great Depression. Hell, my Great Grand Parents lost everything in the Great Depression and were changed for ever. People who love the old you. The one that was like them don't realize, you are not like them. You never will be again. The absolute best you can hope for is to find a job that pays at least half of what you were making as an educator, and keep your fingers crossed that there will be health benefits. If not that you make just below what Medicaid will allow for you to continue using Medicaid. The most important thing is not to think of what your life was and who you use to be. That person is long gone.

On this day 21 years ago...

2011-09-15T20:39:00.000-06:00

On this day, 21 years ago, I was sitting in the basement of my then fiances' parents house drinking a shot of tequila my ex's father poured for us, complete with worm. It was to celebrate his 21st Birthday. It was horrible and the taste stayed in my mouth for hours afterward.

On this day, 21 years ago, I gave the man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with a gold pocket watch (which he had wanted for years, a box of cigarillos and a bottle of tequila.

On this day, 21 years ago,my future was all laid out and planned. I was a year away from marriage (or so I thought) and the life of a wife of a Lutheran Minister or a Chicago Police Officer. Which ever career he chose.

On this day, 21 years ago, I had hopes, dreams and goals for a happy life. How did so many years pass?

Happy Birthday A.K.. I hope the life you chose still makes you happy.

Detour from Raw Foods

2011-09-11T08:50:00.000-06:00

I must say, though I was enjoying my journey with raw foods and will pick it back up. I first had to exercise a demon that has plagued me for 27 years, I quit smoking. It was quite difficult and I will be a smoker for the rest of my life, I will just be a smoker who chooses not to smoke.

Today makes 4 months since my last cigarette. I do so miss them. I know I can do without them but I loved them so.

Now I can begin to focus on raw foods and health. My husband has been improving everyday from his stoke. It has really boosted his confidence.

The boy graduated from high school in June and began university in August. He is just getting the hang of university classes.

So much has happened in such a short time. It is amazing how much there is to say when you have not had a pc for 5 months. I have been using the ipod my husband was given for christmas by his brother and sister as my internet connection. My pc contracted a horrible virus and is unusable. All of my files and life are on the pc sitting at my feel. I have not felt like using this new/old pc of my husbands because my files are not on it and there are no programs of use. I do not even have Word on this thing.

I do hope to begin raw foods again. With me still looking for a job and my husband still recovering from the stroke, it has been difficult to even get to food pantries much less the grocery store for fresh veggies.

The Journey of Raw Foods-Day 5

2011-04-03T08:47:00.000-06:00

It has now been over 48 hours with no coffee. There is no withdrawal or cravings for it. My mind is completely blown. I still can't get over the fact that coffee is not a part of my daily life's blood.

My husband is not doing the juice fast or raw diet, which is fine. I went to my local Starbucks this morning to get my husband his coffee and ran into my usual barista. I have been talking to her about the raw foods journey I am on. When she saw me this morning she waived her arms in the air and exclaimed, "I'm doing it! After work today I am going to get a juicer and start a raw foods diet." She was so excited about trying a raw foods path. She said towards the end of our conversation, "I hope you don't mind, but I am following in your footsteps."

I thought about this on the way home and it made me think of who is my inspiration for this journey, my younger cousin Betty. She has been vegan for years. She is an amazing young woman who is filled with passion for healthy living, strong, and a self-assured force of nature. She has always been this way, even when she was a small child. Here's to you, my inspiration, Betty.

The Journey of Raw Foods-Day 3

2011-04-01T07:23:00.000-06:00

As I begin day 3 of a raw foods lifestyle I find it is not as horrible as I thought it would be. I was always a total food craver. For the past two days I have been on a juice fast and though I have smelled some awesome foods, I think back to one of the video blogs I watched about smells. A woman RawDownUnder posted on her blog about the smells of food. How the smells are better than actually eating the food. It was funny, last night my husband wanted a frozen pizza for dinner. I cooked it and it smelled and looked incredible. I inhaled the smell and it was wonderful. My stomach gurgled a little. But I was so good. I did not have even a taste. What I found myself wanting was to eat a banana. I know I have several more days on the juice fast so I stayed steady and had a glass of the fresh juice I made.

I still think of bad food occasionally. Yesterday evening I had to pick up prescriptions for my husband at the grocery store. It was amazing walking through a grocery store and only buying grapes and kiwi. I did not look at all of my previous trappings. I stayed focused and it felt great.

I have begun a picture a day to see the difference in me over the days. I want this to be a lifelong journey to healthy living. Once food is no longer a focal point in my life I can focus on everything else.

As I enter day 3 I am focused, goal driven and happy. I cannot wait for the toxins in my body to begin to leave. I drink a lot more water than I ever did. Before I relied on the water in my coffee to do the work of hydration. Fruits are wonderful. I cannot wait to be able to have smoothies. That is still five days away. I will get the greens in and my body will begin to heal from all of the years of damage I have done to it.

The Journey of Raw Foods-Day 1

2011-03-30T09:46:00.000-06:00

I have been contemplating a Raw Foods diet for sometime now. I have lived a very unhealthy lifestyle for the past 10 years or so. There are many contributors to this destructive path, the main being my state of mind and what I will accept. For the past week I have been researching a raw foods diet and the benefits. Mainly because, I am tired of feeling unhealthy. I would not say that I am sick. There are no sniffles or colds, but I feel very unhealthy.

I feel now that I am ready for this change in lifestyle. Before all I would fantasize about is the foods I would be missing. I do not feel that way now. I am not thinking about all that I will miss out on. What I feel is all that I have the potential to benefit from. I am excited to start this new journey.

The first step is the detox period, that will be rough. Not for wanting to eat but for all of the impurities to gradually leave my system. The biggest obstacle for me is getting the "greens" in my system. Sure, I love spinach cooked and with butter. But to get back to the basics that my body needs, that is now gone, and I'm okay with that. I have never been a real salad eater either. But after all of the research I think there is a solution, blending. I have found excellent recipes online for adding the greens to raw smoothies that will get the greens in me.

My past diet over the year has been the worst foods you can feed your body: pizza, pastas, EVERYTHING chocolate, buttered everything, breads, and TONS of starches. Anyone who knows me knows I love sugar and starch. It really takes a mindset to be able to begin this journey, but I am more than ready.

Since I am giving up dairy as well as meat, processed foods, and anything cooked, the biggest hurdle is my coffee. I know I will eventually give up coffee all together but that is one of my last hold-outs. Since I drank my coffee with 2% milk and truvia I had to change that. I have just started drinking my coffee with pure almond milk. It is a little different taste and is a little thicker than I am use to, but it is alright. It reminds me a little of drinking coffee with cream. I was never a cream drinker.

Currently the medical issues I have are below. I have read and viewed some wonderful results medically from what should be obvious to me at this stage in my life.:

1-High Blood Pressure (3 medications to control)
2-Migraine Headaches ( Once a month or so)
3-Knee Joint Pain (I have had this since my mid-20's. They really hurt when there is humidity in the air)
4-Back Pain when waking (unless I have my legs elevated)

I am sure there are more but those are the most pressing ones.

I am very fortunate my husband bought a juicer many years ago. I made a juice of Granny Smith Apples and Red and Black Seedless Grapes (all on sale at Dominicks). I know I will have to have better juices and more organic, but money is always tight.

For the first week of detox fruit juices only then after the first week I can move on to smoothies (Happy to have my old blender. It may be beat-up and old but it still works) infused with greens. It's funny, I was talking to be BF yesterday and the one thing she said she would have a problem with in going smoothie or juice was not having the different textures in her mouth when eating. For me, I will be happy to no longer have to get my nutrients by chewing. I feel that this "liquid" type diet would be easier for me to handle. If you told me that a month ago I would have thought you were mad.

Sure, I would like to loose weight, but that is not the main reason for doing this. I just want to feel healthy. It feels as if my body is a full of toxic waste. The stupid thing is, I put it there.

I am too young to be this unhealthy. I am almost 42 and feel much older. I want to be around for my sons life. I want to see him fall in love, graduate University, start a family and become the wonderful man I know he will be. How can I do that when I am on this self-destructive path? It starts now. It starts today.

I will post more in the weeks ahead to see if this path is the right one, which I feel it will be. Wish me luck

Stroke at 49 part 3

2011-03-28T11:44:00.000-06:00

Well, it has been sometime since my last posting on my husband's stroke. We hit the four month marker of post-stroke. I wish I could say that there has been a miraculous improvement but it is all so slow moving. David has been pretty positive through all of this but the cracks are beginning to appear. It is so hard for me to imagine how it must feel being cooped up it the apartment day after day. The simplest trips to the store or for physical therapy or doctors appointments are a big production that is tiring.

To date David still has no movement in his shoulder, very limited movement in his arm and hand. He can raise his left arm to almost chest level with a great deal of effort and concentration. He can only do it for one or two repetitions. His left knee does bend but get caught in the locked position a lot. His ankle he can move with a great deal of concentration and effort. His left foot still has no feeling and both his foot and calf are constantly swelling. We have to wait until May for his third ultrasound on his leg to see if the blood thinners have broken up the clots in the four arteries that go from his foot to his abdomen.

The hardest days for travel are when we know we are going to need to be walking for distances. I have to carry down the wheelchair from our third floor apartment and carry it back up. We do not have a handicap parking sticker so I usually have to pull up to the place we are going, get the chair out of the back seat, help him get situated, then find parking. It's funny, people seem to think that there is a lot of free time when staying home and caring for your loved one, if anyone spent anytime in my shoes, they would go to bed early every night.

There is so much more I would like to be doing but it is so difficult to find the time to do it. While taking care of him I am ever still on the job hunt. Looking for work, taking care of him and our son, doing all of the household chores alone is really tiring.

Decline of the American History Classroom

2011-01-19T07:31:00.000-06:00

Subject Matters: Why students fall behind on history from CNN

Above is a link about a subject near and dear to my heart. By the time they figure out the importance of learning history and begin to value History Teachers again, I will be too old to teach. I truly miss teaching history to students. What I don't miss is spending at least half of my lesson time on disciplinary issues. I just don't understand how we went from having classrooms where the trouble makers were sent to the Principal or Disciplinarian. Those students did not return to class, a parent was called, and the student really got it from mom or dad when they got home. That was how it was when I was in school in the 80's. Teachers were allowed to teach.

What I knew in school was that my education was my responsibility. There was no free hand out of diploma's. If you didn't like your grade you worked harder to change it. There was no bullying of teachers as I see now in the classroom. I cannot tell you how many parents came into my classroom, when I was still teaching, and demanding, argued, yelled, and occasionally became verbally abusive to the point of security stepping in because their child's grades were horrible. It seems in the education field, yelling is what works. Principal's will bend over backwards, break set rules, to appease hostile parents. Why? Because they fear the call to the district office. They know they can be pulled from the school they are at. Often the Teacher is left to feel and look powerless. Students see this. Parents see this. Education is not education when these tactics are pulled, it is thuggery, bullying, and blackmail. Change the grade, break the rules, or you may not have a job to come back to. It makes me sick.

Stroke at 49 part 2

2011-01-02T12:10:00.000-06:00

This is the face of a 49 year old with a stroke. My darling husband has been through hell and back and is still fighting. Words cannot describe what it is like to have a stroke at such a young age or to care for someone who has suffered through it. It has been 35 days since my husband's stroke on the right front lobe hemisphere of his brain. He has had regained movement in his left thigh and calf. To date he is still without movement in the following areas of the left side of his body:

Face
Shoulder
Upper Arm
Lower Arm
Wrist
Hand
Fingers and Thumb
Ankle
Foot
All ten toes

What has been the most difficult thing is to see a once proud, do it myself kind of man reduced to requesting help to go anywhere around the house, get dressed etc.

Yesterday his left calf was really bothering him. It was more swollen than usual. His foot and ankle were more swollen as well. This morning, after having no sleep the night before, he would not wake up. I spent 2 hours until he finally woke up to take his medications. Everyday is a constant study of anything out of the ordinary or new. The possibility of a second stroke can be high.

I am so tired by the end of the day I just want to sleep for a week straight.

Stroke at 49 part 1

2010-12-17T19:19:00.002-06:00

Three days after Thanksgiving my husband got out of bed and stumbled into the dining room were I was reading the morning news online. I followed him into the kitchen and asked if he was alright. He told me he was dizzy and having a difficult time standing. I brought him to the couch in the living room and had him sit down. His face was slightly drooping on the left side but he was still recovering from Bell's Palsy three weeks before so it was not unusual. I asked him to raise his arms. He could not raise his left arm nor his leg. Right away I called 911. He kept insisting that he would be fine and not to call 911.

After the paramedics carried him out one of the paramedics told me it was probably the Bell's Palsy. We arrived at the hospital three blocks from the apartment within 20 minutes of calling 911. At the hospital they did a CATscan and we were told he had had a stroke on the right side of his frontal lobe. They could not perform the angioplasty at the hospital and he would need to be transferred to another hospital across town. We waited over an hour and a half for the transport to the new hospital and another 45 minutes for the neurosurgeon to speak with me about the surgery. The angioplasty is where they went in through an artery on the right side of his groin and insert a balloon tipped catheter that traveled up to the frontal lobe of his brain to dislodge the clot. After waiting nervously for an hour and a half, the surgeon came and told me the results of the surgery. They were able to remove sixty percent of the clot. The clot had broken off into three clots. The first clot had completely blocked the main artery. That was removed. The main artery then branches out into two smaller blood vessels. The larger of the two was also completely blocked and the clot was removed. The smaller vessel was also completely blocked but they were unable to remove the clot.

The area of the brain that was affected was his balance and coordination. They were not sure what lasting affect the stroke would have until it settled. As the stroke settled there was slight hemorrhaging. The night after the surgery he was able to lift his arm, leg, and squeeze with his hand. As the stroke settled and the hemorrhaging stopped he lost all movement in his face, shoulder, arm, wrist, hand, fingers, ankle, foot and toes. It has now been just less than two weeks in rehab, still as an in-patient in the hospital, and we are worried sick. They are working like mad to get him to the point where he can climb the three flights to our apartment once he is released on the 29th of December.

My husband has always been a relatively healthy person. He eats right for the most part and yet this stroke hit out of the blue. I have no idea what the next few weeks will bring. What I do know is that there is no Christmas at my house this year. Our son put the tree up himself and decorated it. He has been doing all of the laundry, dishes, taking care of the cats and really stepping up. It breaks my heart that I cannot give him a Christmas. I have not had the time to shop. Nor the money. My days are spent taking him to school at 6:30 am and spending the day at the hospital. I return for enough time to eat, talk to the boy for an hour or so and get up to do it all over again. I have to say, on a scale of 1 to 10 of suckiness, this is the worst Christmas I have ever had. And those include my first 15 years of life when I was not allowed to celebrate holidays.

I think the saddest thing is, no one has come to the hospital to see him. My aunt who is recovering from cancer wanted to come but I cannot let her take the risk of the Chicago winter after she has just finished with radiation and chemotherapy. Her immune system is not strong enough. One of my uncles said he was going to stop by but he has been sick. The only person who has really been here for me has been my BFF. She is more of a sister to me. She has been wonderful! She is even making Christmas Eve dinner and bringing it to the hospital so we can do what we always do for Christmas Eve, spend it together. I really don't know what I would have done without her help these past few weeks.

When is enough?

2010-11-26T09:14:00.000-06:00

I am trying so desperately to find the spirit of the holiday season. I was to feel that there is hope or even a future for me. I checked the balance of my checking account and realized that there is enough for rent next month and that is it. My unemployment deposit doesn't come in until a week after rent is due. So between now and December 8th there is nothing. Words cannot even to begin to describe the despair in my very soul. I have never felt as much isolation and hopelessness as I do now. I really have no idea what I am going to do. I have been applying for jobs all over the city from cashier to maid. I have completely given up hope of ever using my education or certification again. I am truly at a place where I have nothing. I was always the positive one for others. Tried to let things slide off my back. A few set-backs never crushed me. But how do I not feel that way now? I was really doing good at the beginning of the year. I had some money saved for a down payment on a condo, a bank pre-approved mortgage, a small savings set aside for my sons education, student loans paid off every month for the past 6 years, and a job that I loved. I have never been well off but life was, for the first time, not a struggle.

This year has brought me a loss of my husbands job, my husband leaving me for a brief time, my sons onset of bipolar manic episodes, a loss of my job, and now total financial ruin. It is not even the type of ruin where you can find a small place and live modestly. It is complete ruin. Close to living on the streets ruin. I really don't know what to do. I have talked to my family and when I was asked by an uncle to let him know if there was anything he could do I begged him to get my husband a job at his company. My uncle is kind of high up at the company. His response was, just have him go to the website. Not, give me his resume and I'll talk to a few people. I went to the website and there is nothing my husband is qualified to do.

I am really at a loss. I keep trying to think that it can't get any worse, but then another punch in the stomach happens. I'm still trying to sell off all of my possessions on e-bay but it costs money to even post them. I haven't sold off enough of my things to even make a dent. I just want all of this to end. I really can't take anymore. I am beyond having hope for better things to come.

Christmas and Father

2010-11-15T08:03:00.000-06:00

In Chicago we have a radio station that plays nothing but Christmas songs during the holiday season. It is always my favorite time of year. This year they started playing the Christmas music on the 11th of November. I cannot tell you how much that is a big boost to my sorrow. I longed for Christmas growing up. Every Christmas commercial or the old mash-ups they did with television shows singing carols would send me to tears with an aching heart. It wasn't about presents or "getting stuff" it was about the one thing that I felt was missing, family closeness and love. I didn't celebrate my first Christmas until I was 16 years old.

The magic of childhood Christmas was not mine to have along with so many things. There are so many little things that people take for granted that mean the world to others. The two things that can really make my heart ache and bring on the tears, to this day, are Christmas movies and of all things, the movie "What a Girl Wants". I know it is a kid movie and there is a lot of silliness, but the theme of the film haunts me. The one thing this girl wants is to dance with her father, the father she has never known. When she meets her father she is an outsider in his life and not wanted by most of those around him. Of course in the end she gets what she has always dreamed of, a dance with her father. That is how I have always felt. The difference is, I am 41 and there is no dance in my future.

When I met my father for the first time 11 years ago I was happy beyond words. I was so much him. He had a family with 3 daughters. I was like a distant cousin. My father was so important to me. I knew that I could never have childhood memories with him, bedtime stories, Christmas mornings, and feeling protected by Daddy. Nor could I have the adult milestone moments with him, the birth of my son or having my father give me away at my wedding, those were already completed before we met. But the two things I longed for I was to be denied. At his youngest daughters wedding I physically had to leave the "hall" as he had the father daughter dance. My heart hurt so badly. It was the only dance my father and I never offered one.

The second thing was my graduating University. I worked so hard to finish my education degree. I called and spoke with my step-mother and told her how important it was for me to have my father there. She told me he could not travel that distance with his back. I said I understood, but then they began driving to Florida in the winter which is ever farther than the trip to Chicago. My place was solidified.

It is a difficult thing to come to terms with. A battle I still fight to this day, being second place or an afterthought. I always knew I was an afterthought in my mother's life. In fact, in most peoples lives. It just hurts when it happens when you are older. You are suppose to be stronger and built up an un-scalable wall.

My Christmas wish is to feel as if I matter, feel secure, have a home I can go to when my world is crashing down as it is now, to know that I am loved by some form of family. All I feel is the futility of existence. The only one keeping me together is my son. Who all too soon will not need me as he heads to college next year. It would not even be a blip on the radar in anyone's life if I were gone.

And I have to go to food pantries?

2010-11-10T12:02:00.001-06:00

Member of state Prisoner Review Board on sick leave for 17 months

Roger Walker (George Thompson, Chicago Tribune / November 9, 2010)

By Steve Mills, Tribune reporter

7:46 p.m. CST, November 9, 2010

A former state prison director has worked just one day in the 17 months since he was appointed by Gov. Pat Quinn to a little-known but important state board that decides if inmates should be paroled, according to documents and interviews.

Roger Walker Jr. attended a half-day orientation but has been absent from every meeting of the full Illinois Prisoner Review Board except for one session about three weeks after his appointment in June 2009, records show.

He hasn't attended a single additional hearing or work session at a prison or the board offices in Springfield.

"I'm on sick leave," said Walker, who indicated he has heart, lung and stomach problems and needs the job for the health insurance. "So what's the deal? … These bills and stuff are just astronomical."

The governor's office said it was aware Walker had medical issues when he was appointed to the $85,886-a-year position, but officials did not believe his health would keep him from performing the work. State law allows the governor to remove a member of the Prisoner Review Board for neglect of duty or inability to serve, among other reasons, but Quinn has taken no action against Walker.

According to current board officials, Jorges Montes, while still chairman of the review board, told the governor's office about Walker's absences, hoping officials would find a solution to the problem. Montes declined to comment for this story.

Walker, who headed the Illinois Department of Corrections for six years before his appointment to the review board, said he had intended to fulfill his responsibilities when he took the job. But he confirmed in a telephone interview that he has been sick much of the time since his appointment and has not been able to do any work with the board. Walker said he spent several months last year at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota and "almost died a few times."

The 15 members who make up the Prisoner Review Board share a range of responsibilities. They meet about once a month, sometimes twice, in either Chicago or Springfield to consider whether to release prisoners who received indeterminate sentences for violent crimes in the 1970s and earlier.

The board also meets to consider cases of people seeking clemency from the governor.

Members, working in panels of three, also travel to prisons across the state to hear parole violation cases as well as to set conditions of parole for the more than 25,000 inmates released each year. Those panels also hear disciplinary cases against inmates and decide whether to take away credits for good conduct.

The state considers it a full-time job, but board members said some weeks involve only three or four days of work — including travel time to prisons — depending on the caseload.

Still, the board's other 14 members have had to pick up the slack because of Walker's lengthy absences.

"The board needs someone who can put in the time and effort. If someone is physically unable to do the job, you have to let them go," said David Morrison, the deputy director of the Illinois Campaign for Political Reform, a not-for-profit backing government transparency. "The private sector deals with that all the time. You have to do what's for the good of the organization."

Walker's absences "undermine the board's critical work" in protecting public safety, said John Maki, coordinating director of the John Howard Association, a prison watchdog group in Chicago.

Adam Monreal, the board's chairman, said the board was trying to "figure out the best solution to the situation."

In a statement, Quinn's office said Walker's "life-threatening" health issues date to his appointment and the board has tried to find "solutions to accommodate" Walker. The governor's office said it was investigating "options to appropriately address Mr. Walker's situation while continuing to maintain the integrity of the review board's processes."

Alejandro Caffarelli, an attorney who specializes in employment law, said Walker would have little recourse if Quinn removed him from the board because as a political appointee he doesn't have the legal protections that a civil service employee would.

"There's no law that says you can't terminate someone because they don't show up for work," he said.

Current and former board members said they initially were pleased by Walker's appointment to the board, noting that his law enforcement and corrections experience would be helpful. Walker had once been sheriff of a county downstate. But his absences, they said, have shifted more work to them. They are frustrated, too, that the Quinn administration has failed to deal with the matter.

"It's not fair to be a burden on taxpayers when you're not doing anything," said one current member, who like others spoke on condition of anonymity for fear of angering the Quinn administration and losing his appointment. "We're being stretched real thin down here. I understand that he's sick, but the system tolerates it."

Bell's Palsy and the Blues

2010-11-09T09:16:00.000-06:00

Friday evening my husbands smile seemed a little slanted to the left side. It was very minor and we did not worry about it. By Saturday his whole left side was drooping. He could not blink or close his left eye too well. His speech became difficult as only half of his mouth was moving. We were very worried. He had a scheduled visit for Wednesday to see his Doctor. A wonderful man who is charging us very little until we have insurance again. I called his Doctor and told him about what was going on. The Doctor told me to get him to the hospital right away. He had me do a few tests over the phone and the Doctor felt it was Bell's Palsy but my husband still needed to see a Doctor immediately. Our Doctor told us to go to Cook County even though we live, literally 2 blocks from the hospital we see our Doctor at. He even told me if we went to the hospital by the house it could cost us thousands.

We went to Cook County Hospital where they confirmed Bell's Palsy. My poor husband who has always been the take charge man was letting me take care of him and get him to the hospital and be the take charge of the situation. The Bell's Palsy (which I will describe below) will now leave his face paralyzed for 3-6 months. Our hopes of continued job hunting are now up in smoke. My husband can barely speak. There is no way we can have him go to interviews.

Yesterday I had to take him to the eye Doctor because of the incredible pain in his eye due to the paralysis. That was $75 for the visit and the Doctor was kind enough to give us samples rather than writing a prescription. He told my husband that his Bell's Palsy was pretty severe.

No money, no means of looking for a job and now my Doctor called me and left a message on Friday saying that she has some test results from me that were very concerning. My last test were taken in June before I lost my insurance. I remember getting blood drawn and not seeing the Doctor again because I could not afford the visit. I am so beyond tired. There is just a constant barrage of insanity dumped on me. I seriously do not know how much more I can stand. I cannot call until tomorrow for my Doctor. She does not have office hours on Tuesday. Meanwhile, I am still unemployed, have no resources and a family that I have told my situation to but seem to have more pressing things to worry about. I understand my aunt who is going through cancer treatment and her family are pre-occupied. But I have 10 aunts and uncles and not one has offered to help me or check in on me. I am really on my way to an early grave.

Bell's Palsy

Bell's palsy is a form of temporary facial paralysis resulting from damage or trauma to the facial nerves. The facial nerve-also called the 7th cranial nerve-travels through a narrow, bony canal (called the Fallopian canal) in the skull, beneath the ear, to the muscles on each side of the face. For most of its journey, the nerve is encased in this bony shell.

Each facial nerve directs the muscles on one side of the face, including those that control eye blinking and closing, and facial expressions such as smiling and frowning. Additionally, the facial nerve carries nerve impulses to the lacrimal or tear glands, the saliva glands, and the muscles of a small bone in the middle of the ear called the stapes. The facial nerve also transmits taste sensations from the tongue.
When Bell's palsy occurs, the function of the facial nerve is disrupted, causing an interruption in the messages the brain sends to the facial muscles. This interruption results in facial weakness or paralysis.

Bell's palsy is named for Sir Charles Bell, a 19th century Scottish surgeon who was the first to describe the condition. The disorder, which is not related to stroke, is the most common cause of facial paralysis. Generally, Bell's palsy affects only one of the paired facial nerves and one side of the face, however, in rare cases, it can affect both sides.

Symptoms of Bell's palsy can vary from person to person and range in severity from mild weakness to total paralysis. These symptoms may include twitching, weakness, or paralysis on one or rarely both sides of the face. Other symptoms may include drooping of the eyelid and corner of the mouth, drooling, dryness of the eye or mouth, impairment of taste, and excessive tearing in one eye. Most often these symptoms, which usually begin suddenly and reach their peak within 48 hours, lead to significant facial distortion.
Other symptoms may include pain or discomfort around the jaw and behind the ear, ringing in one or both ears, headache, loss of taste, hypersensitivity to sound on the affected side, impaired speech, dizziness, and difficulty eating or drinking.

Bell's palsy occurs when the nerve that controls the facial muscles is swollen, inflamed, or compressed, resulting in facial weakness or paralysis. Exactly what causes this damage, however, is unknown.

Many scientists believe that viral infections such as the virus the causes cold sore virus -- herpes simplex -- can cause the disorder. They believe that the facial nerve swells and becomes inflamed in reaction to the infection, causing pressure within the Fallopian canal and leading to ischemia (the restriction of blood and oxygen to the nerve cells). In some mild cases (where recovery is rapid), there is damage only to the myelin sheath of the nerve. The myelin sheath is the fatty covering-which acts as an insulator-on nerve fibers in the brain.

The disorder has also been associated with influenza or a flu-like illness, headaches, chronic middle ear infection, high blood pressure, diabetes, sarcoidosis, tumors, Lyme disease, and trauma such as skull fracture or facial injury.

The prognosis for individuals with Bell's palsy is generally very good.   The extent of nerve damage determines the extent                                  of recovery.  Improvement is gradual  and recovery times vary.  With or without treatment, most individuals  begin to get better                                  within 2 weeks after the initial onset  of symptoms and most recover completely, returning to normal function  within 3 to 6                                  months.  For some, however, the  symptoms may last longer.  In a few cases, the symptoms may never  completely disappear.  In                                  rare cases, the disorder may recur,  either on the same or the opposite side of the face.                                                              

My Starry Eyes

2010-11-06T08:14:00.018-06:00

I was driving this morning and had XRT on the radio. I laughed with joy as this song was played. I hadn't thought of or heard this song in almost 20 years! One thing is for sure, The Records, should have had more of a success here then they did. The song Starry Eyes is simplistically, complicatedly, wonderful. Thanks for the flashback of youth guys!

I tried linking the video from youtube, it was being difficult. Sorry. The premiere of the song took place in a shop window and was filmed. Before the MTV days or videos. It was great to see the crowd gathering for this oddity.

Starry Eyes-By The Records

While you were off in France, we were stranded in the British Isles.

Left to fall apart amongst your passports and your files.

We never asked for miracles, but they were our concern.

Did you really think we'd sit it out and wait for your return?

I don't want to argue. I ain't gonna budge.

Won't you take this number down before you call up the judge?

I don't want to argue. There's nothing to say.

Get me out of your starry eyes and be on your way!

While you were on the beach, were you dreaming all about your share?

Planning to invest it all to cover wear and tear?

We paid for all the phone calls. The money's off the shelf.

Don't you know that while you're gone away, I've got to help myself?

I don't want to argue. I ain't gonna budge.

Won't you take this number down before you call up the judge?

I don't want to argue. There's nothing to say.

Get me out of your starry eyes and be on your way!

While you were in the pool, we were meeting with the boys upstairs,

Talking to the money men, and carrying out affairs.

We had no time for cocktails, or working up a tan.

The boys have all been spoken to. The writ has hit the fan.

I don't want to argue. I ain't gonna budge.

Won't you take this number down before you call up the judge?

I don't want to argue. There's nothing to say.

Get me out of your starry eyes and be on your way

Amend the Illinois Constitution for what again?

2010-11-03T08:09:00.000-06:00

On my 18th Birthday I did three things:

Celebrate my Birthday
Get a tattoo
Register to vote

All three things on the list were forbidden to me growing up. Though I feel a sense of exhilaration for those three acts, done over 20 years ago, my most profound was registering to vote. I find it unbelievable that in a country like the USA so few people actually exercise this right. I was speaking to my son last night about voting yesterday and he informed me that on his 18th Birthday in a few months he will be registering to vote and getting a tattoo. I have always tried to instill a sense of social and civil responsibility in him. When I see what is happening to our country it makes me weep.

While I was voting yesterday there was a ballot initiative to vote on amending the Illinois Constitution. I had to reread the question twice. The question asked if we should amend the Constitution to have a Governor removed by special election. What a complete waste of taxpayers money. Of course the initiative was passed at about 70%. Just because you don't like a Governor or they are of the opposing party affiliation as you, you can now vote them out of office? That is silly. What do you do when you don't like an ELECTED Governor? Suck it up, wait out the four year term, and vote them out of office. This is now going to turn it into a circus sideshow. I just don't understand what happened to patience and dealing with something you do not like. Democrats in Illinois had Republican Governors for 24+ years in a row until Rod Blagovitch was elected. I am sure Democrats were not happy, but they sucked it up. Just like Republicans had to suck up having President Bill Clinton in office for 8 years. Guess what? Both Democrats and Republicans survived their own "ordeals". Life went on. Why now, do we need to have special elections? After only 4 years? I just don't get it.

Court Intrigue

2010-10-24T12:17:00.000-06:00

My Grandmother was brought back to the hospital yesterday. One of my aunts called me and I spent the late afternoon/early evening with my aunt and an uncle that showed up later. It was a very difficult day because of my Grandmothers condition. We were told that she needed a pace maker and that it was non-intrusive surgery. The time spent with my aunt and uncle was nice. It had been years since I spent any time with them. We were able to make my Grandmother feel good and loved.

Why then should I feel like I am dealing with Medici intrigue? When I got home my other uncle called me to see how my Grandmother was doing. All I know is that he is her son and that he loves her. I updated him about her situation. The next thing I know, my uncle who has power of attorney is calling me in the morning pissed off because I told the other uncle what was happening. I have been told my entire life that I am only a niece and that I cannot have any say. That is fine. If there are issues among my aunts and uncles, I am not in the loop. All I know is that my Grandmother is sick and if one of her children calls me concerned about her I let them know what is going on. I was only trying to do the right thing. For that I was berated and will probably be barred from contact yet again. There is so much high drama going on behind the scenes that I have no privy to. The only thing I know is right, is I love my Grandma. I want her to be happy and comfortable. The last thing I would ever want to cause is stress in her life. I will go back to being solitary. I am so use to it. I will fondly keep my childhood memories to myself and live, as I have lived, without support, caring, or concern from a family.

No Link Card for You

2010-10-14T16:24:00.000-06:00

I received my letter from DHS and was told that I make too much in unemployment, by $100 a month to be entitled to any food assistance. WTF am I suppose to do now? One unemployment check doesn't even cover rent. I thought I would have some food assistance so maybe I could pay my utilities too. I am so screwed.

The Toughest Grandma

2010-10-13T09:19:00.000-06:00

My Grandmother has been in the hospital for over two weeks, only two blocks from my house. I adore my Grandmother. She is the strongest toughest woman I know. My family did not tell me she was in the hospital for almost three days. Since I am unemployed I have been spending most days, all day long, with my Grandmother. What I can't understand is why I was the only one there most days. My Grandmother had twelve children. Excluding the one who passed away and the ones who live out of state, there should have been more people there. When my family is there the drama ensues. It is always about money, Grandma's money. My Grandfather managed to start a family just before he went off to WWII. When he returned he build a strong career as a carpenter and managed to feed and house all of his children. By the time my Grandfather passed away, through frugal savings he secured enough money for my Grandmother to have for the rest of her life and to have a little for each of his children.

My sweet Grandmother wants one thing, to live with family. She was married for 62 years and always had a house full of family. Now in her 85th year she is living alone in Assisted Living where she rarely wants to leave bed. When she does wake up long enough for visitors all she talks about is being done with life. She is so lonely. Living with family would make her happy. How is it that the one uncle who would take her in the family has a problem with? The rest of her children want her in a home. It breaks my heart. I rent a 3rd floor apartment and am unemployed. I would take my Grandmother in a heartbeat, for her, if I could. It breaks my heart to see everything as a dollar or cent thing. My Grandmother gave life to this family and the family cannot take care of her? Let's not forget, the money issue. They want to quibble over who is getting what of my Grandparents money. I told my Grandparents years ago (yes even 10 years ago they were fighting over my Grandparents money) that they should leave the money to research for Frontal Lobe Dementia or for Suicide Prevention. One to help prevent other families from feeling the pain as we did for the loss of our beloved Chris or to find more treatment possibilities for others as here is no real treatment for Charley right now. It would serve them all right. Of course, they are the children and parents will do all that they can for their children.

When I attempt to make a suggestion I am told that my voice does not count as I am only a niece and have no say. I am trying to be the voice for my Grandmother. I only hope that when I am old my son will remember how my Grandmothers family acted and treat me with a little more dignity.

Checklist for Overwhelming Depression and Despondency

2010-10-05T06:04:00.000-06:00

Checklist for overwhelming depression and despondency:

---Lose job, check

---Send out hundreds of resumes and have only a hand full of interviews that lead nowhere, check

---Wait at Food Stamp office twice for hours on end with no food stamps yet given, check

---Go to Food Pantry to receive food, check

---Have bill collectors calling everyday, check

---Pay $190 for one prescription because of no health insurance, check

---Applying and still waiting for MediCaid, check

---Find out your father was rushed to the hospital because of a post on his daughters Facebook asking her friends to pray for him, check

---Finding out your Grandmother (from your mother's side) has been in the hospital for 3 days, in serious condition, just down the street from where you live, but none of your aunts or uncles bothered to tell you until the "black sheep" uncle found out last night, check

---Weeping uncontrollably every morning wondering just how deep this hole will get and what the point is of going on, check

When someone is feeling hopeless about their situation, the last thing they should ever feel is last in peoples lives. I have always felt like a consolation prize, second class citizen, growing up. The way I was raised affected me throughout my adult life. My mothers family and my own mother treated me as an afterthought. When I met my father at the age of 30 I knew I would never have the father/daughter relationship with him that I dreamed of my whole life. I love my Dad. But when you get comments from his daughters about how you look like a distant cousin (I look more like him than any of his daughters), being called illegitimate by his youngest, being ignored as a nothing from his younger 2, and finding out he was in the hospital because of a posting asking friends to pray for him on his older daughters facebook, it solidifies my place and value in his families lives.

Now my Grandmother, who was like a mother to me, is in the hospital, only two blocks away, and no one called or told me. These aunts that told me they loved me. These relatives that cried buckets when Chris died have no compassion or love for me. I realize that one of my aunts is going through cancer treatment. She has more on her mind than anyone else. But the rest of my family knows about my situation and I have not received a single phone call to check in on me. My uncle Chester is the only one who calls to check in. He is in the same jobless situation I am in. He is the one who tells me when something happens in the family. I am at the lowest point in my life and friends and family are nowhere to be found.

My best friend called three weeks ago and wanted to take me out to tell me all about her trip and to give me a gift she was excited about. How do you explain to people that you don't want to be out? The only filmstrip on the projector in your brain is the ever expanding hole of hell that is your life? I can't sit and smile over a cup of coffee having small talk. How can I do that when I can't get through a meal without weeping? I feel like the homeless person that everyone passes and ignores. Who knows, maybe people are just waiting for this whole pesky poor thing ends in my life so I won't be so poor and pathetic. My days of plastic are over. I use to say every morning before I left for work that I was on. My days of being on are over. This has hurt me more than financially, it has hurt me spiritually. I always knew that the support system most people take for granted, I have never known. I do not know what a safety net is. If I loose this apartment and become homeless, there is no Mommy or Daddy's house to run to and live till I'm on my feet. I am all I have.

Food Pantries and Link Cards-Part 2

2010-09-25T13:42:00.000-06:00

I am lucky that I had enough of regular baking supplies and food stuffs to combine with the fruits and vegetables I received from the Lakeview Food Pantry. The bananas were VERY ripe as are most of the perishables. I was able to make a killer Banana Loaf using less than half a cup of brown sugar and will make a really nice stir fry with the veggies. The accounts are now down to $20 in the checking. I will get my unemployment on Wednesday which will be $85 less than the cost of my rent. I talk about insanity. My head is ready to explode.

I thought about donations. I really hate asking anyone for anything but I bit the bullet. I created a donation account. Who knows, maybe, just maybe I can make rent this month. I won't even think about the lovely letter from my student loans I got in the mail today. Having a roof over my families head is more important. The link to donate is on the right side of this blog. Wish me luck.

Food Pantries and Link Cards

2010-09-24T15:46:00.000-06:00

On a scale of 1 to 10 for days of humbling and defeat, today is a 100. This morning I had to get to the LINK office to have my interview for food stamps. After waiting in line for 2 hours I was told they would have to reschedule me. During my wait the woman standing next to me struck up a conversation. Come to find out she was also a displaced teacher. It was surreal to me to be standing in line for a hand out and discussing the impact of the film Schindler's List. Another woman stood beside us and began talking to us. She was an elderly lady who lived with her recently disabled son in Wrigleyville. She began explaining all of the different programs available out there. She mentioned a Food Pantry in Sheridan Park. I left the office in Wicker Park feeling horrible. I was ashamed and coming to full grips of what my situation truly is.

After stopping home I went to the Food Pantry. I waited there for two hours. While waiting I ran into the lady that suggested the pantry to me. It was like running into an acquaintance on the street while window shopping. As I sat there I became more and more despondent. How did my life end up this way? I am an educated woman who had a normal life doing a job she loved, teaching. Now I am the one collecting unemployment and food pantry items. At 41, this is not suppose to be my life. I weathered being a single mother of a new born going to school, working full time and never having a hand out. Now that I have the education, certification, and experience I should be at LEAST in the same place that I was when my son was born. I officially drained all that was once my savings to make my car payment today. I haven't paid my student loan for 2 months. I am sinking so fast I cannot take a breath.

The kicker is, CPS announced today that they will be paying bonuses to teachers that have brought up their students test scores in as they call them "hard to staff" school. What is a hard to staff school? One that has 98% of the student body that is low income. That is exactly what I was doing for the past 4 years teaching. This past year I raised the percentile points of my class by 12, which is HUGE.

Why oh why did I ever want to teach? I am in such horrible shape because of it. I had a job prior to teaching that I liked. I wanted to follow a dream which has become the biggest nightmare of my life.

It's funny, when you are on a downward spiral people scatter. I guess I understand. Who wants to be around a person who is in a constant state of depression and anxiousness? People have their own problems and lives to deal with. All I know is that I was once an educator who cared about her students and their lives. I was always the one who was there with packages of instant noodles for my high school kids when I knew they wouldn't have food at home. I can't tell how many times I have given my own lunch to my students when they were hungry. That's just what you do. Now it is me who is close to homelessness. I have never been as terrified as I am right now.

Too bad I can't have my own charity. That would be nice. I am always giving a dollar at the grocery store check out for some charity or another. It would sure be nice to have a charity of "Save the Displaced Teacher from Homelessness" that Dominicks or Jewel collects for.

Is it just me?: TPS Reports

2010-09-06T07:22:00.000-06:00

Is it just me?: TPS Reports: "When I was offered my first teaching position I had to leave behind a company, job, and most importantly an awesome boss in a technology com..."

Racial profiling?

2010-09-05T07:15:00.000-06:00

My sister came to visit me yesterday. She was so excited to go down Devon Avenue and visit the Indian shops. She has been doing Mehndi's (the art of practice of painting elaborate patterns on the skin with henna.) for a few years now at street festivals and is actually quite good. She has been ordering Sari's online as it is often difficult to find a good selection (if any) in Richmond. In addition to that she wanted to find fresh henna for her craft.

Though shopping for me is like visiting the dentist I was happy to spend time with her. Diwali (A major Hindu religious festival, honoring Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth. Held over the New Year according to the Vikrama calendar, it is marked by feasting, gifts, and the lighting of lamps.) is coming up so the area was alive with activity. The first shop we went into set the tone for me for the rest of the shopping experience. What involves me shopping with others is a lot of standing around and waiting for the other person. I am not a window shopper. As I have no money to spend the appeal of "looking around" is not there. I am not a shopper. The moment we walked into the bustling Sari shop one of the ladies who worked there was on us like glue. She literally stood within five feet of us the entire time we were at the shop.

Though the store was filled with customers, we were the only non-Indian customers. The rest of the customers were left to shop, sans hovering. It was so irritating! The kept pushing her to try on the shirt she was holding in her hand while she wanted to look a little more first. It was hot, stuffy, and rude in the store. My sister didn't even notice as she was so happy to be experiencing such a plethora of new and accessible items for her business and personal use.

I love the Indian culture and people. I have grown up in a very eclectic part of Chicago where I have had the pleasure of being within a few miles of the Indian stretch of Devon in West Ridge, the Korean market place in Albany Park, Vietnamese area of Uptown, the now former German area of Lincoln Square, the now former Greek area in Budlong Woods, the list goes on. Chicago is an amazing city where all cultures are represented and celebrated. One can be a world traveler without ever leaving the city.

Prior to this experience, I have found the Indian people to be so warm and welcoming. After this experience, it has proven that there are jerks in every walk of life. When I return to the area for my black tooth powder (so much easier than making it yourself), incense, or incredibly fresh spices, I will make sure to avoid that shop. The funny thing is, I have been wanting to purchase a Sari for years. Not the fancy dress up Sari's, but the everyday Sari's. I find them to be so beautiful and flattering. They actually had some nice items at reasonable prices. My dollars will go where I am not followed around the store with someone literally breathing down my neck.

Is it just me?: Quote of the day: 9/04/2010

2010-09-04T08:33:00.000-06:00

Is it just me?: Quote of the day: 9/04/2010: "'Everybody wants to be a cat. Because a cats the only Cat who knows where it's at.'-The Aristcats"

Is it just me?: Ya wanna sack fur it?

2010-09-04T08:32:00.000-06:00

Is it just me?: Ya wanna sack fur it?: "'Ya wanna sack fur it?'-Being from Chicago I had no idea what this Bagger was talking about. A sack is: 'a large bag of strong, coarsely wov..."

Frontal Lobe Dementia part 2

2010-08-31T09:32:00.000-06:00

There was such a demand for the frontal lobe dementia information I posted. It really did my heart good to see that there are other people out there struggling to get information on this subject.

As for the update on my uncle Charley, now 42, his conditions are deteriorating slowly. On good days he can work. As the emotional control part of his brain is shutting off, it is sometimes difficult for those closest to him. We love and support him.

Horrible job market

2010-08-30T07:04:00.000-06:00

This has been a horrible time to find a job. I have been going crazy looking for a job. I have given up the dream of teaching and have gone back to searching for jobs I've done before and also ones I am capable of doing. The latest craze among employers is to not even consider someone who doesn't already have a job. That is insane. People who already have jobs HAVE a JOB. The people unemployed are the ones really hurting for one. I am getting really scared about this job situation. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have student loans I was still paying off or a child entering his final year of high school. We could probably manage better. It seems every month I am deciding which bill can be paid late. Waiting for the final notice until sending in a payment. That has never been me. I was the one who had their bills paid on time and early. Now it's not even hand to mouth.

I have to just keep my mood positive that we can get through this. I have never felt so unsure about having a place to live or food on the table in my life. Even when I was working 2 or 3 minimum wage jobs in my youth. I am scared.

Semantics

2010-08-27T11:14:00.003-06:00

I never understood why, when people are going on next to no sleep, instead of going to bed, have a short fuse and argue about things that would not seem as severe without a good sleep. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a person who likes arguing. Heck, I don't even like to haggle over prices. All I desire is peace and tranquility. Some people who argue when fatigued seem to have a habit of using hurtful word choices like when something said by the other is an emotional fact they use the phrase "You contend to..." If you bring that to their attention that you are hurt over their words, they will tell you that you are arguing semantics. After they upset you they close the door and leave you to stew. Some days I think it is better to just stay in bed.

Senior year

2010-08-27T06:15:00.003-06:00

Yesterday my son registered for his senior year of high school. He insisted on registering himself so that he will know how to do it. Even though he went to every registration with me for the past 11 you would think he would have known. I realize it was an independence thing. He told me when I dropped him off "Mom, I need to know how to do this for when I get to college. This is my first time registering for myself." I replied, "But honey, this is the last time I will be able to register you." In the end of course I let him register himself.

As I drove away from the school, my heart was so heavy. This was my baby, the greatest love of my life, ready to explore the great unknown without me. His journey is just beginning. Our journey together is slowly ending. I want him to have a wonderful adult life. It just hurts to know that the closeness we have will change and then as he gets older, has his own family, will grow distant.

I would have never thought I would be here, in this role, mother. I still remember the months leading up to finding out I was pregnant. I was going to the gym six nights a week, working full time, going out to see bands and living a pretty selfish life. I had come to the conclusion that I would never have children. I liked my single life.

Flash forward to December 8th. I still remember it so vividly. When the doctor told me I was pregnant I cried for 3 hours. I was not in the early stages of pregnancy. I was a full 5 months pregnant. I was told on that day that my life was going to change in 4 short months.

My life changed in ways I could never imagine. He has been the best thing to ever happen to my life. I love that boy like I have never thought I could love. Now my baby is almost a man and will find adventure and life. I find myself looking at things that remind me of his younger self all of the time. We were at Target yesterday and I saw a tricycle that he would have loved at that age. He scoffed it off but I pictured that big eyed blond headed little boy staring up at me with happiness.

I am happy, grateful, and full of awe at this life that has been shared with me for the past 17 years.

Bonsoiree

2010-08-25T08:57:00.004-06:00

I am having dinner tonight at Bonsoiree. To be quite honest, it fills me with a bit of nervousness. For years I have wanted to join the DAR's but due to my lack of initiative, I have not. I suppose what has held me back is the fact that my parents were not married. I realize that times have changed, and that it is more socially acceptable. But I still come from a childhood filled with the word Bastard being used for it's original meaning against me. It was quite a stigma growing up, not to mention the double whammy of my mother being a lesbian. I have feared rejection of the organization that my grandfather and great-grandfather were affiliated with, the SAR's.

Membership into this organization is a big deal for me. I have loved my family's history. I have spent my adult life doing research on branches that have trailed off. I have been able to piece together my German ancestry to Illinois with the first birth of our German ancestors here when the state was only 21 years old.

I am meeting one of the ladies of the DAR's that I have developed a friendship with over the years. My fear is that of rejection into a society that my beloved Grandfather was a member of for 30 years. We are humble people with a minor history in this country, but to me it is as long and true as any Jefferson or Washington.

I know it sounds posh. It does have a posh factor. But that is not the reason for wanting this. It is for the family history. My Grandfather always told me that "You are born with only your name. It is your job to keep that name with honor and respect."

On a Roll

2010-08-24T18:40:00.002-06:00

It seems after a two year hiatus I am having difficulty not writing.

Now that the initial shock and sadness over the last two years has worn away I can again begin to focus on writing. I really miss teaching. I loved seeing faces that were glad to see me everyday. The trust a child has that you are a constant in their lives when madness is all around the rest of the city.

I just read in the Chicago Tribune yesterday that last month we had 303 shootings in the city. School was the one place these kids can go to that is stable, a constant. The teachers I had in school were fixtures. We expected and saw the same faces everyday. These poor kids today will not have the same luxury.

There are so many excellent Teachers that have been burned by a system that scapegoats teachers as bloodsucking leaches on taxpayers dime. It is so far from the truth. American schools are loosing a generation of Teachers that wanted to make a difference in the lives of children and the world.

Percentile Points

2010-08-24T18:33:00.003-06:00

It's funny, we were told all during the school year that we had to bring our student's ISAT percentile points up. I worked so hard with my Reading class and brought up my percentile points up, not the standard across the board 4 points but a whopping 12 percentile points. My CPS Teacher Report Card has me at 5 percentile points higher than the city's and yet I was told that my pedagogy was not to the curriculum of the school's.

Funny how my position (Did I mention I was just a few months away from being tenured?)was given to a favorite of the Principal who is not endorsed nor qualified to teach my subject. I really hate office politics. You work so hard to make something of your life. Over come obstacles just to be shown the door.

2 Years???

2010-08-24T16:17:00.003-06:00

Has it really been 2 years since my last post? It seems like an eternity. It was difficult posting during those years teaching on the southside as much of my time was filled with travel.

As of June 18th this year I seem to have an abundance of free time. Chicago laid off hundreds of teachers at the end of this past school year, I was one of them. I went from having a job I loved doing, health insurance, security for my family and a real chance at possibly owning my own home for the first time to unemployment, figuring out which bill I have to pay this month and which one I can put off to be sure to make rent this month.

I have worked full time since the age of 15. Often working 2 jobs at a time. This is the first time in 25 years I have not had at least one job. It is very frightening. I really wanted this last year of high school to be a good one for the boy. Filled with excitement, not anxiety.

Funny, I had just begun a savings program of my own at the beginning of this year. I was putting away into savings $150 a paycheck and $50 a paycheck into the boys saving account. It is that money we have been living off of. Funny, that was going to be the down payment money for a home of our own.

What a horrible time to be a teacher. God forbid if you are a new teacher in the city of Chicago.

My kid rocks!

2008-11-02T08:06:00.001-06:00

My kid rocks! He decided to join the debate team this year at school. Yesterday and Friday were the first tournaments of the year for Chicago Public Schools. His school had 2 teams of 2 for the Junior Varsity section. His school walked away with 1st and 2nd place. My wonderful son walked away with 2nd place speaker! I went on Friday after work to see the first rounds but yesterday the kid was there all day from 7 am to when he came home at 8:30 pm. It was a long day but so worth it to him.

As he gets older he is such a marvel to me. We have always had a pretty close bond. The young man he is growing into makes me proud and more importantly, happy that he is someone I love being around. He is so incredibly intelligent and not afraid to use it. He marches to his own drum and could care less about fashion or fitting in. You can tell that he will become more intellectually stimulated once he begins university. High School is almost half over and his true intellectual exploration can begin.

Though he is way smarter than I was at that age, he and I are so much alike it is scary. I could not have asked for a better kid. I am just happy that he is mine.

Cheating is no big deal???

2008-10-30T17:17:00.002-06:00

I've finally finished administering the Illinois State Constitution Exam this week. (A requirement to graduate 8th grade and move on to high school. Federal was administered in 7th grade) For all 4 sections I caught 8 cheaters. What really bothers me is how little the humility and shame was. I had one student ask right after I took away his cheat sheet, so when can I re-test? Anther girl was caught with several numbers written in her hand. When I asked her what they were she said she didn't know. So I proceeded to tell her all of the questions that the answers reflected. She actually wanted to argue with me and tell me she was taking notes during study group right before my class (even though she has Language Arts and the teacher would never allow a cram session during her class) and forgot the numbers were there. She thought the louder she got with me the less likely I would be to call her mother. Well, all of the cheaters got in school suspension and a zero for the test (worth 30% of their quarter grade). They will be able to retest next quarter.

At least the weather is beautiful. We have had 50 degree days and 30 degree nights. I am in heaven. I love fall and winter!

Welcome to Albany Park

2008-09-14T11:04:00.005-06:00

I've also included the expressway that runs along the technology company my husband works for. This underpass is the exit you would take to get to his company.

Thought I'd share some photos from my neighborhood. I usually love living by the north branch of the Chicago River. This weekend is not one of those times. I am very lucky our building is on higher ground but the flooding has been so bad they have evacuated several blocks in my neighborhood. We exceeded rain fall, making records. We haven't seen this much rain since 1987, 21 years ago! We have a big leak in the ceiling of my son's room and the rain won't stop till tomorrow.

This is Foster Avenue! It was closed down yesterday! Foster is one of the busiest streets on the northside.

Keep your fingers crossed we won't have to evacuate!

I know I've always said I love the rain, but this is going a little overboard.

Counting the days

2008-09-06T18:35:00.002-06:00

Things are much better than they were a week ago. My Grandmother is adjusting to her new facility. She seems smaller and more lost without my Grandfather but the facility is much better than the last place.

We have our reviews in two weeks. Our Principal wants to see us in action during Reading. I really wish it were during Social Science, my subject, but she wants to see Reading. After the review, we have our wonderful Fall break. Two whole weeks of recuperation.

Open House is next week and the Constitution Test is still a month worth of work away. I really need these kids to be ready soon. Or that parent will be breathing down my neck again. I may just test his son early. If I do, I have already stated to parents I am not doing re-tests for students who pass. Only for the students who have failed.

Nothing worse than a cold just as the weather gets cooler. I rarely get sick and this weekend I have been in bed with sinus congestion and a head flu. Hopefully the NyQuil will work it's magic by Monday.

A Day From Hell

2008-08-30T07:17:00.002-06:00

Maybe it's because I am upset about putting my Grandmother in a facility this week because of her dementia, or maybe it is because the 1.5 hour drive everyday for the past year in bumper to bumper on the LSD (Lake Shore Drive) is burning me out, or the mountains of extra paperwork that no other CPS school does, or maybe it is just the heat in the school all summer long, but yesterday was my snapping day.

I was already not feeling the greatest because of my Grandmother and the family drama that is always a part of a large family (but that is for another posting) and wondering why I did not take a mental health day. As I was walking back to my classroom (on the 3rd floor) I saw 4 8th grade girls in the hallway. There should have been no students in the building (unless with a teacher) as it was lunch and recess time. I asked the girls where they were suppose to be and they took off running. These girls are in my class from hell 3 days a week. I took off after them. They got as far as the second floor landing and hid. I got them, brought them to the Math teacher, where they were suppose to be. I was really pissed. I told the Math teacher what happened. The girls started to protest and attempt to argue with me. I told them that I do not argue with children and to be quiet. As I attempted to continue talking to the Math teacher (my lunch now cold, still in my hands) the girls thought it would be a good idea to continue to get loud with me. I finally told the girl arguing the most to shut up. I HATE saying shut up. I think it is degrading and mean. I don't tell my son to shut up. He is 15 and could probably count on one hand me telling him to shut up. These girls were banned from lunch in the Math teachers room. I felt so crappy after that.

Flash forward to my second period after lunch. The one Special Ed boy who should be in a self-contained classroom was at his usual antics. From talking non-stop in line. It took 15 minutes before he would be quiet long enough for me to let them in for a quiz. As the class was taking the quiz he was quiet for all of 5 minutes then began making noise, talking loud to people and finally called another student a prick very loudly. That was my breaking point. I told him that language is not acceptable in the classroom. He wanted to start arguing with me that he said brick. (Oldest trick in the book, using another word that sounds like the curse word.) He would not stop talking, arguing, causing disruption, and I had enough. I usually have to keep this student with me for every class his homeroom has with me. I couldn't deal with the disrespect so I sent him to the Special Ed teacher. He wanted to argue with me some more and I told him to get the hell out of my classroom.

I hate that those types of things work with these students. I hate being mean. I hate getting angry. But when I have parents that I call regarding behavior get angry with you for calling about their kid talking too much or their sons making sure when they sit down that the waist of their pants in halfway down their leg and you have to constantly tell them to pull up their pants. It is so frustrating. There are only so many write-ups and phone calls that are not backed up with any real action in the office that you can take. Sure, the office will tell you to give detention in your classroom during lunch and recess, giving up your lunch to be in a room full of students who have the worst behavior in the class. It was just too much yesterday.

I am just so happy it is a 3 day weekend. I really need to just stay in bed.

This is England

2008-08-24T13:28:00.002-06:00

I can't talk about school right now or I will go completely mad. I will post after Tuesday and the parent-teacher conference from HELL. It will be one of those make or break me's. The parent in question became verbally abusive to me during open house as I was presenting. It was so nasty and embarrassing that I could scream. All because his son got a 79% on his Federal Constitution Exam and he wanted his son to re-take it. As I had explained to him last year his son could re-take it AFTER all of the students who failed it had re-tested and passed. The grade does not even show up on the permanent record, only a pass/fail option. This man was so nasty to me even other parents were shocked. I teach in a 100% African-American school and have never had any issues with my color. But after this parents performance I can only conclude it was racially based. I am one of 5 white teachers in the school and the only one in the upper grades beyond 4th grade. I love my students and almost all of the parents I have met and conferenced with focus on their childrens' needs and recognize that I am there to aid in their child's success. This man spat words at me and kissed the butt of every other teacher. Anyone who has ever met me or seen me teach knows the type of person I am. I am the classroom mother type. I had one of my girls write me a letter telling me I was the first teacher who ever listened to her and that she thought of as a second mother. I have had parents e-mail me and tell me that they were so happy that I was their child's homeroom teacher again this year because of the positive influence I have on their child. It makes me so sad to think that children have such negative influences at home. The funny thing is, this man's son is an A student who is always respectful and trust-worthy. I will update with the meeting after Tuesday. I have no idea why he would want a meeting. Perhaps because I refused to give a set in stone date for the Illinois Constitution test. I informed the parents of the week I would like to give it but will not set the date until I see how the students are doing with the materials first. They may need more time. Not to mention the study groups I give for two weeks before the test. They have to be ready before I can set a date. He was really angry with me because I would not commit to a date. I gave a projected week. The first time I met this father was when his son passed the Federal exam last year. He came in yelling and screaming at me because a C is not acceptable in his house. He was so abusive to me that time that other teachers had to come into the room and stand beside for support. He was nice to them and yelled at me again because his son passed but not with a grade he wanted from him. The Assistant Principal had to come and lead him out of the school the first time. Lord knows how or what will set him off this time. I only hope there is enough room between him and the door. Because I will not be treated that way again. The last time was in a public forum. I will not allow myself to be verbally abused again. The only person who has any right to yell at me is my Grandmother. And she hasn't done that in years.

So, with all of that poison out of my system I will just briefly say, I LOVED the film This is England! The director really capture the spirit of the 80's and the skinhead movement. I was not a skinhead but have friends that were punks and skinheads. The story was about the two types of skinheads. The ones who dressed and listened to the music and the ones who took it to the extreme and later would become the neo-nazi skinheads. Caught up in the middle of the two movements was a young boy. It was such a touching and well laid out film that I bought it right away for my collection. It's a tough watch at times but well worth the few scenes you may have to cover your eyes for.

First Day Of School On Monday

2008-08-02T08:50:00.003-06:00

Our first day of school is on Monday. We've been having a bit of a heat wave here in Chicago. Well, I just read the forecast for Monday. We are to have a record temp of 98 degrees. With the humidity, temps will be about 105. Our school does not have AC. All the classrooms on the 3rd floor have a window unit which barely works. I was at school these past few days. With just me in the room it was still uncomfortable. The AC will be useless with 30+ students and myself.

I am so not a summer or heat person. I live for fall and winter. I'd rather have 10 feet of snow then a hot and humid day. It's funny, when I drove home yesterday, it was miserable when I left the school. By the time I got to the northside it felt 10 degrees cooler. Just hope I can make it through August.

I have no idea how many students will actually be in school on Monday. This is the first year of track E. I think a lot of students are going to wait till the rest of CPS goes back, on September 4th, to actually show up. If I were a parent at that school, I would not want my child to endure the heat. How could they get any learning done when they are melting?

Wish me luck.

Why so much hate?-Part 3

2008-07-23T05:33:00.003-06:00

It seems Mr. Slappy continues to get volleyed about. The Vegas Art Guy (http://laurichg.blogspot.com/) give him a bit of whats for. (Also should add, Vegas Art Guy is a blog worth reading. Thanks VAG).

Vegas Art Guy:
Mr. Slappy, it's obvious you have no idea what you're talking about. As much fun as it is for people like you to bang on teachers for all the ills of society, maybe you should try living in the real world. I checked the pay salary for the area I live in and IF you have a PHd and have taught for many many years you could earn a total of $70000. Secondly, until you've taught in an at risk school, you really have no clue on the difficulty involved. Go teach or substitute teach for a while then come back and tell us how easy it is to teach. We'll be waiting with breathless anticipation for your pearls of wisdom.

Mr. Slappy is obviously someone who is either, into a bit of the S&M or has such a miserable life he has to make those around him miserable. The people I feel most sorry for are his wife and children to have to deal with this idiot on an ongoing basis.

I'm still trying to wash the toxic poison of this person off of me.

Why so much hate-Part 2

2008-07-22T06:20:00.002-06:00

Continuing the saga. I had to go to school, UNPAID, to setup my classroom and do a meet and greet with parents yesterday afternoon/evening. I spent 5 hours at the school. Time that I was not paid for but did willingly. I am kind of glad that I didn't continue with this. Mr. Slappy is an idiot who is the most social and civilly uneducated person I have read in a while. A few others joined in:

Saluki Rod:
Ms, I salute all who chose to become teachers and stayed in the field. You have chosen to work in one of the most challenging school districts in the country, and you in particular I salute as well.

Also, to all who have morphed this topic into a "we want more school days" rant, that wasn't in the article. The issue is the way the vacation is distributed, not the amount of the vacation.

Ms Teacher wrote:

Looking at your district I now see where you are coming from. a diverse population that is 78% white, 100% of your teachers are white, and the average salary for your teachers is a shocking $15K above CPS.(From your districts figures). And, yes, I am white.
Yes we teacher have so much money to burn. Tell that to my 30K in loans to become a teacher, that I am still paying off. As for the part-time crack, you obviously have NO idea what goes into teaching. We may only be PAID to be in the school for 6 1/2 hours but the average day is FAR from over when the students leave the building. Between developing lesson plans and grading papers, that 6 1/5 hour day is more like a 10 hour day.
We do it because we love it. I can't believe you seriously believe what you say. Or else you have no idea what it takes to become and be a teacher. You should leave teaching to the professionals, since you obviously have no idea what a teacher does.
Life in the city is FAR different than the cocoon of the suburbs. Be care when casting stones, some of us are not as cushioned as others. If a high school drop out, or student on the edge of dropping out, can get a GED and go on to getting a university degree, my job is SO worth it. Trying to make a difference in a students' life is not something to put down.

Ms Teacher wrote:

Wow, so much for compassion or belief in the human race in general. I work, as you say, "in the hood". One thing I do know, children are children, where ever they may live. They all need the same things, love, safety, and mental stimulation. Shame on you for stereotyping. I would gladly take, "my little darlings" to the close mindedness of you.
No system is perfect. No PERSON is perfect. What the focus should be on is what is best for the next generation of American leaders, namely, these little darlings.

Stirs controversy:
Completely agree. My friends and I are all products of Chicago Public Schools and have all graduated from stellar 4-yr universities. 7 of us are engineers, 3 are in law school, 2 are finishing med school, and the rest range from an entrepreneur, to public health advocate. It all comes down to the teachers, the parents, and the student. I know many people who are products of private schools that are major dingbacks (I guess their parents thought it'd be easiest to throw money at the problem of unmotivation).

Anywho, that whole "let kids be kids" mentality is a viewof the lazy. Other countries have kids in school all year-round and still have plenty of "family time" as family is the priority. U.S needs to get onboard.

Mr. Slappy:

Ms Teacher wrote:

Looking at your district I now see where you are coming from. a diverse population that is 78% white, 100% of your teachers are white, and the average salary for your teachers is a shocking $15K above CPS.(From your districts figures). And, yes, I am white.
Yes we teacher have so much money to burn. Tell that to my 30K in loans to become a teacher, that I am still paying off. As for the part-time crack, you obviously have NO idea what goes into teaching. We may only be PAID to be in the school for 6 1/2 hours but the average day is FAR from over when the students leave the building. Between developing lesson plans and grading papers, that 6 1/5 hour day is more like a 10 hour day.
We do it because we love it. I can't believe you seriously believe what you say. Or else you have no idea what it takes to become and be a teacher. You should leave teaching to the professionals, since you obviously have no idea what a teacher does.
Life in the city is FAR different than the cocoon of the suburbs. Be care when casting stones, some of us are not as cushioned as others. If a high school drop out, or student on the edge of dropping out, can get a GED and go on to getting a university degree, my job is SO worth it. Trying to make a difference in a students' life is not something to put down.

Okay its time to teach Ms Teacher. My ISP location may show up as Bloomingdale however that information shows where my provider's server is. But thank you for your research on Bloomingdale, sounds like a nice place.

My son's kindergarten teacher retired last year. Her salary for teaching my son the year before,$102,000. Lots of homework to grade and lesson plans to develop; sandbox, crayons, nap, recess.
Her pension is currently $73,000 a year. In 7 years her pension will increase to $86,000 with a 3% yearly raise after that. In 15 years she will be hauling in $109,000 a year and have removed $1,315,000 from the pension fund.

So stick with it Ms Teacher. Your $30,000 loan will be chump change in a few years and you will still be working a part-time job sitting around all summer.

badger fan:

All right Mr. Slappy. Those salaries are rarely paid out to teachers for quite a few reasons. 1. Teachers rarely last long enough in their profession (due to lack of pay, long hours, etc) to get to that level. 2. Most districts nationwide do not pay their teachers that much.

I checked with my district (yes, I am a teacher) and found that if I choose to work for another 35 years (I'm currently 30) I will be making close to $68,000 a year (not counting for inflation). So in my district, someone with 35 years in (and a Master's degree) is making $68,000 a year. Right now, I make about $31,000, for those of you who are wondering. With a Master's degree.

You want to talk time? I get to work by 7:00 every day. I leave around 4:30 (hoping to beat the traffic home). That's on a day when I don't have any extra-curricular committments. On those days, when I'm chaperoning a dance or selling tickets at a game I'll arrive home after 10:00 or sometimes midnight. Then I get up and do it again the next day. I also bring work home with me - I've got plenty of papers to grade. I sometimes spend my Saturdays and Sundays working on lesson plans for the next unit. And my winter and spring breaks? Those are used to catch up on all the work that students turn in right before they leave.

This summer, I taught summer school for two weeks (getting paid about $17.00 an hour - I make more bartending). And next week, I'll be at school 3 days working on a project with other teachers. Do I get paid more to go? No.

On a whim, I went back through my calendar and looked at all the days I stayed late at school. I counted up the hours. I then added 4 hours a week of "extra work time at home" to the total number of hours. I added it all together and divided by 52. I came up with about 56.8 hours a week. Hmmmmm. Do you see why we need summer breaks?

By the way - in order for me to buy a condo, I had to get a part-time job teaching at the local junior college during the school year AND get a bartending job in the summer. No - I didn't get one with a lake-view. I'm in a diverse neighborhood, on the south side of Madison (which for a single, white woman is not the greatest place to live).

So get over yourself already. I'll take a 9-5 business day (my kids would be awake when they got there - read up on teen sleep research, they're worth almost nothing before 9:00 and we get them at 7:30) with martini lunches (to deal with the bureaucratic tests we administer and the parents who have no part in their child's life) and bonuses for performance (for kids who graduate - all of mine did last year, a feat for teaching at an alternative school for at-risk students).

You, Mr. Slappy, obviously have no idea what you are talking about. Kudos to your son's kindergarten teacher. I can only imagine the crap she had to put up with dealing with you. She deserves every cent she got.

Mr Slappy wrote:

Okay its time to teach Ms Teacher. My ISP location may show up as Bloomingdale however that information shows where my provider's server is. But thank you for your research on Bloomingdale, sounds like a nice place.
My son's kindergarten teacher retired last year. Her salary for teaching my son the year before,$102,000. Lots of homework to grade and lesson plans to develop; sandbox, crayons, nap, recess.
Her pension is currently $73,000 a year. In 7 years her pension will increase to $86,000 with a 3% yearly raise after that. In 15 years she will be hauling in $109,000 a year and have removed $1,315,000 from the pension fund.
So stick with it Ms Teacher. Your $30,000 loan will be chump change in a few years and you will still be working a part-time job sitting around all summer.

(This is the last post I wrote before leaving for school)
Ms. Teacher:

Mr Slappy wrote:

Okay its time to teach Ms Teacher. My ISP location may show up as Bloomingdale however that information shows where my provider's server is. But thank you for your research on Bloomingdale, sounds like a nice place.
My son's kindergarten teacher retired last year. Her salary for teaching my son the year before,$102,000. Lots of homework to grade and lesson plans to develop; sandbox, crayons, nap, recess.
Her pension is currently $73,000 a year. In 7 years her pension will increase to $86,000 with a 3% yearly raise after that. In 15 years she will be hauling in $109,000 a year and have removed $1,315,000 from the pension fund.
So stick with it Ms Teacher. Your $30,000 loan will be chump change in a few years and you will still be working a part-time job sitting around all summer.

You are a very sad man who should be pitied. If you honestly believe that ALL your sons Kindergarten Teacher does is nap, recess, sandbox, etc. There is so much more to being a teacher. A Teacher observes and facilitates a child's well-rounded development. An INVOLVED parent would know this.

As for her salary, it again proves the economic area in which you live. If I say nothing else regarding money, Teachers are not in it for the money, benefits, etc. I left corporate USA BECAUSE I LOVE TEACHING. I took a huge salary cut, time with my own child and husband, weekends, all so I could make a difference in the lives of children who are not as fortunate as others. To some of these kids I am the only mother figure they have.

Shame on you for turning it all into dollars and cents. Not everything in life is about the almighty dollar. At the end of my life I will sure feel good about all that I have brought to my students rather than if a stock price rose or fell.

The only thing you have taught me is that ignorance and elitism seem to go hand in hand. I'll continue going to "the hood" as you call it and continue to feel good about the students I have helped. You can go back to counting your money and living in your plastic bubble where "those little darlings" live far far away from you.

Mr. Slappy:

badger fan wrote:

All right Mr. Slappy. Those salaries are rarely paid out to teachers for quite a few reasons. 1. Teachers rarely last long enough in their profession (due to lack of pay, long hours, etc) to get to that level. 2. Most districts nationwide do not pay their teachers that much.
I checked with my district (yes, I am a teacher) and found that if I choose to work for another 35 years (I'm currently 30) I will be making close to $68,000 a year (not counting for inflation). So in my district, someone with 35 years in (and a Master's degree) is making $68,000 a year. Right now, I make about $31,000, for those of you who are wondering. With a Master's degree.
You want to talk time? I get to work by 7:00 every day. I leave around 4:30 (hoping to beat the traffic home). That's on a day when I don't have any extra-curricular committments. On those days, when I'm chaperoning a dance or selling tickets at a game I'll arrive home after 10:00 or sometimes midnight. Then I get up and do it again the next day. I also bring work home with me - I've got plenty of papers to grade. I sometimes spend my Saturdays and Sundays working on lesson plans for the next unit. And my winter and spring breaks? Those are used to catch up on all the work that students turn in right before they leave.
This summer, I taught summer school for two weeks (getting paid about $17.00 an hour - I make more bartending). And next week, I'll be at school 3 days working on a project with other teachers. Do I get paid more to go? No.
On a whim, I went back through my calendar and looked at all the days I stayed late at school. I counted up the hours. I then added 4 hours a week of "extra work time at home" to the total number of hours. I added it all together and divided by 52. I came up with about 56.8 hours a week. Hmmmmm. Do you see why we need summer breaks?
By the way - in order for me to buy a condo, I had to get a part-time job teaching at the local junior college during the school year AND get a bartending job in the summer. No - I didn't get one with a lake-view. I'm in a diverse neighborhood, on the south side of Madison (which for a single, white woman is not the greatest place to live).
So get over yourself already. I'll take a 9-5 business day (my kids would be awake when they got there - read up on teen sleep research, they're worth almost nothing before 9:00 and we get them at 7:30) with martini lunches (to deal with the bureaucratic tests we administer and the parents who have no part in their child's life) and bonuses for performance (for kids who graduate - all of mine did last year, a feat for teaching at an alternative school for at-risk students).
You, Mr. Slappy, obviously have no idea what you are talking about. Kudos to your son's kindergarten teacher. I can only imagine the crap she had to put up with dealing with you. She deserves every cent she got.

Nice rant. If you stay in Hooterville for 20 more years your $68,000 will double to $136,000 @ 3%. Not bad money for an area with a low cost of living. If that isn't enough move to Chicago and a better paying district.

By the way, there are millions of us working 60 hours or more a week and we DON'T get a summer break. Quit your whining and you could get your papers graded faster.

Stella:

Mr Slappy wrote:

With a dropout rate of almost half you aren't even close to mediocre. Maybe if taxpayers didn't have to contribute so much to your pension, benefits and inflated salary for a part-time job we could "focus" the money on the student.

I am not a teacher but I am a parent of 2 teenagers.
Why are you attacking this person just because they are a teacher. First of all I believe that teaching is a state job so teachers don't collect social security like most people they collect a pension. Teaching is almost becoming a dangerous job -- every day teachers risk their lives whether they teach in the "hood" or the most elite of suburbs. Teachers today have to put up with a lot of crap from kids and when they try to talk with the parents most parents are in denial -- Not my little johnny or suzy - is the standard response. Parents need to take more responsibility for their children and their actions.
In regards to LW the dad should have held the kid back until the teacher finished changing and then let the kid go say hi -- these parents are probably typical parents who will deny that their son ever does anything wrong -- The parents made more of an issue out of this than need be --

KTR:

Mr Slappy wrote:

Nice rant. If you stay in Hooterville for 20 more years your $68,000 will double to $136,000 @ 3%. Not bad money for an area with a low cost of living. If that isn't enough move to Chicago and a better paying district.
By the way, there are millions of us working 60 hours or more a week and we DON'T get a summer break. Quit your whining and you could get your papers graded faster.

You DO get a summer break (hmm, even fall, winter, and spring) from your company ... you, my friend, CHOOSE not to take it. NEVER complain about a teacher's schedule...

Mr. Slappy:

stella wrote:

I am not a teacher but I am a parent of 2 teenagers.
Why are you attacking this person just because they are a teacher. First of all I believe that teaching is a state job so teachers don't collect social security like most people they collect a pension. Teaching is almost becoming a dangerous job -- every day teachers risk their lives whether they teach in the "hood" or the most elite of suburbs. Teachers today have to put up with a lot of crap from kids and when they try to talk with the parents most parents are in denial -- Not my little johnny or suzy - is the standard response. Parents need to take more responsibility for their children and their actions.
In regards to LW the dad should have held the kid back until the teacher finished changing and then let the kid go say hi -- these parents are probably typical parents who will deny that their son ever does anything wrong -- The parents made more of an issue out of this than need be --

I suppose you make $100,000+ teaching kindergarten.

Mr. Slappy:

KTR wrote:

You DO get a summer break (hmm, even fall, winter, and spring) from your company ... you, my friend, CHOOSE not to take it. NEVER complain about a teacher's schedule...

What are you babbling about breaks? If I want to complain about teacher's getting a 2 1/2 month vacation in the summer plus breaks in winter and spring the First Amendment allows me to. Never got past 8th grade yourself eh?

It seems Mr. Slappy just wanted to attack everybody. I am glad I went to school and did something productive rather than listening to the rantings of an idiot. I was able to see my students and how much they have grown over the summer, meet parents I had not met before and had a really good time.

Why so much hate?

2008-07-21T09:20:00.002-06:00

I read an article in the Chicago Tribune this morning about summers getting shorter for students. I am going to cut and paste an argument I got into with a poster. It started off very innocently. I am not an argumentative person by nature, but this guy really chapped my hide.

Here is the article:

Back-to-school sales already? Classes starting too soon, some say

Some can't believe how soon the new year starts

By Jo Napolitano, Bonnie Miller Rubin and Megan Twohey |Chicago Tribune reporters

11:36 PM CDT, July 20, 2008

Kathleen Durkin-Mirabella was shopping for shoes with her three young daughters on a steamy mid-July day that in another era would have been spent searching for sandals or beach clogs.

Instead, the Frankfort mom perused back-to-school styles as her girls prepare for classes on Aug. 20.

"It's just way too early," said Durkin-Mirabella, a teacher, as she pushed a cart at a Target store in Tinley Park. "It's like we've barely had a summer."

Educators, under pressure to boost academic performance and prepare students for standardized tests, have pushed for mid-August start dates, wreaking havoc on everything from seasonal businesses to family vacations.

It's a full-throttle effort helped along by retailers eager to peddle school gear as soon as they're able.

Proponents say an early start provides numerous academic benefits, in some cases allowing students to finish up final exams before Christmas break. A majority of Illinois schools start in the last two weeks of August, according to the State Board of Education.

But the shifting summer break—and the inevitable cramped schedules—has created a nationwide backlash.

A grass-roots movement called Save Our Summers has gained momentum in recent years, and six states—Alabama, Iowa, Michigan, Minnesota, South Dakota and Virginia—have passed laws that say classes can begin no earlier than Sept. 1. State Board of Education officials say they are unaware of any similar legislation in Illinois.

Sherry Sturner, from the Florida chapter of Save Our Summers, said snipping away at summer leaves no time for families to get together. "There is a whole bunch of stuff kids need to learn in life that is not related to school, from camp to getting to see family," she said.

Like swimming, crafts and roasting hot dogs over a fire. The American Camping Association felt the trend so threatened an American institution that it issued a position paper earlier this year, concluding that "providing these experimental learning opportunities for our youth becomes a challenge when an ever-creeping school calendar" encroaches on summer.

Dan Bertrand, superintendent of Marengo Community High School District 154, 16 miles west of Crystal Lake, said he wants to ensure students complete their first semester before Christmas, and that means starting earlier.

He'd have a mutiny on his hands if he switched to a later date, said Bertrand, whose students will report to class Aug. 13.

The superintendent said he thought it was "ridiculous" for students to go on a long vacation over Christmas and then have to spend a week preparing for exams that should have been administered closer to the time they learned the course material.

"Pretty much everybody likes it except the football coach," Bertrand said of the early start.

Freshmen at Orland Park Consolidated High School District 230 will start school Aug. 15. All other grades are scheduled to show up three days later.

Keith Pain, superintendent of Summit Hill School District 161 in Frankfort, said his district has been starting on or about Aug. 20 for years. The extra week does allow more time to prepare for state tests, but that's not the driving force, he said, adding that parent complaints are few.

The lengthening back-to-school shopping season also contributes to the feeling that summer is getting shorter.

Sears, Roebuck and Co. began rolling out a promotional back-to-school campaign in June with the tag line "Don't just go back. Arrive."

A spokeswoman for the company said the demand begins almost immediately after July 4.

"It seems kind of strange to be doing this in July, but we want to capture the momentum," said Estrellita Garcia, a clerk at the Sears in Woodfield Mall in Schaumburg.

Kmart is now offering sales on backpacks, glue sticks and other must-haves.

Walk into Walgreens and you'll find rows of brightly colored markers, crayons and folders. Same holds true for a Jewel-Osco in Schaumburg.

"The kids hate it," said Ak Patel, assistant store director. "They feel like they just got out of school and now they're having to get new supplies."

School districts say they are responsive to parents' concerns.

Orland School District 135 used to start school around Aug. 22, but a 2006 survey revealed that parents and teachers wanted another week off. The district listened and will open its doors to students Aug. 27.

McHenry High School District 156 will start a week earlier this year in part to help bring up the test scores of its most underachieving group. However, it had planned to start two weeks earlier. Gina Swinney, assistant superintendent, said school officials pushed back the Aug. 11 start date to Aug. 18 after hearing from parents and teachers.

Some states have taken the decision out of the hands of local educators, creating a new debate about who is best suited to control the academic calendar.

After noticing a drop in hotel occupancy rates, Michigan lawmakers usurped control in 2005, mandating that school could start no earlier than Labor Day.

The shrinking summer hurt tourism, an $18.1 billion industry in a state that is in an economic free fall.

It wasn't just that resorts, restaurants and municipal pools all faced a labor shortage when youths had to return to school at the height of the season.

"It also limited the opportunities for residents to travel and enjoy their own state," said Kirsten Borgstrom, a spokeswoman for Travel Michigan.

Another vacation was definitely how one of the Mirabella girls—Emily, a 4th grader—said she would use extra summer time off if she had it.

"I'd have more friends over," added Sarah, a 6th grader. Meaghan—entering the 1st grade—chimed in with "more lunches and dinners out."

Kenyana Hopkins, a rising 8th grader at Orland Junior High, was more circumspect.

"So much happens during the school year . . . so much stress and drama," she said. "There isn't enough time to renew yourself. . . . But I guess we have to be ready for high school."

Here is the argument:

Ms. Teacher: (me)
The CPS school I teach at adopted Track E, which still has the same number of days but splits up the vacation time for the students. It is considered year-round, but students get out in June at the same time as other schools. The only difference is,they begin in August, have 2 weeks off in October, receive an extra week off during the winter break, and have 2 weeks off for Spring Break instead of 1. As an educator, the knowledge retention has more of a chance for success if the time away from school is shorter. This is our first year with it and I am excited. I hope it is a success for the students.

Mr. Slappy: (Him)

Ms Teacher wrote:

The CPS school I teach at adopted Track E, which still has the same number of days but splits up the vacation time for the students.

Whatever track CPS schools roll down doesn't matter. CPS students will still end up at the "F Station." TOM SLICK is a perfect example of another CPS failure. If you want to teach something try putting in a gun range in each school. Then maybe the "little darlings" could hit what they are shooting at in the hood.

Ms. Teacher:

Mr Slappy wrote:

Whatever track CPS schools roll down doesn't matter. CPS students will still end up at the "F Station." TOM SLICK is a perfect example of another CPS failure. If you want to teach something try putting in a gun range in each school. Then maybe the "little darlings" could hit what they are shooting at in the hood.

Wow, so much for compassion or belief in the human race in general. I work, as you say, "in the hood". One thing I do know, children are children, where ever they may live. They all need the same things, love, safety, and mental stimulation. Shame on you for stereotyping. I would gladly take, "my little darlings" to the close mindedness of you.

No system is perfect. No PERSON is perfect. What the focus should be on is what is best for the next generation of American leaders, namely, these little darlings.

Mr. Slappy:

Ms Teacher wrote:

No system is perfect. No PERSON is perfect. What the focus should be on is what is best for the next generation of American leaders, namely, these little darlings.

With a dropout rate of almost half you aren't even close to mediocre. Maybe if taxpayers didn't have to contribute so much to your pension, benefits and inflated salary for a part-time job we could "focus" the money on the student.

Ms. Teacher:

Mr Slappy wrote:

With a dropout rate of almost half you aren't even close to mediocre. Maybe if taxpayers didn't have to contribute so much to your pension, benefits and inflated salary for a part-time job we could "focus" the money on the student.

Looking at your district I now see where you are coming from. a diverse population that is 78% white, 100% of your teachers are white, and the average salary for your teachers is a shocking $15K above CPS.(From your districts figures). And, yes, I am white.

Yes we teacher have so much money to burn. Tell that to my 30K in loans to become a teacher, that I am still paying off. As for the part-time crack, you obviously have NO idea what goes into teaching. We may only be PAID to be in the school for 6 1/2 hours but the average day is FAR from over when the students leave the building. Between developing lesson plans and grading papers, that 6 1/5 hour day is more like a 10 hour day.

We do it because we love it. I can't believe you seriously believe what you say. Or else you have no idea what it takes to become and be a teacher. You should leave teaching to the professionals, since you obviously have no idea what a teacher does.

Life in the city is FAR different than the cocoon of the suburbs. Be care when casting stones, some of us are not as cushioned as others. If a high school drop out, or student on the edge of dropping out, can get a GED and go on to getting a university degree, my job is SO worth it. Trying to make a difference in a students' life is not something to put down.

This got me SO mad! I'll update if Mr. Slappy needs another slap.

Some irritation

2008-07-17T16:11:00.002-06:00

My sons brother Justin called. He wants to visit with my son this week. I have no problem with that. In fact, since Justin has returned home to his mothers house I encourage it. I think it is very important for my son to build his family relationships, even if that family does not include me. We are bringing my son to visit with his brother on Saturday. (Justin lives in a suburb an hour away from the city)

The part that really chaps me is, Justin asked if my son wanted to go visit with their Great-Grandmother. I hold no ill will towards Justin. If anything I know much more about the boys' family then he does. What bothers me is the way that woman treated me and my son after the death of my sons Grandmother, her daughter. I adored my sons Grandmother. She was a wonderful woman. She passed away so young, 40 years old. She loved my son and cared for me as well. Her mother was another story.

Just before the Grandmother passed, her then 13 year old daughter was becoming a handful for her. Jenna wasn't a bad kid, just a 13 year old with 13 year old drama. Debbie (the Grandma) asked if I could keep her for a while. I did so, gladly. After Debbie's death Jenna moved in with her father who was going through difficult times. The father asked if I could take over legal guardianship of Jenna. I agreed. Jenna was a good kid with bad things around her. Just before we finished the paperwork, the father died. This poor girl had lost both parents within 6 months. I was prepared to raise her myself, though I was only 25 at the time. Her Grandmother called my house and asked me to bring Jenna to her house for a family meeting. I thought this was a very good idea. That way the family and I could make the arrangements for her to stay with me. That was not to be.

Instead of a family meeting it turned into, "You are not Jenna's blood. She can't stay with you." When I reminded them that my son was her "blood". The Grandmother replied, "Steve (my son's biological father) is my blood. We don't have proof that your son is." I reminded her that her own daughter acknowledged my son as her grandson. Her reply was, "I am not my daughter. My concerns are with my blood." From that moment on I was dismissed. Jenna was taken and moved from one bad situation to the next. That woman never once asked about my son, never inquired and cared. Now all of a sudden wants a re-introduction into my sons life? The Grandchild she did not even consider as her own?

I know I should not be as angry but I am. They do not deserve to know my wonderful son. My child has turned out great without their influence.

Just a rant...

Is Summer Break Really Over?

2008-07-17T15:10:00.003-06:00

I can't believe summer is almost over! My school starts year-round this academic year so our students come back to school on August 4th. Prior to school beginning, I have 5 days of professional development and a meet and greet with parents on the 21st of July. It will be nice to be back in the classroom, but I have to be honest, it was REALLY nice being home. I have been cooking a ton of soups and freezing them in individual containers. After the cream of tomato garden that is just finishing on the stove, I will have enough soup for lunch, with 5 different types, for the first 2 months of school. I have really been trying to eat helthier and make tons of fresh vegetables.

I am so excited about teaching the Civil War this year. After I get through with the Illinois Constitution Exams, I will begin the Civil War. So much of Chicago History can be incorporated into lessons it will be great. I tought a Chicago History class when I was teaching high school. I developed the whole thing and had such a good time teaching it.

I have been spending a lot of time at Powells Bookstore. One of the best academic used stores. Their Chicago section is amazing. I have been doing a lot of trading with Powell's. What's great about them, either they will give cash or give a bigger dollar amount if you purchase. My husband and I have been like kids in a candy store.

One of the great things about summer in the city, the Museums! Here's Ethan when we went to the Field Museum.

Bye-bye summer.

Brothers

2008-06-26T16:57:00.004-06:00

(Jenna (my sons' biological fathers' sister (raised her like a daughter, Justin, and my boy)

I am so proud of my son, for not only completing his freshman year in an IB program in high school but for also being a caring, wonderful young man.

Today he is meeting his half brother for the second time in his life (His biological fathers’ older son). The first time was 2 weeks ago. His older brother is 3 years older and bit more world wise. I worry as a parent but at the same time I am so happy to see him spread his wings of independence. I hope this relationship is a good one. I have to be patient and have faith in my child as well as his brother.

Vegetarian and Vegan

2008-06-26T16:42:00.003-06:00

(This is an older pic of the cousins. Chef Bette is on the left, big brother Max in the middle (He's currently working for labor unions in CA for the lower paid university employees), and on the right is Sally (currently finishing a degree in Marine Biology. She just finished studying the mating habits of sea turtles.).

My son decided to go vegetarian about a month and a half ago. The concept is not new to my family. I’ve gone vegetarian in the past. I think it’s actually a great idea. I love the idea of eating locally grown food and healthier choices. Ever since he was a baby I made sure to feed him a healthy diet. My diet growing up was filled with sugars and processed foods. We are now eating better and feel great.

My cousins’, aunt, and uncle have been vegan for years. The middle cousin is so dedicated to being a vegan, after she finished culinary school she opened a vegan restaurant here in Chicago, The Balanced Kitchen, which has been a huge success for her.

( http://www.gfreev.com/balancedkitchen.html )

I have tasted things I thought I would never eat in a million years and loved. Bette and Zack are masters of the veggie. What great kids they turned out to be. And to think Bette was the pickiest eater as a child. Now she creates works of art in the kitchen.

Summertime

2008-06-20T08:14:00.001-06:00

Haven't had much time to enjoy summer yet. Too much work to do around the house. I did get a new tattoo on Wednesday though. Once it heals a little more I'll post some awesome pics. I had to think about what really represented me. 21 years ago I got a tattoo that represented me. A part of my life that made me who I am. When I was disfellowshipped from the JW's (for smoking cigarettes)I was (and still am)considered an unholy goat. Someone who is worse than any other non-JW because I turned my back on the true god. I wanted a symbol to my rejection of that horrible life. I had just finished reading the Scarlet Letter and decided that I should I wanted a scarlet D to represent myself marked among the wicked. I know red ink would have to be touched up and didn't like the idea of the pain so I got it in black.

Now, 21 years later, what would be the one thing that would completely represent me and what I am. It came to me, coffee. When people spend enough time with me they begin to notice that I am never without a cup of coffee in my hand. From the time I get up to the time I go to bed, there is a cup of coffee in my hand. So, naturally, a cup of coffee was to be my next tattoo. It was pretty cool. I picked out an old time diner coffee cup that my grandparents had, complete with the green stripe. For the coffee itself I had to have it tan to represent the milk I take in my coffee. Although it hurt the closer he got to the elbow crease, it was so worth it! Once the reddness goes away from the steam lines (that are a light gray) it will look great. I am so happy I got this tattoo and can't wait for the next one. Of course I say that now. When the time comes I will be just as nervous as before. But at least I got my next tattoo before my 40th birthday, which is gulp, next year.

Senseless Drive-By

2008-06-02T15:46:00.005-06:00

I am still attempting to process what has happened in the past 24 hours. I received a phone call yesterday late afternoon from a fellow teacher telling me that a wonderful teacher is no longer with us.

While waiting to pick up her children from her mother's home she was a victim of a drive by shooting. It left her dead and her 3 children without a mother. She was an incredible teacher. Dedicated above and beyond to her students. She had the hardest teaching position in any school, Special Education. Ms. Prince was never without a smile or even temper. In the past year I never saw a frown or shortness of temper on her. Even when I wanted to pull my hair out because of one of my students, she would work with them and create a calm environment. She was the 7th grade Special Ed Teacher so my students were her students. She was always my partner for field trips and never without an excellent story.

Working with my students to process this was so hard on all of us. Ms. Prince went above and beyond in my school, as all of the teachers do that I have seen. It breaks my heart for her children and the students whose lives she touched.

The next few days will be difficult for the kids. What a horrific way to end a beautiful life that who truly gave back to the community.

Last Day of Spring Break

2008-03-21T09:27:00.002-06:00

The last 2 days prior to Spring break were insane to say the least. The weather was beautiful to add to the mix. I write this as I am looking out of my window watching up to 9 inches accumulate outside.

On Thursday I broke up 2 fights with 2 different sets of boys and on Friday I broke up a girl fight of my own homeroom. Happy to be able to leave and begin a weeks worth of grading, I managed to get all the way to my car with all of my bags when I noticed a fight with 2 other girls from one of my 7th grade classes. I dropped my things, had my 2 of my students watch my bags, break up the fight, and managed to bring one of the girls to the Principal, explain what I saw, and leave for my break.

Now I am on my last day, with lesson plans to write, laundry to do, grades to enter, grocery shopping to do, and an apartment to clean. I have done nothing but work but feel even more behind than ever. The only thing I actually did for myself this whole week was go to lunch with my BF and some friends from the company I worked at before teaching, and managed to get my eyebrows threaded just before. That was the first time in 2 years I've had the chance to have it done professionally. My silly plan of actually having time to work on something for myself was a dream. Guess that work will have to wait until summer vacation. Oh, wait, they decided to go with year round school this year. What summer vacation?

Last Saturday School......Till Next ISAT

2008-03-09T07:42:00.003-06:00

Yesterday was the Saturday school for me, Hazzah! Only 3 students showed up for class. They were probably thinking the same thing that I was, ISAT's are over why have class? Since it was such a small class I thought it would be quiet. My usual "difficult case" was not there so the constant disruption would be gone. Silly me. One boy who is normally quiet decided to take his place. He was bouncing off of the walls for the entire 3.5 hours! I had him at one point do some jumping jacks to get some of the energy out of him. I swear, he must have eaten an entire box of CapNCrunch before he came to school.

With ISAT's over I didn't feel like putting them through drills of extended responses. Instead we played a version of Jeopardy. It was actually a lot of fun. Except for my bouncing off the walls boy. He just couldn't focus to save his life. Being a parent of a child with ADD/ADHD all I could see was what my child looked like in 7th grade without meds.

All I have to say is, one more week till Spring Break!

No More Taxes

2008-03-06T17:31:00.002-06:00

I guess we should get some sort of congratulations here in Chicago. We will now have the highest sales tax rate in the U.S. Now if I spend $100 on an item I will be paying an additional $10.25 for that item. Don't get me wrong, I understand the concept of taxes and don't argue them. But when I drive over literally HUNDREDS of potholes on my 60 mile round trip to work (and they just keep getting bigger and bigger. I saw the entire front end of a car swallowed a few weeks ago by a pothole. I was just thankful it was in the opposite direction from the way I go to work!) and gas is projected to be $4 a gallon by summer, something has got to give. I already pay $3.29 a gallon and have to fill up twice a week.

Progress Reports

2008-03-06T17:22:00.002-06:00

It's funny how a class full of students that refuse to be quiet, rarely turn in work, and are disrespectful become enraged when they see D's and F's on their progress reports. I waited until I was dismissing by the door to individually hand them out and push them out the door. Other teachers gave out the reports before we left. I was accosted by 10 students enraged by their grades, one student who gave me a high 5 because his Dad came to school a few weeks before after he received an F (he was pulling a C and was not only happy but very respectful), and one boy who looked almost at the point of tears because he got an F. He is a sweet boy but never seems to be able to keep his mouth closed. I usually have him as a helper to burn off his energy but it doesn't seem to be enough.

Tomorrow I will probably have 15 calls from parents who can't understand how I could give their child a grade of C, D, or F. What they should be asking is, why is their child earning those grades? Most of the parents who will call I have called several times about behavior issues. At least it is only Progress Report, not the actual 3rd quarter and I have the data to back up my grades.

Too Much Time....

2008-03-01T17:34:00.002-06:00

Since the 1st week of January I have been teaching Saturday school at the current job. We have been trying to get the students ready for the ISAT's. I have been working with the remedial readers and it has been a struggle getting up every morning at 4:30 and not getting home till 5, 6 days a week. This is the first time I have had a 3 day weekend, hell even a 2 day weekend since Christmas. I woke up this morning and didn't know what to do with my time.

There are so many projects I want to start but know I will not have the time to finish. Since my hard-drive was wiped I have to re-install all of my software. That includes my genealogy stuff. I just don't think I can get to it in such a short time. Instead I completely cleaned the apartment and now I don't know what to do.

If I were smart I would return some long overdue e-mails...

2008-02-27T18:02:00.003-06:00

It's been a long time since I've had a minute to post. Thought you would like to see the new members of the clan.

Benni & Joon.

Benni is our puppy and Joon is our wonderful fluffy kitty.

It has really been great coming home to creatures that are always glad to see you.

Wish the classroom were more like that. I do have some great days but then, some days really suck too.

The huge plus about my current teaching position is, I will be in the documentary they have been filming this year about the arts in my school. Both of my school wide projects will be in it, with of course me too. The first project was coordinating a debate with 4-8 grades debating Civil Liberties for Social Studies/Language Arts night. It was the focus for the entire night. Currently we are working on a project I developed on the Colonies. Students will grow their own crops and create a virtual colony. I am pretty stoked. I've also attached a pic of the new school.

The Other Boleyn Girl-sigh

2008-02-27T18:01:00.000-06:00

It really saddens the heart when facts don't seem to be as exciting as a "good movie". Though I have not read or watched the film I have a pretty good idea where the story is going. The issue I have with the retelling of actual events is that Anne was not in England for most of her upbringing. She was in the French Court, in France. She went back to England to marry Lord Percy.

Anne did not chase Henry VIII. Henry VIII chased her. That is, after denying her the right to marry Lord Percy. The first time he laid eyes on here was when Lord Percy and Anne were before him for his conscent to marry. Henry had already left Mary in the dust at this point, while she was pregnant. Henry was so crazy about Anne he wrote her poetry and a song we still know the melody of today. The original title is "Greensleves" (Henry wrote the lyrics and music). Today we know it as a Christmas Carol called "What Child Is This".

I will probably see it when it comes on cable and feel sad. I dedicated my academic focus on the Tudor Monarcy. Though my focus was between the years 1554-1558, I still am pretty familiar with the entire reign 1495-1603, up until Elizabeth I death and the passing of the throne to James I of Scotland.

It was the same thing when "Braveheart" came out. Sure, I saw it and liked a several scenes but it was not historically accurate. Just as I fear "The Other Boleyn Girl will be.

I stand corrected

2007-10-28T06:00:00.000-06:00

The Art Teacher only teaches 2 art classes and 1 music class. The other day she asked if we could hire a part time music teacher so she would only have to teach 2 classes!

Usually when a teacher is out my school we have to give up our preps since there are no subs. Our math teacher was out on Friday. I refused to give up my only prep and told the lead teacher to give the classes to the 2 teachers who only have 3 classes and another who only has 4 classes to teach. Well, guess what? The other teachers gave up their preps to cover the classes because the assistant principal said she covered 2 classes. The poor thing couldn't cover the rest? We bust our asses and she gets to walk through the school without a care in the world. I am so pissed off.

My Week In The Classroom

2007-10-18T16:17:00.000-06:00

Monday:

1st period two of my advanced U.s History students looked at me after I had just explained the difference between democracies, monarchies, and dictatorships, when they looked up at me and said, "Why are you teaching here? You are so smart." I replied, "Do you want people who don't know their subjects here teaching you?" They replied, "Yeah teachers know their subjects but you are too smart to be teaching here." How do you respond to that?

Tuesday-

One of my students told me, "You got me suspended for three days." I replied, "I got you suspended? Are you sure it was not for something you did yourself?" He replied. "You told me you were going to throw away the gang symbols I drew all over my paper but you turned them in. You tricked on me." My response was, "First off, I do trick. It's my job. Secondly, I warned you the first time about the gang drawing. Especially when you are using MY supplies. I told you as long as you threw it out and didn't use my supplies or paper I was fine. Instead you drew another one. THAT is the one I turned in."

Wednesday-

We have a new Art Teacher in the building. She just started Monday. To me, I feel she is stand-offish. She looks down her nose at people. Not just the students but to faculty as well. During 9th period I caught a student in the hallway (our Principal told us the day before under NO circumstances should he be allowed out of class). When I confronted him he first pulled on the Math Teachers door then began to open the Art Teachers door. Since it was her first week I did not want her to be hit with the wandering trouble makers.I stood in her doorway, blocking the student from entering her room and called to her. She was standing in the middle of the classroom. She was not lecturing, talking to a student or supervising work. I called her name 6 times before she looked up and said "Yes". In the time I was calling her, the students sitting around her kept looking at her with a bewildered expression, such as, why are you not answering your fellow teacher. My hide was chapped at that point with her.

Thursday-

As the Art Teacher was hired during mid-semester there were only 2 art and 2 music classes that were for the teacher to complete teaching. Meanwhile ALL of the Teachers (minus the one who teaches 2 career classes, 2 consumer ed classes, and has field work to secure jobs for our students) teach 8 classes a day including lunchroom duty and homeroom. This teacher teaches 2 classes in the morning and 2 in the afternoon, has NO homeroom, and has 6 periods free!!!!!!!!! The rest of us have ONE!!!!!! free period. This woman had the nerve to ask the Lead teacher today if we could hire a part-time Music teacher to take her Music classes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This would leave her with only 2 classes to teach and only in her subject area. ALL of the teachers have more than one subject matter to teach. On top of that she makes as much as I was initially offered for this year!!!!! It is 2K more than what we were offered at the beginning of last school year!!!!!!!!!!

Holy F@cking Sh$t!!!

2007-09-20T16:16:00.000-06:00

I am still in shock as to what happened today after school. At about 2:50 (the time I am packing my things to leave) I hear a teacher yell for our Principal and start running down the hall towards the North Avenue exit (a super busy main street on the westside of the city). I run after to see if someone was hurt or if anyone needed help.

As soon as I made it out of the doors I saw our ENTIRE student body and some of their peeps from the block literally sprawled across North Avenue (Blocking all 4 lanes of traffic!) while at least 2 girls were fighting. I am not over stating when I say it was a street riot. The Principal, Assistant Principal, and Security were trying to pull people off of each other. The two warring girls were on opposite sides of the street while we tried to maintain peace and get our students to leave when a whole pack of students crossed the street and the brawl started again. All 4 lanes of traffic were stopped. Some of the students were leaning and punching while on the cars that had no where to go.

We called the police within a matter of minutes when the first brawl started. (Remember the time was 2:50) The second brawl stopped. We pulled some of the girls into the school who were fighting to try to stop the fighting. While those girls were inside another brawl started with friends of the girls. Again North Avenue was blocked. While the Principal and Assistant Principal were trying to break that up the girls pulled inside began fighting. We were pulling them off of each other. Meanwhile our entire student body and a bunch of peeps from the block are outside. By the time we got the fighting outside stopped it was 3:30. Still no police arrived.

I stayed outside to make sure the students getting on the bus really got on the bus and did not stay to fight some more. Once insde the school another fight broke out with the girls. We finally got them into seperate classrooms and the office. While they were in the classrooms they began calling their own people to come up to the school.

Our Principal went into each room. I am not sure what was said. The girls were still in the school. Not to be released until a parent came to get them. By now it was 4:00 and still no police. One of the girls mother's showed up with about 10 young men and came into the school. It looked like it was going to be set off again. We called the police AGAIN and waited. Finally we were able to get the boys to wait outside but the dammage was done. While the police finally came the boys had left to go down to Cicero Avenue (it is a HUGE intersection of North Avenue with 6 lanes.)

The police told us they would try to have a car by the school between 2:30 and 3:00 and told us they had to leave because a fight broke out on North and Cicero they had to stop. That fight was obviously an extension of what happened by our school.

I am still in utter shock that the police were called several times due to the magnitude of the brawls and it took from 2:50-4:05 till any police arrived at the school.

I would not be suprized if there was not a shooting in the area tonight. I am sure tomorrow will be just as bad if not deadly. I just had one of my favorite students return to school after he was shot at a party. 2 other people died that night but the bullet only went through his shoulder. He is 17 years old!

Been awhile

2007-07-25T11:51:00.000-06:00

I know it's been awhile since my last blog. BVetween teaching summer school and getting rejected by CPS schools, I've been pretty crazy. I just wish it were easier to have a decent paying teaching position. When you are paid 15-20K below that of a starting teacher in a public school, it really sucks. And of course you do twice the work with no benefits. Why do I continue with this maddness you may ask? Because I LOVE teaching. I know what I was meant to do. Sure I get crazy and frustrated sometimes but it is still the right fit for me.Since I have low level learners I wanted to make US History sink in.

I decided to teach WWII to Present, as it is only 4 weeks. It was amazing how taken my students were with "The Pianist". They begged to watch it 3 TIMES! I know it was not to just watch a movie, we actually discussed it and the political and military situations surrounding it. It was such a raving success we used "Saving Private Ryan" for the American view of the war. It was wonderful being able to disuss the U-Boats and JFK being a commander on one. They watched the war in a new way, relating it to the war going on in Iraq. I really felt like I was getting through to them.That feeling is why I love teaching. We have good days and bad days.

As we moved to the 1950's I brought in sheets of slang words from the 50's and had them describe an average story of their own replacing their slang with 50's slang. They loved it. One student said he was going to bring some of the words back into style.These are young adults from a very poor urban area. Most of them have done jail time. To watch them enjoy learning (without realizing they are actually doing it) makes my heart burst. Will they ever memorize all of the President's of the United States? Problably not. But what they will have is some historical resarch skills and a firm grasp on the culture of the US, at least in the 1940's and 1950's.

Arrakis-3 years ago

2007-07-08T11:17:00.000-06:00

I was looking for a paper I'd written about the Enola Gay, to share with my class next week. While searching I came across something I'd written almost three years ago. (I still cannot believe it has been three years)I do not even remember writing this. But for my dearest lost love, a tribute:

Arrakis

Waiting for the inevitable is always difficult. Oppression of a heavy heart while attempting to produce a seemingly productive day weighs me down as I ascend the steps to my third floor apartment. Today would be the day. The finality of a gut feeling that today would be the day.

For months the signs have been there. Life has a way of assisting in the blindness of what is nearest to your heart. I was fortunate enough to have enough distractions to overlook sickness and sorrow. Now as each step brings me closer to what I've been avoiding for the past four months, the soon to be emptiness of loss.

The key turned softly in the door. I dared not look in the corner of the kitchen. Rather, I deposited my bags and sweater beside my desk, turned on my pc to check the day's e-mail and thought of what may await me in the kitchen. With resignation I stood, and slowly entered the kitchen.

She was there, sleeping in the same corner she'd occupied for the past month. The towel that I'd covered her with this morning still draped over her. Lightly I touch her head and she raised it slowly. My dear sweet friend is slowly leaving me. I begin to feel the sting of tears that have continually fallen since the beginning of the end.

Almost twenty-one years with a friend seems to have gone by so quickly. I look at the face of a love and comfort in my life as she suffers and awaits her own passing. I lay down on the floor beside her, not knowing what more I can do. I pet and comfort her, hoping that she knows I am still here. That she is not alone.

Something was wrong with her, I knew it in May as summer approached. It started simply enough with calling her and her non-response. My husband reminded me that she was getting older and it was normal for hearing loss. She moved a bit slower but was still the beautiful girl I'd always known.

By July she began loosing her sight. Normally dainty and refined in movements, she had begun to bump into walls. I began tapping on the floor to get her attention for food and affection. The one thing I didn't want to do was completely handicap her by carrying her from one place to another.

She began spending all of her time on the rug on our son's floor. Only moving to eat, use her facilities and return to her area on the rug. Our son began covering her with a towel to keep her warm through the night. I felt as if it provided some comfort to her as an arm protectively holding her.

Distractions came easy for the month of August and into September as I began full-time student teaching while maintaining a reading class, volunteering at the park and raising a son. Each day brought new adventures, tales and life. As my life progressed hers deteriorated. A once proud and undefeatable defender of my youth slowly began her final stages into death.

September brought other tears to shed, as her back legs no longer supported her. Her days were confined to the kitchen close to her food and water. Every evening I would spend a few moments sitting beside her on the floor, crying for what I knew the outcome would be. Towards the end of the month she refused to eat and only drank if her head was held up to drink. My tears never seemed to dry. During the day I was "on" with a smile on my face and command in my voice. The end of the day was spent watching the listless form on the floor that resembled my dearest friend.

Often I would talk to her, letting her know I was there for her and it was okay for her to let go. I apologized for the pain she was going through and damned myself for not taking her in for a slight pinprick to end her pain. I don't know if she suffered for she rarely cried out. When she did cry I cried, put my arm around her and repeated that she was not alone.

Now as I lay here next to my dear friend I cry for the life that will not be shared with her. I cry for the loss our son will feel and most importantly for the void that will be left in our lives. She'd managed to survive an apartment fire twenty years ago, travel from one apartment to the next with me and finally across the country and back again, always beside me and always accepting.

My husband and son came home that night to find me still at my post, lying beside her. My husband spoke to our son, though he knew she was sick, the comprehension of what would be the end washed new tears down his cheeks. Our lovely son took my post for an hour or so. He'd drawn a beautiful picture for our fallen soul. As the night progressed I felt the need for solitude and reflection with her.

Alone in the kitchen I spoke to her of our life together. I spoke of how many wonderful memories were shared with one another. I whispered that it was okay to let go. She had a wonderful life. Over and over I kept repeating, "You are not alone". When her final breaths were upon her I laid my head close to her, looking into her eyes and held her paw in mine. I hurt from watching her take her last gasps yet did not want her to die alone. I stared into her eyes as her breaths became more and more infrequent until her last gasp. I held her eyes and knew the moment she passed. I sat up and sobbed, holding her close to me, knowing she was no longer there.

Supreme Court, jobs, and money

2007-06-30T07:02:00.000-06:00

I am in such a confused state. I had a Management Recruiting firm contact me about a position in the suburbs doing my old line of work for a substancial amount of money more than I am making. Our finances have suffered as I have taken such a low paying teaching job at a charter school. If I worked for the public schools I would be making about what the outside company is offering me. My problem is, I love teaching. What do I do?

We really need the money. Maybe now that the supreme court had their ruling about desegregation in the the schools the rule will appy to teachers as well. I am sorry this ruling came so late. Maybe my son would have been concidered in his choices of schools without race as a factor. At least based on an article I read, race will be taken out when factoring in for admission into magnet schools. I found it so odd that my son, who tests at a post high school level in all areas (except Math, he was at a Sophomore level, scoring in the 99th percentile range was rejected, not to mention for the random lottery. But will this apply to teachers as well?

One of the high schools by my house told me I was the wrong color to apply there. Will this decision allow me to have a chance for a teaching position in my area without a quota system in the city of Chicago? I still don't know what I should do now. We really need the money and yet I have worked so had to become a teacher. I love being in the classroom. Why does it have to be this hard?

School is almost out!

2007-06-19T17:41:00.000-06:00

School is almost out, finally. Of course we still have to teach summer school in 2 weeks, but I'll take the 2 weeks off. Graduation was really nice. I'd never been part of a faculty with graduating students before. It was so bitter sweet. The hopes and dreams you see of your young men and women who walk proudly down the aisle to receive their diplomas made me weep. Even the students who you don't always get along with you weep for their accomplishment and happiness.

Today was a little scary. The husband woke up with numbness in the left arm.I took the day off to get him to the Dr.'s. Everything is good.And we got a day off on one of the most beautiful summer days this season.

Frontal Lobe Dementia

2007-05-28T14:44:00.000-06:00

This is the illness my uncle Charley has. He is only 39 years old.

FRONTAL LOBE DEMENTIA AND PICK'S DISEASE

Like Alzheimer's disease, Pick's disease and frontal lobe dementias cause a progressive and irreversible decline in a person's abilities over a number of years. Frontal lobe dementia and Pick's disease are the cause of less than 10 per cent of all dementias and may usually be distinguished from Alzheimer's disease early in the course of the illness.

Arnold Pick first described Pick's disease in a 71-year-old man in 1892. Pick's disease affects the temporal lobes of the brain in 25 per cent of cases, frontal lobes in 25 per cent and both frontal and temporal lobes in 50 per cent. Frontal lobe dementia affects the frontal lobes initially. Damage to the frontal lobes leads to alterations in personality and behaviour, changes in the way a person feels and expresses emotion, and loss of judgement.

Who can get the disease?
Anybody can get the disease, although there may be geographical differences in the incidence of Pick's disease. Some studies suggest the disease to be more common in women while others suggest a greater risk in men. The most severe cases of Pick's disease occur before the age of 60 years. The highest incidence is between 50 and 60, but people may develop the disease earlier or up to 80 years.

What is the cause?
As with Alzheimer's disease, in most cases, the cause cannot yet be determined. However, there are strong genetic components in certain families. When there is a genetic element, it is autosomal dominant, (on average, half of the children of an affected parent will develop the disease, but half will not) but is clearly modified by a number of environmental factors as yet to be discovered. The genetic component has been variously described as affecting 20 to 50 per cent of people with Pick's disease.

Diagnosis
Although Pick's disease can only be conclusively diagnosed after a person's death by a post mortem examination of the brain, there are several techniques, such as brain scans and EEGs, which can be used during the person's lifetime to give a probable diagnosis. These techniques can help in determining whether the dementia is likely to be Pick's disease or a closely related disorder, for example, Alzheimer's disease.

Prognosis and treatment
As yet, there is no cure for Pick's disease and neither can the progression be slowed down with any medication treatment. Probably because Pick's disease is much less common than Alzheimer's disease, there is less research into Pick's, and there are currently no drug trials taking place in relation to treating Pick's disease.

The course of Pick's disease is an inevitable progressive deterioration. From the onset of the disease, life expectancy is 2-15 years, with an average of 6-12 years. Death is usually caused by infection.

Some of the symptoms of the disease can be treated effectively. For example, certain medications can reduce some of the behavioural problems. Also knowing more about the disease and why the person is behaving as they are can in itself be an effective means of helping people to cope with the disease.

Then there was 1

2007-05-27T15:38:00.000-06:00

Ever since I was born there have been 2 constants in my life, Chris and Charley. Chris and Charley are my uncles but more like brothers. Chris was 3 years older than I and Charley is 1 year older than I. My beloved Chris died 10 years ago on June 6th. Today I called Charley to make sure he had the invite to the kids 8th grade graduation party. Charley gave me the hardest pill to swallow.

It seems that he was diagnosed with a non-curable genetic disease that effects your mind. He is going to die. As soon as he told me this I thought he was joking. As we talked I knew he was not. The tears began to flow. I spent most of today crying and in bed.

My childhood was rocky to say the very least. My mother moved us every year. through the insanity that is her life, moving, the cult she had me in, my one refuge was to see Chris and Charley every day. Sure they were typical evil boys but they were my evil protectors. I always felt safe with them around. I did not have friends growing up. I was not allowed to have non-JW friends and the JW kids didn't play with me because my mother had me out of wedlock and she was gay. Chris and Charley were my brothers and best friends all rolled up into one.

As the years passed we grew apart but always had a bond. Chris was the one most like me. Charley was the good one with a big heart. When I look at the kid sometimes I can see glimpses of Chris and Charley in him. I mentioned this to Charley but Charley told me he sees Chris.

My heart is breaking. I will be the only one left. My poor Grandmother. She will have lost both of her youngest children while she is still living. She is strong but the death of Chris almost killed her. I have no idea how she will get through the death of Charley. I am so selfish to think of my own pain but I will now be truely alone. Both of my brothers gone.

The tears keep flowing, the lump in my throat keeps getting bigger. Why does life have to be so cruel?

Sucks to be me....

2007-04-20T09:56:00.000-06:00

Why is it that it is impossible to have 2 minutes of instruction so students can begin the class? I swear, I spent almost 20 mintues waiting for them to be quiet 2nd period. I told them I give up and everyone gets a zero. They were so loud 2 security gards, the lunch lady, mantinence person and assistant principal came in.I was so pissed. I told them they keep telling me they are grown (18-21) yet don't act like it. They act worse than 6 year olds! I hate getting angry at work. I hate feeling like these people that I am here to help could give less than a rats ass. They are so disrespectful and rude. I could be working in corporate America making double what I am now but choose to want to make a difference in lives.

As of December I have one student who was murdered, one who is going to be serving hard time 3-5 for posession while on house arrest, and one who is at large for murdering someone. It makes me so sad. Am I even making a dent in anyones life?Had to call other Goddess for a laugh. The tears were ready to flow. Luckily she had a joke so corny it distracted me. Thank Dog for BF's!

A Kiss Goodbye?

2007-04-19T16:04:00.000-06:00

I teach at a school in a low-income area. many of these students' only meals are the ones that the school provides. As it is a small school and atendance is pretty poor, they do not serve hot lunch. These students eat cold sandwiches every day. I started a ritual during the winter of, everytime I went to Aldi's, I would buy a case of Rahman noodles. They avereged out to less than 10 cents for a hot meal. I would keep those in the classroom for students if they wanted a hot meal once an awhile.

The demand for noodles has been low and I haven't been to Aldi's since before Christmas. One of the students who would get noodles from me usually hadn't been in my class in almost 2 months. Yesterday he saw me in the hallway and asked for some noodles. I told him I was mad at him because I haven't seen him in months and missed him in class. While I was looking, with my arms folded, into my fellow teachers classroom with a pretend frowny face on, the student gave me a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek and said he still moved me anyways, and scampered off. I went into my fellow teachers room and we laughed about what an odd thing to see. I am a physically distant person. People, especially students, pick up on that.

Today, I met with my fellow teachers for our morning ritual of talking about yesterdays events. I shared the story and went about the day. 4th period is lunch for most of the school. That and there being a field trip which took 30 students left me with no students for 4th or 5th. One of my other fellow teachers came to me during 4th period (a much needed time to catch up on grading) and told me that the homicide police were at the school during 4th period lunch looking for the student who kissed me on my cheek the day before. It seems that a few hours before that kiss on the cheek he killed a man. During the conversation with the other teacher she too had an odd experience with him coming up behind her at her desk, giving her a quick hug and kiss on the top of her head, and told her that he loved her.

Was that because he knew he would be caut? Or that he was leaving the city and it was his way of saying goodbye? The only other time I remember an affectionate act as striking me as odd was the last time I saw my uncle Chris. When he was leaving my house after visiting for the day he hugged me and told me what a great mother I was and how proud of me he was and how much he loved me. The hug lasted longer than our standard hug and it stayed with me for days after until 2 weeks later when I got the call that he hanged himself.

I don't know now, like I didn't know then, how to feel. This was a student that was very smart, stayed up on current events, could debate political views, and was a talented writer. It is such a waste. A waste of life for the man he killed and that of the life he will spend in prison when he is caught.

Grandma

2007-03-20T19:02:00.000-06:00

I love my Grandma!

One of my aunt's e-mailed me this morning to tell me my Grandmother was in the hospital. She'd been there since midnight on Sunday. The hospital is only a block from my house. I was pretty cheesed no one told me sooner. After I picked up the boy from school we went to the hospital and spent 3 hours with her.

One of the great things about my Grandmother is her sense of humor. She is very devilish and has quite a evil wit about her. She began telling the boy and I about the neighbors who lived next door to them in the 70's in Rogers Park. Back then my Grandparents owned a beautiful greystone 2 blocks from the lake (Lake Michigan). It was my second home and the only place I ever felt loved. The couple who lived next door to my Grandparents HATED my family. My Grandparents had 12 children, the oldest being my mother and the youngest being an uncle 1 year older than me. That uncle and my other uncle who was 3 years older than I (my beloved Chris) were constantly terrorizing the neighborhood with their boyish antics. This neighbors had several verbal spats with my Grandparents.

My Grandmother found these people to be boorish and petty. As my grandmother was a very active member of the community she worked quite a bit with the police department. Everyone knew her (and no, not from her children's activities). One summer evening my Grandmother decided to get some air. She sat on the front porch drinking some god awful orange kool aid like stuff. A police car drove by. She knew the officers. The officers also knew of the horrible neighbor with the blood feud (this guy would hold his dog over the chain link fence while it crapped so it would crap into my Grandparents back yard. The guy was a bit tapped). The police shined their bright light on the neighbor who was also sitting on his porch, then quickly got out of the squad car, walked up my Grandmothers steps, put her in cuffs, put her in the back seat and drove off. The neighbor was in shock. The great thing about this was they drove and dropped her off in the back of the house. This would happen every week or so. What a laugh! Only my feisty Grandmother could pull something like this off. My Grandmother is my hero. Not just for this but for all that she has done in my life.